The Retirement Thread

[Deleted member 1258]

From my Facebook memories again, from three years ago.

Lol! Pinched from elsewhere.
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share

 

[welsh dragon]

From my Facebook memories again, from three years ago.

Lol! Pinched from elsewhere.
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share

Sounds like an ideal nd normal Christmas Dinner to me.

 

[welsh dragon]

 

[Dave7]

Heavy rain in for the day here.
We got a parcel delivered yesterday. It is VERY heavy.
We suspect it is a hamper from our son. Frightened to open it and find out what's inside

 

[SpokeyDokey]

Went to the Flicks last night to see Avatar - The Way of Water.

Decent enough film and enjoyed it.

CGI was incredible.

Messy and slightly confusing start although all was explained in first 15 minutes or so.

Very laboured storyline in the middle of the film - would have been a better film if edited to around a couple of hours.

Underwater action was v.clever but the forest action in the original film was more engaging.

7/10

It would be good if cinemas reprised intermissions - 3hrs 12mins is a long, long watch without a break.

 

[Exlaser2]

Morning all . It’s raining !
Our plans for Christmas is fairly simply this year .
Christmas Eve = nothing as mrs exlaser is working most of the day.
Christmas Day = over to my sister in laws in the morning for a present exchange, then my brother in law and l will escort our 85 year old father in law to the nearby pub for an hour. Where he will forget he doesn’t drink much anymore and will knock back two pints of stout , back to back and be good for nothing for the rest of the day 😂. Then on to Bistrot Pierre as mrs exlaser and her sister decided it was too much trouble from them to cook for the whole family now .
Boxing Day = Sailing + mince pies and wine in the morning then nothing for the rest of the day .
27th = Going over to the in-laws in the afternoon so mrs exlaser can meet up with with her brother who is down from the frozen north, well Halifax 😀
And that’s Christmas over for us for another year .

 

[Mo1959]

From my Facebook memories again, from three years ago.

Lol! Pinched from elsewhere.
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share

I’ll stick to a ready meal

 

[pawl]

My to do list is Friday give the car a run to Mach for odds and sods.

Saturday = slobbing.
Sunday = slobbing.
Monday = slobbing.
There is a pattern forming here.

That sounds good to me

 

[pawl]

From my Facebook memories again, from three years ago.

Lol! Pinched from elsewhere.
Christmas Dinner....
I have concluded that the inevitable stress of Christmas dinner is created by adverts, supermarkets and TV chefs...
It's a Sunday dinner for farks sake!!! We do it quite happily 51 weeks of the year but can we the consumers be trusted to manage by ourselves on one day of the year...apparently not!
Here goes...
1. Turkey... It's a big fecking chicken that's all, 20 minutes per lb plus 20 minutes at 180 degrees - jobs a good un! Get yourselves a meat thermometer £3 off the Internet poke it in the offending bird if it says 75 degrees or over its cooked!
2. Stuffing - regardless of what Jamie Oliver says you do NOT need 2lbs of shoulder of pork, onions breadcrumbs,pine nuts and a shoot load of fresh herbs to make stuffing....( no fecking wonder he's bankrupt if thats what he spends to make stuffing!)
What you need is Paxo and a kettle!! If you wanna liven it up squeeze 3 sausages out of their skins and mix that in with your Paxo before cooking .
3. Gravy - Jamie Oliver is copping for this one aswell....
Bisto Jamie.... All you need is Bisto!
I ( nor any other woman I know) has got time on Christmas Eve to piss about roasting chicken wings and vegetables, adding stock and flour,cooking it for another half hour, mashing it all up with a potato masher and then straining the whole sorry mess to make gravy
4. Vegetables... Never mind faffing round shredding sprouts and frying them with bacon and chestnuts to make them more palatable... If you don't like them don't buy and cook the fecking things!! If your family only eats frozen peas then that's good enough!
5. Roast potatoes... Yes I par boil mine then roast them in goose fat but Aunt Bessie also does the same
6. Trimmings /Christmas pudding and the like.... Aldi or Lidl!
(oh and while we're on the subject of pudding- if birds custard is what your family likes on the wretched thing then that's fine - you do not need brandy butter /rum sauce etc or anything else that costs a fecking fortune and takes 2 hours to make!)
7. Family....
Children.. Feed the little blighters first separately, if they only want turkey with tomato sauce - fine leave em to it, it doesn't matter. Once they are fed bugger them off to play with their Christmas presents so that YOU can enjoy your dinner in Peace!
Adults... Anyone that can manage to get their sorry arse to your dinner table is also capable of helping to serve up/ sort the kids out/ clear the table /wash up /dry up etc.
And Finally.....
NO ONE.... And I mean no one APART FROM THE COOK IS ALLOWED TO GET PISSED AND FALL ASLEEP BEFORE THE WASHING UP IS DONE!!!
Rant over
Merry Christmas!
P.s. I pinched this from another page so feel free to copy and share

Flipping heck Are Witherspoons open Christmas 🎅 day

 

[pawl]

Morning all . It’s raining !
Our plans for Christmas is fairly simply this year .
Christmas Eve = nothing as mrs exlaser is working most of the day.
Christmas Day = over to my sister in laws in the morning for a present exchange, then my brother in law and l will escort our 85 year old father in law to the nearby pub for an hour. Where he will forget he doesn’t drink much anymore and will knock back two pints of stout , back to back and be good for nothing for the rest of the day 😂. Then on to Bistrot Pierre as mrs exlaser and her sister decided it was too much trouble from them to cook for the whole family now .
Boxing Day = Sailing + mince pies and wine in the morning then nothing for the rest of the day .
27th = Going over to the in-laws in the afternoon so mrs exlaser can meet up with with her brother who is down from the frozen north, well Halifax 😀
And that’s Christmas over for us for another year .

Have you got auto pilot on your boat How are. You going to steer while you consume that lot.

 

[welsh dragon]

I have returned from Mach. Gave my car much needed run of nearly 20 miles as she has been sitting in the garage in the freezing weather for the last 2 weeks.

Got my odds and sods so that's Fridays to do list done and dusted.

Now for the slobbing for the foreseeable future.

 

[Paulus]

Flipping heck Are Witherspoons open Christmas 🎅 day

Probably.

 

[Exlaser2]

Probably.

I can guarantee one thing over Christmas, I will I not be anywhere near a spooons 😂😂😀

 

[Exlaser2]

Have you got auto pilot on your boat How are. You going to steer while you consume that lot.

Sailing is the easy bit . With my digestion problems these days it the eating and drinks that’s the trouble 😂.
Seriously though the fact we are off to a French restaurant means loads of small courses so you don’t over eat so easily. 😀
Plus on Boxing Day the mince pies and mulled wine will be after the race . 😂

 

[PaulSB]

Went to the Flicks last night to see Avatar - The Way of Water.

Decent enough film and enjoyed it.

CGI was incredible.

Messy and slightly confusing start although all was explained in first 15 minutes or so.

Very laboured storyline in the middle of the film - would have been a better film if edited to around a couple of hours.

Underwater action was v.clever but the forest action in the original film was more engaging.

7/10

It would be good if cinemas reprised intermissions - 3hrs 12mins is a long, long watch without a break.

Good grief!!!! On the pedalling pensioners rides we need a pee stop every 90 minutes......on a good day. 3 hours??? Ahggghhh