Things that snap off in the dark - tell us your best bits

carvelos

Active Member
Location
IOW
Great fun riding home, the government (this is relevant) had the good grace to offer me a loan bike for a month thru a local hire company whilst my trusty STEEL Raleigh mtb is away being untwisted from my hamfisted attempts at cold setting the frame (also being paid for by Boris). Covid is the best provider of bicycle orientated funding ever (although I didn't get on too well with it back in March)

Anyway the hire bike whose name is Claude Butler managed to spit off the gear hanger in a pique of disgust when I had the temerity to ride up a hill. Pitch black farm track lots of cow poo three miles from home with a tangled derailleur dangling in the spokes making that characteristic and evocative spokey dokey noise that I loved as a five year old- vrum -vrumm!!

I have never enjoyed a walk so much.

Anyway what I am looking for is a) sympathy - unlikely and b) your tales of woe and despair at being utterly stranded by component failure or total breakdown.
p.s.
How can aluminium be a suitable material for bikes, aeroplanes, drinks cans, my car wheels or anything else? Bring back wrought iron and a hammer and a brace of donkeys
 

Randomnerd

Formerly known as Woodenspoons
Location
North Yorkshire
You’re in the wrong place to hear tales of this lot cocking up on bike maintenance. It’s a bit like asking the Red Arrows when they last had a spliff.
Every Cyclechatter on the average ride has enough gear with them to remove the catalytic converters from a Maserati, while cooking lobster Thermidor and brewing fresh coffee.
in complete comfort, wearing all the right gear.
Youll have cross chained that rear mech. Hang around, mate. Tellin‘ yer. Very few standings in ‘ere.
 
OP
C

carvelos

Active Member
Location
IOW
You’re in the wrong place to hear tales of this lot cocking up on bike maintenance. It’s a bit like asking the Red Arrows when they last had a spliff.
Every Cyclechatter on the average ride has enough gear with them to remove the catalytic converters from a Maserati, while cooking lobster Thermidor and brewing fresh coffee.
in complete comfort, wearing all the right gear.
Youll have cross chained that rear mech. Hang around, mate. Tellin‘ yer. Very few standings in ‘ere.
I can do all that, sometimes the lobster even holds the chain splitter for me whilst he waits for his turn in the pot.
Cross chained!!? More like turning it into a piece of sculpture worthy of the tate modern
 

CanucksTraveller

Macho Business Donkey Wrestler
Location
Hertfordshire
Only a minor one, but it nearly got me into a big fight....

On the way back from the pub about 2-3 months ago in near darkness, my front light mount failed, depositing my front lamp with a crash onto the floor. This crash was accompanied by a nasty brake squeal as I slammed on.
An elderly rastafarian was on the pavement quite close to me (and appeared to be walking home from an even longer, higher percentage pub session) and the unexpected shock startled him into an angry, foul mouthed attack, complete with pugilistic fist pose.

(He did eventually calm down once he realised what had caused his fright.)
 
OP
C

carvelos

Active Member
Location
IOW
Only a minor one, but it nearly got me into a big fight....

On the way back from the pub about 2-3 months ago in near darkness, my front light mount failed, depositing my front lamp with a crash onto the floor. This crash was accompanied by a nasty brake squeal as I slammed on.
An elderly rastafarian was on the pavement quite close to me (and appeared to be walking home from an even longer, higher percentage pub session) and the unexpected shock startled him into an angry, foul mouthed attack, complete with pugilistic fist pose.

(He did eventually calm down once he realised what had caused his fright.)
Nightmare!! my relatively new light that has a cree bulb or something likes the damp. It sends it into a frenzy of indecision as to what mode is suitable for driving rain/ fog/ seeing off the dog walkers etc and goes hi/med/lo/FLASH on a 30 second cycle all good for migraines, seizures and making friends with the scary couple of horse riders coming towards me that began bellowing about being blinded. I assured them it was not their fault and that no one would blame them (This tactic always defuses the enraged and fighty buggers waiting for me)
 

Drago

Flouncing Nobber
Location
Poshshire
Last time I had a breakdown miles from anywhere at night I whipped out my lathe and mIG welder and made myself a new frame, and wired it up with Di2 made from twigs and cow pats. While doing this I set a trap for a deer, and used the tendons for brake cables and used its hide to make a Brooks saddle. Within 5 minutes of breaking down i was on my way again.
 

Ming the Merciless

Formerly YukonBoy
Location
Inside my skull
Years ago the chain on my mtn bike snapped on a winter commute home. I had my chain tool but it was so cold that my hands lost all sensation. Repair impossible with numb hands. So I walked a mile to nearest pub. Got a pint and sat by fire. Wife collected me about an hour later .
 

TheDoctor

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe
Moderator
Location
Stevenage
Years ago the chain on my mtn bike snapped on a winter commute home. I had my chain tool but it was so cold that my hands lost all sensation. Repair impossible with numb hands. So I walked a mile to nearest pub. Got a pint and sat by fire. Wife collected me about an hour later .
May as well lock the thread, cos that's perfection right there.
 

Tripster

Über Member
Location
North
As an apprentice trained machinist I obviously carry a Bridgeport milling machine wherever I go by bike and fabricate everything bespoke on the fly. Sometimes I arrive at work with a completely new bike
Tyres can be a problem so I usually stretch a dogs testicle sack around the wheel and it suffices for a few hundred miles.
 

ColinJ

Puzzle game developer
I always carry the perfect, do everything tool on my bike travels, it is called " a mobile phone".
It is only "perfect" if...
  • You only cycle to places where you have a phone signal AND...
  • (You have someone who you can phone for a lift (who doesn't mind being your free taxi service) OR...
  • You can afford the taxi fare home/to a suitable railway station)
I don't/don't/often can't, so I carry the tools and spares! :okay:
 
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