Thinking up jokes

[Yellow Fang]

How do people think up jokes? I think I would like to be a joke writer, but I have been sitting here fifteen minutes and can't think of anything.

Now let me see,

Why did the goose, turkey, aardvark, lemming cross the road?

Maybe it's easier to think of the punchline first and then work backwards.

 

[Yellow Fang]

I got one.

Why did the chicken jump start the car?
It was a battery hen.

 

[green1]

Don't give up the day job.

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

Why did the other chicken drive off in the car though?

It was a free range rover.

 

[Marshmallow_Fluff]

 

[Cycling Dan]

As I opened the front door I was confronted with the unmistakable sounds of someone making love to my wife upstairs.

I took a moment to compose myself before doing what any man in my predicament would have done.

I slowly backed out of the front door and went to the pub... Anybody prepared to fark that munter must be a right farking psycho.

 

[Cycling Dan]

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius

 

[Cycling Dan]

(Last one)
Food contamination scandal hits the church.

Communion wafers found to contain 0% Christ.

 

[Speicher]

What is the difference between a spider and a husband?

 

[Speicher]

I will wait a bit longer to see if anyone can guess. (Hint: I made this joke up myself. )

 

[deptfordmarmoset]

A spider can't catch himself with his flies?

 

[Yellow Fang]

Roses are red,
Violets are glorious,
Don't try to surprise
Oscar Pistorius

I was thinking of Oscar Pistorius last night.
I wouldn't like to be in his shoes.

 

[oldfatfool]

What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm???

Hold onto your nuts son, this is no ordinary blow job.

 

[Speicher]

What is the difference between a spider and a husband?

One sits in the corner glowering at you, and the other has eight legs.


My coat is the blue one.

 

[Cycling Dan]

I saw an old woman pushing her car along the street this morning.

I walked over and said, "Hey, you shouldn't be pushing your car like that at your age."

"Oh, thank you young man." she puffed.

"No problem," I said, "keep your knees bent and your back straight.