Tour de France Notre Equipe 2009...

[Aperitif]

Tour de Force 2009

CycleChat are attending this year's tour but were waylaid in Magaluff last weekend. Hence the start is a bit wooly.

http://www.cyclechat.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=15059 was the line up for last year. Scandal, drugs, money etc have all taken their toll, and so

I'm a little behind. (Roughly translated as a decent ride to the coast and back followed by a trip to Dunwich back to back...)

I'll start with team 'CycleChatta Lidl Duthayno' - to win the Tour by a country mile - a blend of nutters, enforcers and racing snakes who frequent these boards.

Will1985
benborp
ilovebikes
Radius
Bollo
stevevw
longers
Tynan ran off with stevevw's frying pan to join Jamie Oliver, replaced by Wigsie
yenrod ran off with theclaud, replaced by FreebieMcGinty (UCI regs.)

(I would quite fancy this team's chances providing my two 'enforcers', Tynan & yenrod don't come to blows over the last can of Stella...) Not applicable - certifiable but not applicable.
No place for Aran20 as UCI will not allow Mont Ventoux to be done on rollers.
Instant subs. bench places for newcomers Bradley Wigsie and threebikesmcginty, and the management reserve the right to call upon replacements.

Directeur Sportif 2009
rich p

Directeur des Autres Affaires
MacBludgeon

Assistant au 'Directeur des Autres Affaires' (Always available)
Arch

Very Personal Assistant to DS rich p (Must be able to rise Brighton early each day, and have spent time studying the European landscape)
karen.488walker

Assistant to DS
Lisa21 - one of two jobs she holds. (A few team members would like her to hold more than one so...)

Chief Mechanic
Spandex

Sous Mechanic
Steve Austin (multiskiller)

Assistant Mechanics
Joe24 and bonj

Junior Mechanics
Young 'un, Helen123

Equipment
Hilldodger

PR and Interpersonal Relationships
Mr Pig & Jim Noir

Entertainments
Nordic:
Dayvo
Scottish dancing:
Greedo
Homey things:
punkypossom & someone else...

Reparation et Entretien de Caravan
Landslide

Route Planners & Advisors
Ianrauk & arallsopp............................New for 2009!

Nutritionist
vernon

Chefs
Noodley
Beans on toast
'Special' K Oates

Food Taster & Lantern Polisher
Comedy Pilot

Massage Team
Speicher (with special responsibility for additional services) & Lisa21 (official sun block application preparateur)

Translator for Massage Team
Auntie Helen

Smutmeister general
Fnaar

Team Quack
SittingDuck

Team Toilets
WC Fields & Davywalnuts

Special Medical Assistance
Jimboalee

Legal
Patrick Stevens & Co (retainer)

Media Relations
redcogs & Andy in Sig

Press Office & Photography
Rigid Raider & Mr Paul
Crackle & Melvil. Roving snapper: topcat1

Video and Physiological Telemetry
Magnatom

Kit
Postman & User1314

Web Presence
Shaun

Race Radio, GPS and Tom Tom etc
Ben Lovejoy and Red Tom Tom

Team Psychologists
tdr1nka, The Doctor

Motivational Coach
bigtwin

Logistics
User3143 and Night Train

Head of Security
redjedi

Security Staff
Snapper37 + dog,

Team Mascot
Cathryn's Mum
Quote:
"I'm not pimping my mother - rather holding her up for admiration!!!"

Whipping Boy
Davywalnuts (promoted to bog standard job)
luplowe

Precis so far:
We have won all three stages with will taking the two sprints, and Tynan the time trial. A plate of bacon and eggs + a can of Artois' finest was dangled provocatively behind the finish line as encouragement.

Now, any suggestions and scenarios are welcome - it's your team! Keep us up to date in the most informative of ways, offer the most sensible advice
- and most of all, see your team through to get plastered in Paris!
A tout a l'heure,

 

[Fnaar]

Nice to have a role in the team ... now if only I could get Lisa to adjust my flange instead of Joe24 or bonj

 

[Wigsie]

Smutmeister general
Fnaar

1st reply

Nice to have a role in the team ... now if only I could get Lisa to adjust my flange instead of Joe24 or bonj

Never was there a more accurate appointment.

 

[Landslide]

Fire up the caravan! Let's get the team rolling with a little bit of style and...

 

[Globalti]

Great team. Now if the BBC can send 873 (or whatever) executives to Glastonbury I'm sure we can blag a bus charter for our little team to France.

 

[ianrauk]

I am outraged that I wasn't included in the team as chief bike & bottle washer.

Yours in dusgust
Mr Angry (Fatty to those who don't know me)
Tunbridge Wells

 

[Wigsie]

I am outraged that I wasn't included in the team as chief bike & bottle washer.

Yours in dusgust
Mr Angry (Fatty to those who don't know me)
Tunbridge Wells

Thought you lived in the Ghetto Bromley/Orpington way? T wells is a bit sophisticated for your kind!

 

[ianrauk]

I thought I had better move to TW seeing as Bromley/Orpington is so well disliked by some people.. gawd knows why... according to 'er indoors it's a veritable paradise is Bromley..

 

[Aperitif]

I am outraged that I wasn't included in the team as chief bike & bottle washer.

Yours in dusgust
Mr Angry (Fatty to those who don't know me)
Tunbridge Wells

You're route planning with arallsopp - just don't let the Bromley mob get in the way of the peloton. And don't let her Welshness know, or she'll be wanting a position under the Directeur no doubt.

 

[Wigsie]

You're route planning with arallsopp - just don't let the Bromley mob get in the way of the peloton. And don't let her Welshness know, or she'll be wanting a position under the Directeur no doubt.

Nooooooo!

Saturday was nearly a baptism of fire with Ian's route planning skills

"It looks like we are heading back towards getting back on track now" was uttered a few times,

Having said that, the other member of the 'Bromley mob' with GPS seemed to think we had teleported 30 miles inland to Frant mere moments after we left the coastline.

 

[Aperitif]

Solid intelligence Wigsie - that combo is a match made in heaven then! (Thank goodness I'm not in there!)

 

[Crackle]

<<<I've got the official car lined up but we need a motorbike as well and some more good looking members to drive it and hand out friedly t-shirts.


(I had no idea I was in last years team)

 

[rich p]

I'm consulting in the van with my PA today so you'll have to do as well as you can without my input today. (TTTTT) The team time trial today will be tough but Karen and I need to consult quite a lot - so good luck to you all and don't come back too early.

 

[Landslide]

Dear God! It sounds like a cross between Rabobank, Kelme and Crystal Palace!

 

[Dayvo]

Fire up the caravan! Let's get the team rolling with a little bit of style and...

Is that something like a ´main panache?´