Tuesday joke


Legendary Member

A woman was helping her husband set up his new computer, and at the appropriate time in the process, told him he would now need to enter a password. Something he would use to log-on. Her husband was in a rather devilish mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in:






His wife fell out of her chair laughing when the computer replied



New Member
I'll forgive you, but please dont do it again;);)
A guest staying in a luxury hotel goes into the dining room to have breakfast. He calls over the head waiter and reads from the menu. 'I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee.'
'That's a complicated order sir,' said the bewildered waiter. 'It might be quite difficult.'
The guest replied sarcastically, 'It can't be that difficult, because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!'


New Member
I told my Mum I was planning to open a theatre. She said "Are you having me on?" to which I replied "Well, I'll give you an audition but I'm not promising you anything".


Flim Flormally
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long
flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely
declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a
question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. You
ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."

This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she
agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's
the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a
word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and
hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a
hill with three legs, and comes down with four?" The lawyer uses his
laptop, searches all references. He uses the Airphone; he searches
the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends e-mails to all the
smart friends he knows, all to no avail.

After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the
blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up And
asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with

The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to


Married to Night Train
Salford, UK
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its
toward the man.

He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it

"Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in

"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.

They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
every guy you meet? "

"No, "she replies. . . "

"You just happened to catch my eye."
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