Vigorous farts ...

[threebikesmcginty]

However at least mine are loud and not too malodourous - Mrs RR specialises in SBDs (Silent But Deadly) which are awful - on Monday morning she woke me up twice with a couple of real chokers. Must have been the cauliflower cheese I made for Sunday dinner.

Nice picture of domestic bliss you paint there RR!

 

[Cubist]

Lsst summer we enjoyed the Dad's and Lad's camp at the rugby club. Cubester and I were camping in my 2 man Robert Saunders tent, a tiny low profile backpacker version. Being a rugby club event, with the title hinting at "no women allowed" , it was of course compulsory to sit around after the day's fun events, drink loads and loads of tinnies to replace the fluids lost etc etc. It started raining at abut 9pm so we all went indoors where the bar does a great range of real ales. I therefore got stuck into some Fartbreath's Old Horizontal or whatever, and the club put on a big greasy chilli for supper.

Fast forward to 3am. I'm woken up by the urge to dash to the bog, and as I frantically try to extricate my sozzled carcase from the sleeping bag I let one go. It was long, loud and proud. I'm still fighting with the zip on the outside of the tent at this point, but Cubester has beaten me to it. He fought his way out past my shoulder, physically retching, desperately trying to escape the frankly toxic interior of the tent.

Bonding? Hmmmmm!

 

[Fnaar]

Dubilin hotel room, a few years back, sharing with my brother... if anyone had lit a match, the place would have exploded! And to the occupants of the rear of the aeroplane taxiing out to the runway London-Amsterdam 3 yrs ago, I can only offer my belated apologies, for 'twas me Even the air hostesses were wondering if we could open the door for a bit

 

[Fnaar]

Have you ever looked indignantly around, when it WAS you, in an effort to pretend it WASN'T you? Guilty as charged m'lud.

 

[Cubist]

I ought really try to save a lady's blushes, but Mrs Cube once ordered a Calzone in a nearby restaurant. The staff asked if she liked garlic, as they did a special Calzone for those that do, and she of course ordered one. When she cut into the calzone there was a layer of minced garlic about a quarter of an inch thick all the way through it.

She started to get the farts before we went to bed, but she managed to wake us both up in the middle of the night with perhaps the loudest fart I have ever heard!

 

[Mista Preston]

Ladies - an embarrassing by product of digestion

Men - a lifelong source of amusement and male bonding

just spent the past 5 minutes sniggering to myself reading this thread

 

[Globalti]

We bought ourselves one of these for Christmas and have been having endless fun with it, brought it to the office yesterday and managed to lower myself in every colleague's estimation:

http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/Remote-Contro...mQQptZUK_Toys_Games_Games?hash=item27ae4beb30

 

[Norm]

It's a good job they are invisible, can you imagen what it would be like if they were accompanied by a green gas cloud hanging around.

After I let rip in my son's room (he was 8 or 9 at the time), he looked at me and said "We always talk about the speed of light and the speed of sound. What's the speed of smell?"

I think the green cloud was present that night!

Why is it they always seem to smell worse when you let one rip in the shower ?

Or when you've spent some time in the sea. Whether it is swimming, sailing, windsurfing (although the last two usually also involve plenty of swimming) or whatever, they are deadly.

 

[Kirstie]

My mum once made the mistake of feeding my brother sweetcorn before he had to catch a 4 hour flight to tenerife for his holidays with his sister. Trapped in a tin can over the atlantic, I have never smelt anything like it in my life.

For me, it's chick peas, baked beans and practically every other pulse except butter beans, for some reason. Roast garlic too and, apparently, everything I eat when cycle touring...

 

[Globalti]

Kirsty, when cycle touring.....

 

[Kirstie]

Kirsty, when cycle touring.....

Cheeky man!

Not far from the truth though. Apart from the boiler suit and full face and OMG that BIKE! Yeuch!

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

when cycle touring...

Yeah - after a fairly long ride I tend to get the farts.
Onions (not always) can give me the worst SBD's

 

[bobg]

Anything really..... IBS does that to you

Shouldn't eat spicy foods but I can't say no to a good curry. Also hearty stews/casseroles/stir fry/roast dinners. If I manage to keep the food in for more than an hour after eating, the next day, I suffer and anyone else within a 10 ft radius.

Right on snapper...... one for every step on the stairs in the morning just like my father before me

 

[Bromptonaut]

Fried onions.

 

[661-Pete]

One of my colleagues has acquired one of these which he is surreptitiously leaving lying around at strategic places in the office. For those not acquainted with this eloquent piece of literature, I should explain that it contains a sound-producing gadget powered by a battery. There are about a dozen 'varieties' to select from. Unfortunately it does not appear to have a delayed action, so he cannot make himself scarce before the book has its effect.

I have learnt a lot from this book...