Shame said thief wasn't round here, paint balls would have been the least of his worries.
Reminds me of a tale about a Joint Services mountaineering expedition to the Himalaya. One of them was from Sheffield, all were very fit, being Marines/Special Forces background. They met up in a pub in Sheffield and did some advanced "planning" before returning to the house. The first car pulled up to find a burglary in progress so the resident steamed into said burglars, and in local parlance "gave them a bloody good hiding". They were just approaching the point of deciding that they'd probably had enough and should be allowed to crawl off with dire warnings about what would happen if they were ever seen again, when the second car pulled up. "What d'you mean, burglars? Your house? Here? These lads? *Bastards*. I *F***IN HATE* burglars". A second severe beating ensued before the unfortunate burglars were eventually let go, having doubtlessly been kicked down the road a few times just to emphasise the fact that they were never to return.