numbnuts
Squire
- Location
- Gone over the hill and far away
It's the Kilt that maketh the man
What makes a real man?
- Thread starter TheLondonCyclist
- Start date
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coffeejo
Ælfrēd
- Location
- West Somerset
I don't know about a "real man" (or woman, for that matter) but a Grown Up is someone who has, amongst other things, moved on from obsessing about gender roles and has learnt that people are people: all different, most wonderful, some not.
Saddle bum
Über Member
- Location
- Kent
Mens' rule.
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sport/Male quality time. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping, (Except for “Big Boys Toys”) is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
12. When something needs to be done, we know the best way to do it. If you already know best way, just do it yourself.
13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
15. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Lilac is a flower. We have no idea what Mauve is.
16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to investigate further.
18. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
20. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.
21. You have enough clothes.
22. You have too many shoes.
23. TV soaps are NOT real life, therefore they do not have priority over News, Sport or my dinner.
24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
25. “Does your bum look big in that?” When you’ve got it all in there, we will tell you.
1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don't try to change that.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
3. Saturday = Sport/Male quality time. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
4. Shopping, (Except for “Big Boys Toys”) is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
7. “Yes” and “No” are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
9. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
10. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
12. When something needs to be done, we know the best way to do it. If you already know best way, just do it yourself.
13. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
14. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
15. All men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Lilac is a flower. We have no idea what Mauve is.
16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
17. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle to investigate further.
18. If you ask a question that you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really!
20. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sport, or Cars.
21. You have enough clothes.
22. You have too many shoes.
23. TV soaps are NOT real life, therefore they do not have priority over News, Sport or my dinner.
24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
25. “Does your bum look big in that?” When you’ve got it all in there, we will tell you.
Marshmallow_Fluff
Guest
- Location
- Beds
Please tell me your next thread is not going to be "How are babies made?".. 
slowmotion
Quite dreadful
- Location
- lost somewhere
Drago
Legendary Member
- Location
- Suburban Poshshire
Medallions and Saddam moustaches?
Dunno, probably something about boldly splitting infinitives where none had been split before, although small furry creatures from alpha centauri might have something to say about the matter too. Fist fights with aliens, come in peace shoot to kill etc.
Noodle Legs
Winging it
- Location
- Coalville, Leicestershire
.....doing as a woman tells him!
Yellow Fang
Legendary Member
- Location
- Reading
Changing a tyre without using tyre levers.
Mad Doug Biker
Banned from every bar in the Galaxy
- Location
- Craggy Island
Being able to fix ANYTHING with a Swiss Army Knife.
According to my Dad anyway.
According to my Dad anyway.
Sittingduck
Legendary Member
- Location
- Somewhere flat
B*llocks
The Brewer
Shed Dweller
- Location
- Wrexham
That reminds me of the ELO song
