What poem do you want read at your funeral?

[Beebo]

Fame was a claim of Uncle Ed's Mike's
Simply because he had three heads Bikes
Which if he'd only had a third of
He would never have been heard of

I have changed it for you 3BM,

 

[Smokin Joe]

To be serious, my instructions to Mrs SJ are that should I go first (Which is quite likely when new the 105 chainset and BB arrive this week) she is to spend the absolute minimum on my funeral. Cardboard coffin, hearse only with no funeral cars and the lowest number of mourners she feels she'll need for support. It wouldn't bother me if that comprised of just one neighbour. She'll need the money herself and wasting it on something that is of no importance to me personally doesn't make sense.

 

[subaqua]

To be serious, my instructions to Mrs SJ are that should I go first (Which is quite likely when new the 105 chainset and BB arrive this week) she is to spend the absolute minimum on my funeral. Cardboard coffin, hearse only with no funeral cars and the lowest number of mourners she feels she'll need for support. It wouldn't bother me if that comprised of just one neighbour. She'll need the money herself and wasting it on something that is of no importance to me personally doesn't make sense.

well if its the summer , you could always be use as the fuel for a good BBQ

 

[Slioch]

Actually, thinking about it in a bit more depth, I'd like two sexy women (one preferably from Bananarama) doing this at my funeral............

 

[vernon]

No poetry, no music, no readings, no funeral.

You're aiming for immortality then?

 

[winjim]

To be serious, my instructions to Mrs SJ are that should I go first (Which is quite likely when new the 105 chainset and BB arrive this week) she is to spend the absolute minimum on my funeral. Cardboard coffin, hearse only with no funeral cars and the lowest number of mourners she feels she'll need for support. It wouldn't bother me if that comprised of just one neighbour. She'll need the money herself and wasting it on something that is of no importance to me personally doesn't make sense.

Just chuck me on the compost heap.

 

[Fnaar]

There was a young fellow called Fnaar
Whose parents thought he would go far.
But his love of the smut
And Miss Goodbody's butt
Meant his performance was always low-par.

 

[tyred]

Oh ye heartless swines and fools,
May ye rot and burn in hell's fire.
Why did ye not listen to me?
I told you that I needed a physician,
That the pain in my chest was not
Indigestion, that my blue complexion
Was a sign of impending doom,
Not a reaction to chewing on a blue Bic.
I know that you all wanted rid of me,
Purely to get the inheritance.
Well I have news for you all,
Not a copper pence I leave behind,
I invested it all on things worthwhile,
Fast cars, fast women and champagne -
Sadly the rest I squandered.
Now please lobby the council -
To name a street in my honour.
And now for the closing hymn,
Could the congregation please sing
Onward Christian Soldiers
To the tune of Yellow Submarine.

 

[TVC]

You're aiming for immortality then?

It is nothing less than society deserves to have mre around for ever.

I just don't want a funeral, can't do with the idea of people gathering to feel miserable. Just pop me down the crematorium and give my ashes to my next of kin, job done

 

[Joshua Plumtree]

I'm dreading death, for only then will Mrs Plumtree discover the true cost of all my bikes and wheels!

" Into my heart an air that kills from yon far country blows,
What are those blue remembered hills,
What spires, what farms are those?
That is the land of lost content,
I see it shining plain,
The happy valleys where I went,
And cannot come again."

A. E. Housman.

 

[subaqua]

The first is a bit of a giveaway to the the second... and vice versa. They're not exactly obscure poems.

no not obscure at all, but there are a huge amount of people who just don't do poetry as its" arty farty claptrap " . which it patently isn't . It is a huge clichéd poem for a funeral after FWAAF but I have always liked stop all the clocks, actually TBH I have always liked Auden and night mail was always one I liked to read in English.

sad thing is when asked to explain why I like Auden I can't as I don't know why I like it I just do ! so I failed English GCSE as I couldn't " criticise" . same with books authors etc I know wht I like but have no idea why. anyway we are winding off topic a bit with my ramblings

 

[hoopdriver]

As far as this whole death thing goes I am expecting them to make an exception in my case and leave me out of it, but if for some reason somebody drops the ball and I get caught up in the whole sordid mess than I'd like something that'll make the congregation sit up and take note ( I've no doubt it'll be a huge affair - give people something they really want to see and you're sure to draw a crowd)

I was thinking maybe Howl by Alan Ginsberg...

 

[Cheddar George]

Another one from JCC ....

Something is but nothing
Something it is not
Nil plus nil is nothing
Nothings what I got
Nothing on the tele
Nothing going on
Nothing to get worked up about
Nothing by the ton
Nothing times a million
Nothing minus ten
Don’t say nothing to no one
It’s nothing to do with them
Come all the way from nowhere
And now I’m nowhere else
Where nothing is out of place
No one lives
And nothing smells
Talking to no one
It’s like talking to the wall
I give you what I get
I give you bugger all

 

[Rafferty]

Anything by Spike Milligan.

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Beowulf, translated by Seamus Heaney (all of it)

The entire works of Shakespeare - hoping to take a few more with me