What to do when you find out your BIL is a racist ?

[ebikeerwidnes]

My BIL is probably racist

he is as thick as two very short planks and a taxi driver
so if a "right person" gets in his cab then he will just believe anything they say

and that sot of person - judging the "right person" through his eyes - will be either a "proper working class" person
or someone like Farage

his wife often just tells him to shut up - and he just looks confused

when I contradict him he looks very confused indeed

basically he and I have absolutely nothing in common except for being married to sisters


and - worryingly - our surname!!!

(having said which - some of his family live in Rhyl where I used to teach
and I remember a few people from that area with that name

one was probably the most extreme nut job I have ever run into!!!)

 

[craigwend]

General Chat > Personal Matters > NCAP >>

 

[gbb]

Is he racist, or does he have legitimate concerns about unregulated illegal entry to the UK? Probably political to start going down that route, but it is perfectly possible to be the latter without being the former...although I'm sure many are both.

But don't assume. Unless hes making obviously racist comments etc its not racist per se to be opposed to the manner in which successive governments have failed to grip the problem.

Id agree, in our row of houses we're the only white family and my neighbours are law abiding, decent, friendly folk and I've met plenty of white folk over the years that dont tick a single one of those boxes. But the behaviour of lawful entrants that settle in the UK and move down my street isn't the issue your BiL is railing against.

If you're certain he is racist then dont associate with him. My BiL (Wife's sisters husband) is an utter weenis of the first water and I've come close to chinning him more than once over the years. He makes Ian Beale look thoughtful and charming. I've told my wife what I think and dont go to gatherings if he is likely to be present. What he thinks about that is of no consequence to me.

your opening line covers it perfectly for me.
I have worked with hundreds, possibly thousands of folk from S America, Romania, Poland, etc etc etc and for they're exactly the same as 'us', there's good and bad. Some of them were an absolute pleasure to work with, some I'd be delighted to have as a true friend.

But i have concerns about what's happening in this country, I'm entitled to that opinion and don't remotely consider it racist (in the sense I consider.myself better or they worse). It's an argument of pure economics, availability of services, housing, infrastructure etc etc.
Some will disagree, that's fine.

 

[chris667]

The whole us and them mindset applies no matter which group you belong to. It's a very human thing to be scared of the other lot, especially when you feel as if you're no longer in control of your life.

Seen the videos and it's full of English scum bags council estate types.

I really think you should consider how you look at these people and try to engage with them, rather than try to dismiss them as the enemy. Whether you have money or not is largely circumstance, and so are your life choices to a great extent. Some people manage to transcend the environment they are born into, but many don't - it doesn't make them evil.

I have known lots of lefty middle class types who bandy words like "chav" around. They use it in the same way racists use words like p*ki, n*gger or any other label that labels a group they don't want to live near. It's such a shocking lack of self-awareness. I hope future generations will be much more careful.

Best not to engage with the BIL about their views on immigration. Start with common ground, and see if you can engage with them about other things. A conversation with someone is nothing like their social media.

Or just don't talk to him, but that means you might lose contact with your sister. Is that what you want?

 

[wiggydiggy]

General Chat > Personal Matters > NCAP >>

For once I disagree, I think seeking advice on how to deal with family of a different mindset to yourself is ok here.

@fossyant I think biting your tongue might be the safe option, or just limiting yourself to say "No politics please" (Send him to NACA lol)

 

[wafter]

Is he racist, or does he have legitimate concerns about unregulated illegal entry to the UK? Probably political to start going down that route, but it is perfectly possible to be the latter without being the former...although I'm sure many are both.

But don't assume. Unless hes making obviously racist comments etc its not racist per se to be opposed to the manner in which successive governments have failed to grip the problem.

Id agree, in our row of houses we're the only white family and my neighbours are law abiding, decent, friendly folk and I've met plenty of white folk over the years that dont tick a single one of those boxes. But the behaviour of lawful entrants that settle in the UK and move down my street isn't the issue your BiL is railing against.

If you're certain he is racist then dont associate with him. My BiL (Wife's sisters husband) is an utter weenis of the first water and I've come close to chinning him more than once over the years. He makes Ian Beale look thoughtful and charming. I've told my wife what I think and dont go to gatherings if he is likely to be present. What he thinks about that is of no consequence to me.

I thought exactly the same - to conflate the two would be throwing one's self straight down that road to division and hatred that the gutter press are constantly pushing...

 

[numbnuts]

I sometimes who the racists are, look at all the things they dislike in the British way of lives, we enjoy all these thngs
they dislike them and want us to change our ways to suit themselves.

 

[Moderators]

Mod note: thread closed, one for NCAP.