What's your worst local insult (without swearing)

[Profpointy]

At the risk of raising the tone, how about "thou cream-faced loon". Not really sure what it means but sounds suitably rude. I also like "fools, knaves and prattling cox-combs"

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

At the risk of raising the tone, how about "thou cream-faced loon". Not really sure what it means but sounds suitably rude. I also like "fools, knaves and prattling cox-combs"

Shakespearian quotes. My sister got a big sheet of them as fridge magnets for christmas one year.

 

[roadrash]

A phrase i once heard being used to describe someone of an unattractive nature.....
He/she has a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

 

[Profpointy]

Shakespearian quotes. My sister got a big sheet of them as fridge magnets for christmas one year.

I'd remembered the first one being from Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, but it seems that one is "grey-beard loon" which isn't quite as (un)appealing.

Not quite an insult but maybe a put down was overhearing a very heated if polite dispute in a bookshop. Eventually the complainer leaves huffilly. The bookseller responded with "good day, and good riddance". Was rather splendid.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

I'd remembered the first one being from Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, but it seems that one is "grey-beard loon" which isn't quite as (un)appealing.

Not quite an insult but maybe a put down was overhearing a very heated if polite dispute in a bookshop. Eventually the complainer leaves huffilly. The bookseller responded with "good day, and good riddance". Was rather splendid.

Thy crusty batch of nature

 

[stephec]

Sir Anthony Blunt...

TMN to @Cycleops

Bet you feel a right Sir Anthony now?

 

[gbb]

'She's got a face like a smacked bottom.'

Another variation...
Got a face like a sack full of broken hammers

 

[Mrs M]

From East Kilbride but settled in Aberdeenshire
I could use
"You're doin ma heid in ya bawbag" (you are annoying me you irritating person)
Or
"Away an bile yer heid" (go and boil your head)

 

[ufkacbln]

My brother was in the Air Force and stationed in the Falklands (after the war).

The military personnel referred to the islanders as 'Bennies', as in the character Benny in Crossroads many moons ago.

The top brass heard about this and it was strictly forbidden for the military to refer to them as Bennies. So a new nickname was used: 'Stills' as in 'still Bennies.'

The services have stacks of these

OSLO -Outer Space Liaison Officer - Someone who is not on the same planet

Bootneck (Royal Marine) - Strength of a Carthorse, speed of a Racehorse, and brains of a rocking horse

 

[ufkacbln]

As insults go, the supposedly true quotes form officers annual reports compiled by Rick Jolly are brilliant

• His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

• I would not breed from this Officer.

• This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.

• When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

• He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

• He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

• Technically sound, but socially impossible.

• This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.

• This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

• When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.

• Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

• She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

• He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

• This Officer should go far - and the sooner he starts, the better.

• In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.

• This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

• The only ship I would recommend this man for is citizenship.

• Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

 

[Zimbob]

It's not mine, it's not local, and it involves swearing-lite, but with those caveats, my favourite insult was one I heard in a movie many many years ago, in which one boy says to another: 'If I was a dog and had a face like yours I'd shave my ass and walk backwards.'

Up in this neck of the woods, the traditional reply is : 'It looks like you did'

A good local one here is to call someone a 'radge', generally considered to be the shortened form of 'radgie gadgie' - i.e a nutter of the male persuasion

 

[mr messy]

Haw! Fannybaws! is one of the very few Glesga insults without swearing

 

[ShooglyDougie]

Walloper is always fun to use.

 

[T.M.H.N.E.T]

WAB, which is also a mans name depending on local dialect

 

[Cycleops]

Another variation...
Got a face like a sack full of broken hammers

Better still. Got a face like a hat full of @***holes.