Where are all the dead people ?

[simon.r]

...the rider down posts in commuting are bad enough.

I was a fairly regular poster on a motorbike forum a few years ago and the rider down posts on that tended to be a lot worse

The forum organised an annual 'Memorial Meet', which started after a forum member died and many people said 'I wish I'd met him'. The idea was that it was an opportunity to meet up with people in real life and just have a chat over a cup of tea. Many people would ride literally hundreds of miles to attend.

On one desperately sad occasion a forum member posted that his girlfriend had died earlier that day in a motorbike accident. They were both very well known contributors to the forum. I, along with many other members, had met them both a few times on ride-outs organised through the forum and many other members felt as if they knew them even though they'd not met in real life. I know that the poster got a lot of comfort from the messages of support he received, both publicly posted and via PM.

I attended her funeral, as did literally hundreds of other bikers, many of whom she had known because of her involvement on the forum.

Not really sure what the point of this post is, other than to say that as the internet plays a bigger and bigger part in a lot of people's lives and as the users get older, maybe we can expect to see more posts about death and dying.

 

[ColinJ]

Well, if you really are desperate to read such threads, nip over to BikeRadar and read about the demise of the TheGreatGatsby.

 

[Archie_tect]

Dave R has a good point that the contact and support people get really helps... I'm sure everyone's responses to BOAB's illness and lukesdad's injury are comforting - CC is a great forum and keeps everyone up to date so we know when folk're feeling awful. If CCers needed real help they could rely on us if they needed it. It's great. I guess that's what the OP is meaning.

 

[vernon]

What worries me is the usurping of face to face socialisation through the increasing use of social media.

I enjoy enjoy using social media but there are boundaries to the degree of comfort that I would seek from the online community from my misfortunes. I'd want irreverent comments that entertain to outnumber the sympathy messages by a considerable margin.

I'm regularly perplexed by the 'rider down' postings. I wonder what they hope to achieve. The unfortunate rider is unlikely to have any f=ck5 left to give about folk reading about his/her misfortune and adding messages of sympathy from an online community's members and I'm not sure that I would get any solace from online condolences from folk who have never met/had any social interaction with/had any knowledge of any close relative of mine that had popped his/her clogs.

Last weekend, the true enormity of death by violent means was brought home to me when I visited the Menin Gate, Tyne Cot Commonwealth military cemetery and Langemark German military cemetery.

Amongst the thousands of grave stones I spotted some low key anonymous tributes to some of the fallen - pebbles on the gravestones of Jewish soldiers symbolising the past presence of members of the Jewish community at the graveside and that visitors are made aware of the collective awareness of the death.

Death is a private thing and I remain unconvinced that sharing it on social media has any merits at all.

 

[Globalti]

Yes, visiting the Menin Gate in Ypres was one of the most emotional experiences in my life when I realised that every name engraved on that edifice was the name of somebody who was never seen again and a source of desperate anguish to family and friends.

 

[simon.r]

What worries me is the usurping of face to face socialisation through the increasing use of social media.

I enjoy enjoy using social media but there are boundaries to the degree of comfort that I would seek from the online community from my misfortunes. I'd want irreverent comments that entertain to outnumber the sympathy messages by a considerable margin.

I'm regularly perplexed by the 'rider down' postings. I wonder what they hope to achieve. The unfortunate rider is unlikely to have any f=ck5 left to give about folk reading about his/her misfortune and adding messages of sympathy from an online community's members and I'm not sure that I would get any solace from online condolences from folk who have never met/had any social interaction with/had any knowledge of any close relative of mine that had popped his/her clogs.

Last weekend, the true enormity of death by violent means was brought home to me when I visited the Menin Gate, Tyne Cot Commonwealth military cemetery and Langemark German military cemetery.

Amongst the thousands of grave stones I spotted some low key anonymous tributes to some of the fallen - pebbles on the gravestones of Jewish soldiers symbolising the past presence of members of the Jewish community at the graveside and that visitors are made aware of the collective awareness of the death.

Death is a private thing and I remain unconvinced that sharing it on social media has any merits at all.

It's a difficult one. You were moved visiting a military cemetry, but you may have no direct link to anyone buried there (apologies if you have, but I didn't when I visited some of the war graves in Northern France and I was still extremely moved by the experience).

Yet you also say that 'death is a private thing'.

I think it's very much a case of 'each to their own'.

I've sought emotional help via social media in troubled times and it's worked (to a point) for me. If it doesn't work for others then that's fine.

 

[vernon]

It's a difficult one. You were moved visiting a military cemetry, but you may have no direct link to anyone buried there (apologies if you have, but I didn't when I visited some of the war graves in Northern France and I was still extremely moved by the experience).

It's a question of scale.

One cyclist down vs 120,000 names on memorial walls and gravestone in just three sites.....

I'd challenge anyone to unmoved by the mass death of a sizeable proportion of a generation of several nations in an act of folly of questionable benefit to anyone.

 

[Globalti]

I find internet condolences completely hollow and insincere I'm afraid, the whole business of expressing bogus sympathy on the web ranks alongside the people who over-enthuse "Cheersfanksalot" when you pay them a small routine courtesy. I wish people wouldn't do it; all this "RIP so-and-so" and "Rider down" stuff is so meaningless and only done for show.

It is terribly difficult to offer condolences in a sincere and meaningful way, even "professionals" like religious and medical people will tell you that. You can't do it without knowing something of the circumstances or the deceased and without being accurate about your own feelings and having empathy with the person you are addressing.

Sympathy for an unpleasant event or an accident is something else, a little empathy goes a long way as long as it's expressed sincerely and in a modest way without ostentation.

 

[Chromatic]

After all deaf is a celebration of life.

Pardon

 

[Theseus]

Apologies for not being able to respond to the OP yesterday, but we had the funeral and wake for my MIL, who would have been 88 today.

 

[vernon]

Apologies for not being able to respond to the OP yesterday, but we had the funeral and wake for my MIL, who would have been 88 today.

I'd have been too pissed to respond.

I've run out of UK based Jamaican born relatives to have any more wakes to look forward to.

 

[Theseus]

I'd have been too pissed to respond.

Well, there was that as well. She had a good sendoff. My wife is one of 7 sisters and this was about the 3rd or 4th time they have all been together as the eldest had left home when the youngest was born.

 

[Arch]

The reaction always reminds me of how people like to see their dinner all neatly packed up in a piece of plastic packaging, but DON'T ever want to see or even think about where it came from.

People just don't want to look reality in the face.

I'm perfectly able to look reality in the face. I have, twice. And I'm not remotely afraid of death (only of the dying process being unpleasant, I'd rather go in an instant, or in my sleep).

My objection to the OP was to the style and flippancy. A sensitive discussion of death is one thing, and can be helpful, but numerous typos, grammatical errors and exclamation marks strikes me as disrespectful. I note the OP hasn't been back. I also suspected alcohol.

 

[asterix]

Apart from not being here

We hear of people being ill though where are the threads on people dying ? Come on dying people lets talk about it !

Can't say I've ever seen one except for the BBC bullentins

After all deaf is a celebration of life.

I think if I had weeks/ days to live I'd post it !

I am more optimistic. But a close member of family has serious cardio-vascular issues and takes a truckload of medicines to stay alive.

5 years she drove a car for the last time and last rode her bike about 18 months ago. Her physical endurance decreases practically by the month and she is now older than her sister who died 2 years ago. It's not an easy situation.

What exactly did you want to know, anyway?

 

[Gromit]

My mum suffering a slow painful death through terminal cancer. Believe me It's not fun. The tumor on her face has increased in size and is rotting so it smells. She has a syringe driver giving her drugs as she is unable to absorb them due to constant vomiting. She has a feeding tube and the cancer is also inside her mouth restricting her breathing.

Her hb was 6.2 last week we can't get her transfusion and the risk of a bleed is high. Oh and that is what we are waiting for an arterial bleed.

So dying is certainly not fun. Sorry for spelling mistakes as writing this on phone.