Worlds worst dad jokes.

[Ming the Merciless]

What do you call a guy who’s really loud?


Mike.

 

[Ming the Merciless]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

 

[Sharky]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

And walking along the path at the top of the White Cliffs ....

Eileen Dover

 

[alicat]

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

And what do you call her when she comes from a Channel port?

Eileen Dover.

 

[alicat]

^^^

Drat, you beat me to it @Sharky

And yours is a better Dad joke!

 

[Sharky]

^^^

Drat, you beat me to it @Sharky

And yours is a better Dad joke!

And I'll pass on the jokes about her friends ...
Isobel, Teresa and Nicholas

 

[PeteXXX]

What do you call a man with a spade in his head?

Doug..

 

[PeteXXX]

What do you call a man without a spade in his head?

Douglas

 

[Ming the Merciless]

What do cows say when they hear a bad joke?

“I am not amoosed.”

 

[Sharky]

Walking along the White Cliffs, I met a local and asked him, "Do people often fall over?"

To which he replied, "No, only once!"

 

[Ming the Merciless]

What’s Forest Gump’s password?

1Forest1.

 

[Poacher]

What do you call a man with a paper suit?
Russel

 

[Hover Fly]

Once, my dad asked me to go and check the town clock‘s time (power cut) about 20 minutes there and back, being lazy I said I might forget it so he should go and set his own watch, “Write the time down” he replied.

 

[Poacher]

Once, my dad asked me to go and check the town clock‘s time (power cut) about 20 minutes there and back, being lazy I said I might forget it so he should go and set his own watch, “Write the time down” he replied.

Reminded me of the Goon Show classic:

Bluebottle	What time is it Eccles?
Eccles	Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle	Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles	Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles	What is it fellow?
Bluebottle	It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles	I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle	Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles	Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Ooohhh...
Eccles	[Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle	Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles	I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle	Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles	Oohhhh.
Bluebottle	'Ere Eccles?
Eccles	Yah.
Bluebottle	Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles	What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle	No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles	Oh dear.
Bluebottle	You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles	Oooohhh?
Bluebottle	His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles	Oooohhh.
Bluebottle	It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles	Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle	My granma.
Eccles	Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle	She's got it written down on a piece of paper!

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

Reminded me of the Goon Show classic:

Bluebottle	What time is it Eccles?
Eccles	Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle	Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles	Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles	What is it fellow?
Bluebottle	It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles	I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle	Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles	Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle	Ooohhh...
Eccles	[Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle	Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles	I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle	Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles	Oohhhh.
Bluebottle	'Ere Eccles?
Eccles	Yah.
Bluebottle	Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles	What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle	No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles	Oh dear.
Bluebottle	You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles	Oooohhh?
Bluebottle	His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles	Oooohhh.
Bluebottle	It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles	Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle	My granma.
Eccles	Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle	She's got it written down on a piece of paper!

Stunningly funny and stupid