Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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welsh dragon
Thanks but no thanks. I think I'll pass.
For 5 minutes maybe.
To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words: there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, “You're next, Chubby.”
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, “You're next, Chubby.”
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
Last edited by a moderator:
Cubist
Still wavin'
- Location
- Ovver 'thill
Cycling through Bradford the other night, people were throwing bhajis and samosas at me, and that was just for starters.
A Utah Mormon was seated next to an Irish Catholic on a flight back to the States from London . Once the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.
The Irishman asked for a whiskey and a glass of Guinness, which were promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drinks back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
The Irishman asked for a whiskey and a glass of Guinness, which were promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Mormon if he would like a drink.
He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."
The Irishman then handed his drinks back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
When geese fly south why is one leg of the V formation always longer?
Because that side has more geese in it.
Because that side has more geese in it.
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
threebikesmcginty
Corn Fed Hick...
- Location
- ...on the slake
The one with biggest feet!
- Location
- Next door to Mr Benn at No 54
My wife and I went to the Royal Kent Show and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ... Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice! a week! ...You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ...You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow
'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs ... Smiled and said, 'He mated 50 times last year, that's almost once a week.'
We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,
'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, 'WOW~~That's more than twice! a week! ...You could learn a lot from him.'
We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said,
in capital letters,
'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'
My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said,
'That's once a day ...You could REALLY learn something from this one.'
I looked at her and said,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow
