I love my HYBRID to bits !!!!!!
Be careful who you tell:
HERE is no gentle way of saying this: Robert Stewart has been placed on the sex offenders’ register after being caught “trying” to have sex with a bicycle.
Cycle enthusiast Stewart was at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year. Two cleaners came in.
The rest is so much court testimony as Mr Stewart stands before the Beak at Ayr Sheriff Court and admits to a sexual breach of the peace.
Deputy fiscal Gail Davidson relays the scene: “They [the cleaners] knocked on the door several times and there was no reply. They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down. The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex.”
It is not known if Ms Davidson demonstrated this movement. But legal types wishing to re-enact the scene should take care to lock the door and keep a can of WD40 to hand. As recorded: “Here at the Telegraph offices, we have spent much of the afternoon trying to work out the ins and outs of this, so to speak.” Full report to follow.
Mr Stewart has been placed on the sex offenders’ register.
He awaits sentencing and we wonder what punishment should fit the crime? Should the instrument be taken into account? Was the abused bicycle a tandem, a Penny Farthing or a willing and up-for-it boneshaker. If, say it were a child’s trike, we believe Mr Stewart should be stripped naked and hauled across hot tarmac.
Although, this may be less of a punishment than a joy – Anorak recalls the name Karl Watkins, an electrician, jailed for inappropriate sexual contact with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
And we revisit our earlier question and wonder how you can punish a man who has sex with a bike in way that will bring satisfaction to the decent, but no satisfaction to the guilty..?
