Am i being selfish ?

[cyberknight]

Today the wife said ...
"shall we go out for a meal at the weekend for our annerverary ?"

I asked if she would prefer saturday or sunday evening and i was told that her mum can`t do either and it would have to be sunday lunch .Now the wife knows full well sunday morning is the only time i get to go out with the club and what with the new baby , illness etc i have probably been out less than ten times this year with them.
I do all the house cleaning in the week/saturday , gardening which she never touches so if i get chance i can get out on Sunday ..I offered to go out on my own early without even raising the fact that i will miss the one thing that i enjoy yet again and she gives me the evil eye and says "forget it "

Wife then admits she wanted us to out without her family in tow but will not stand up to her mum and tell her .
Am i being selfish? seems to me people always schedule stuff for sunday morning /dinner and expect me to drop everything every time when there are plenty of other times that they could do things .I know that family comes first but should it be always at my expense ?

 

[oldfatfool]

Tell the MiL to get stuffed. There is no way in hell I would be inviting the in laws to an anniversary meal, unless it was a milestone and you where having a party, let alone going out at a time of her choosing. Sorry mate you is under the thumb.

Edit to add, The MiL should be volunteering to babysit the curtain climber so you can go out as a couple for a beano.

 

[Mike5537]

Tell the MiL to get stuffed. There is no way in hell I would be inviting the in laws to an anniversary meal, unless it was a milestone and you where having a party, let alone going out at a time of her choosing. Sorry mate you is under the thumb.

Edit to add, The MiL should be volunteering to babysit the curtain climber so you can go out as a couple for a beano.

Seconded!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[Boris Bajic]

Your response is entirely normal. So is your wife's. Neither of you is being selfish.

Marriage involves taking on a whole new extended family. Childbirth involves a whole lot more commitment. There are sacrifices.

These issues are now far behind me (our youngest is a teen) but I remember clearly the times when they were not.

It can seem tough at the time, but missing out on a few bike rides is the least of it. This will not be what you want to hear now, but a bike ride is just a bike ride.

You and your wife have a lifetime of togetherness ahead and the little bundle(s) of joy you raise will be happier and healthier if that lifetime of togetherness is filled with mutual support and smiles. I see too many children among family and friends who are being brought up in the absence of smiles or (scarier still for me) by parents who are no longer an item. In some cases this is because lines were drawn in the sand over issues that seem petty in the wider scheme of things.

People on this forum might tell you to go for the ride. You may not look back in twenty years, proud that you did so. You may, but you may not.

If you make sacrifices for your family they will be re-paid. This sounds like bullshit, but it works.

I barely turned a pedal from the birth of my first until she was old enough to learn to ride. It didn't kill me.

I get a daily smile and hug from the wife who gave up a lot for our children and is pleased I gave up one or two things too*.

(* Apart from several postings overseas).

 

[oldfatfool]

(at BB) It's not just about the bike ride though is it?? I get the sense that there is going to be a hell of a lot of resentment building up if swmbo is putting her mum number 1 in their marriage and he can't even take his wife out to celebrate their anniversary without her coming along. In a word Unhealthy for the relationship, snap it in the bud.

 

[derrick]

[QUOTE 1908302, member: 45"]I must admit I found it a bit odd when you mentioned the mother in law going out with you for your anniversary.

She should be offering to have the baby. Overnight![/quote]
+1

 

[Speicher]

[QUOTE 1908302, member: 45"]I must admit I found it a bit odd when you mentioned the mother in law going out with you for your anniversary.

She should be offering to have the baby. Overnight![/quote]

Definitely!

 

[cyberknight]

Mother in law has always been a control freak and my wife never stands up to her, i just get a load of whinging about how she should after the event.

 

[alans]

The last time my MiL visited I wouldn't let her in because my wife was out .She became insistent about being admitted & didn't get the message untill I actually told her to F**ck Off.
She's not been back since.
Win Win

 

[boydj]

Personally, I'd live without the bike ride in this situation (and try not to resent it), but at the same time I'd insist on going out as a family at a time that suits me - without mother-in-law. The situation has got to come to a head at some point and it's important that you and the wife are together on whatever happens. A falling out with mil may be painful, but should only be temporary and may lead to a better relationship in the long run.

 

[DCLane]

[QUOTE 1908302, member: 45"]I must admit I found it a bit odd when you mentioned the mother in law going out with you for your anniversary.

She should be offering to have the baby. Overnight![/quote]

Agree absolutely.

If she won't find someone else who will. One of us with young children even

An anniversary meal / overnight should be just the two of you. And that would be my reasoning.

For my 20th this year a couple kindly offered to have our two boys overnight, since there's no parents nearby who could.

 

[Hacienda71]

I married a Brazilian lass. See mil once every two or three years :-)

 

[400bhp]

Snap (well different country but nevertheless)..

Unless she is here for 6 months.

To be fair I get on extremely well with the mil-never gets in the way. My wife bosses her about.

 

[ianrauk]

My MIL has moved into the same street as us so she could be closer to her only grandson. She's a great lady.

Anniversary dinner..MIL? No I don't think so.
If she want's to go with you then get her to pay.

 

[Night Train]

[QUOTE 1908302, member: 45"]I must admit I found it a bit odd when you mentioned the mother in law going out with you for your anniversary.

She should be offering to have the baby. Overnight![/quote]
This too.

As much as I really like Arch's mum, and my own folks, an anniversaries would be the two of us, with no parents around.

It would be like having parents along on honeymoon!