Am i being selfish ?

[Berties]

horses for courses,i got married in december 1990 1 night away,and flew straight to the the first gulf war,we never make a big thing of anniversarys always to busy ,dozen red roses and last years card and we go out with the kids at the nearest weekend,we do treat it as a family event,i take the kids as i might not be able to find much to say to the wife ,but not my mil,i also never left my kids with any one, till they went to pre school but that was always my choice,and we bore the financial pressure that causes
but to your question am i selfish ,we all need to have our own time and your wife should appreciate your commitment to your hobby

 

[roadrash]

if you chose to give up your ride for your wifes convenience then i could understand ,but for the mother in law ,who shouldnt even be going , f*!kin no chance .
remember the difference between OUTLAWS and INLAWS .. outlaws were wanted

 

[Electric_Andy]

Seconded!

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

Thirded

 

[ushills]

I wouldn't personally take the mother or MIL with us.

An anniversary is a time for both of you. We have taken the kids with us or had a romantic meal in when we can't get sitters. But the older generation, well they've enough time.

 

[DCLane]

Just a thought ... how's she expecting more grandchildren if she comes along too?

 

[cyberknight]

Just a thought ... how's she expecting more grandchildren if she comes along too?

Ha Ha !!!!
wife has told me to get the snip anyway
And the real reason the MIL wants to go out on a sunday..........bingo is on saturday and nothing stands in the way of bingo , she has even goes out to bingo when relatives who have driven over a hundred miles to visit and stay are here.

 

[jdtate101]

Today the wife said ...
"shall we go out for a meal at the weekend for our annerverary ?"

I asked if she would prefer saturday or sunday evening and i was told that her mum can`t do either and it would have to be sunday lunch .Now the wife knows full well sunday morning is the only time i get to go out with the club and what with the new baby , illness etc i have probably been out less than ten times this year with them.
I do all the house cleaning in the week/saturday , gardening which she never touches so if i get chance i can get out on Sunday ..I offered to go out on my own early without even raising the fact that i will miss the one thing that i enjoy yet again and she gives me the evil eye and says "forget it "

Wife then admits she wanted us to out without her family in tow but will not stand up to her mum and tell her .
Am i being selfish? seems to me people always schedule stuff for sunday morning /dinner and expect me to drop everything every time when there are plenty of other times that they could do things .I know that family comes first but should it be always at my expense ?

The weather is supposed to be good at the weekend, so get up REALLY early, ie sunrise and go out anyway. Do your round (ok you can't go out with the club, but a ride is a ride ), and then get back for lunch with her, everyone wins. Personally, if my MIL wanted to come on a private dinner for my anniversary, I'd just make it VERY clear that she was not welcome and that it was private.

 

[lejogger]

Forgetting the MiL and just concentrating on the anniversary and the ride... On a special occasion, you should probably put that first - as long as you make it known that you'll give the ride a miss this week to make way for family time there shouldn't be any arguments about going next week should there? You'll get a ride (albeit in a weeks time) and maybe even some brownie points too for your sacrifice.

 

[Silver Fox]

Seeing as it's your anniversary and assuming you enjoy being married if it was me I'd keep my thoughts to myself and go along with what your wife wants if only to keep the peace.

Once the weekend is out of the way sit down and tell her straight how you feel about the MiL situation and having your time to go out cycling. Talking through a problem is better than letting it fester as little problems in a marriage/relationship can snowball into major issues then it all ends in tears.

 

[cyberknight]

Forgetting the MiL and just concentrating on the anniversary and the ride... On a special occasion, you should probably put that first - as long as you make it known that you'll give the ride a miss this week to make way for family time there shouldn't be any arguments about going next week should there? You'll get a ride (albeit in a weeks time) and maybe even some brownie points too for your sacrifice.

Its not just this week , i might get out once a month with the club atm as family does come first and i did offer to go out on my own early , <sexist non pc mode one > ruddy woman i cant win !! < rant mode off >

 

[ColinJ]

Ha Ha !!!!
And the real reason the MIL wants to go out on a sunday..........bingo is on saturday and nothing stands in the way of bingo , she has even goes out to bingo when relatives who have driven over a hundred miles to visit and stay are here.

MIL can't give up her bingo to let you and your wife can have a romantic wedding anniversary together, so you have to give up your cycling instead - great!

I think your wife should stand up to her mum and tell her what's what. Oh, and I also think that she should be very pleased that you want to keep yourself fit and healthy so you can stick around long enough to share many more anniversaries with her. If to achieve that she has to let you out on a Sunday for a club run a couple of times a month, then that sounds like a price she should be happy to pay!

 

[cyberknight]

Anyway .......

Convinced swmbo that we will go out for a meal ourselves kids in tow and the MIL can steam in her own juices,

 

[RoyPSB]

MIL can't give up her bingo to let you and your wife can have a romantic wedding anniversary together, so you have to give up your cycling instead - great!

I think your wife should stand up to her mum and tell her what's what. Oh, and I also think that she should be very pleased that you want to keep yourself fit and healthy so you can stick around long enough to share many more anniversaries with her. If to achieve that she has to let you out on a Sunday for a club run a couple of times a month, then that sounds like a price she should be happy to pay!

Spot on - your wife can fix this very easily.

 

[400bhp]

Its not just this week , i might get out once a month with the club atm as family does come first and i did offer to go out on my own early , <sexist non pc mode one > ruddy woman i cant win !! < rant mode off >

Yes, but generally club rides do take up most of the [useable] day and is the reason why I usually baulk at them. My club run meet at 9 but they faff about and don't get away until 9:20 ish.

Why not got out on your own/with others earlier-say 7am start? Back for lunch and then have the rest of the day with the family.

 

[Mr Haematocrit]

Mother in law has always been a control freak and my wife never stands up to her, i just get a load of whinging about how she should after the event.

If the MIL causes issues in your life or relationship im curious to know what is it that prevents you from standing up to her, after all she is now part of your family?
If my MIL did something I did not like, I would most certainly inform her of this fact myself.