am i wrong???

[tdr1nka]

Nowt as queer as folk, Buggi.

In total agreement with you being upset.
These things always leave question marks in the back of your mind.

Did she possibly imagine you would have been a voice of dissaproval of her getting married?

 

[mickle]

She has set you up. She's burning her bridges. Having made the momentous decision to emigrate she knows that leaving her family and friends behind will be deeply upsetting for her and much easier if she can fall out with you first. She has manipulated the situation, knowing full well that it would upset you, make you pissed off with her, and therefore set you up as the baddie. It'll be interesting to see how many other people she'll piss off before March.

 

[spandex]

Just tell her how you feel.

 

[TVC]

100% with you Buggi, she sounds totally unreasonable - do make sure you keep to the high ground though.

 

[spandex]

But why dose some one need to be on the high ground VC?

 

[Willow]

sorry to put a dampner on Christmas day but i have to ask if i am justified in being a little pissed off that i sat in my sister's house the other day for over an hour and she didn't tell me she got married two weeks ago. everyone else knows.

she doesn't understand why i'm upset and i can't understand why she doesn't understand.

who is wrong here?

(by the way, besides that, i am actually pleased for her but i do think she should have told people as she is emigrating in 3 months and i think people would like to have been there. apparently i'm the only one that has reacted like this but i suspect no one else has told her how they really feel)

unbelievable. My brother told me 2 weeks before he was getting married and swore me to secrecy so no one else knew, not a good position to be in.

 

[Willow]

Some families are dysfunctional to varying degrees and at different levels.

About thirty years ago I drove sixty miles to visit my mother to find that not only had she moved but the entire street had been demolished. She just hadn't got around to writing a letter to let me know - neither of us had phones installed.

I just saw it as a challenge to find her new address and tracked her down in 20 minutes. I still smile at the image of turning the corner of the street where she lived and seeing a huge void.

I'd not get too hung up on the event. She's still your sister she kept a secret from you but hey - you saved on wedding presents and the expense of attending a wedding. The black mood will dissipate I'm sure.

Not sure if I would have laughed or cried faced with that

 

[buggi]

Nowt as queer as folk, Buggi.

In total agreement with you being upset.
These things always leave question marks in the back of your mind.

Did she possibly imagine you would have been a voice of dissaproval of her getting married?

she couldn't have thought this. i was the one she confided in when she thought he was still with his ex (which he was) and i've been the least judgemental of all her ****-ups, and always keep her secrets. this is prob why i am so hurt she didn't tell me.

Just tell her how you feel.

i did, but she now thinks i should "just be happy for her, it was what she wanted to do, and everyone else is happy for her, including her friends". she doesn't seem to understand its not the running off and getting married i don't agree with (in fact, i can totally understand it), its that i'm upset it's been nearly two weeks, we've had two phone calls and i've sat in her house for an hour and she didn't tell me. and of course her friends are happy, they are not family and were not kept in the dark, and they heard it straight from the horses mouth.

 

[buggi]

anyway, i sent her a text saying i didn't want to argue, that i was pleased for her, just a bit upset she didn't tell me, and i would phone her later when we had both calmed down and she could tell me all about it. i didn't get a reply. no doubt i'm getting slagged off at my other sisters house right now (who by the way, as my mum and dad are in new zealand, all invited each other to dinner but didn't invite me). again, something else i just let go over the top of my head but i see a picture forming here. (my other sister once banned me for 18 months from going round their coz she didn't like my boyfriend who she had never met).

 

[spandex]

All I can say is try and have another chat as it is not that much of a deal for her to under stand how you are filling.

 

[yello]

I think there's more to this story but I'm not suggesting you're being selective with the truth buggi.

i was the one she confided in when she thought he was still with his ex (which he was)

Think carefully. What did you say? Is there any way that what you could have said something that upset her? Or made her feel she either couldn't, or didn't want to, tell you that she'd actually married the bloke?

People are always going to think something of you, good or bad. You can't control that, nor what they think. No point arguing over it. So it's your call; either focus on your happiness for her and let the rest go, or say 'so be it' and get on with your own life.

 

[buggi]

I think there's more to this story but I'm not suggesting you're being selective with the truth buggi.



Think carefully. What did you say? Is there any way that what you could have said something that upset her? Or made her feel she either couldn't, or didn't want to, tell you that she'd actually married the bloke?

People are always going to think something of you, good or bad. You can't control that, nor what they think. No point arguing over it. So it's your call; either focus on your happiness for her and let the rest go, or say 'so be it' and get on with your own life.

There is nothing i said to upset her. i told her it was up to her what she did and who she saw, i even was first to meet him and i've got on fine with him. i haven't always been a "good girl" myself so it really didn't bother me that he was with someone. The only thing i said was to watch she didn't give him her heart until he got rid of the ex. i was the only person that knew he was. I'm a live and let live kind of person. i even asked my mate in the pub today if it was me, if the reason i didn't get on with my sisters was because of some fatal flaw in my personality that i didn't realise i had. she told me no way, that i'm one of the nicest people she knows, i never judge anyone, i don't listen to other peoples bitching and i never dislike anyone unless they have personally done me wrong. she reckons i'm more easy going than her which is some feat i can tell you! she can't understand it either and was pretty shocked.

besides which, i've never not got on with this sister. we don't argue or anything. this is why i'm so gutted she didn't tell me.

 

[yello]

i was the only person that knew he was.

If all is as you say, and I'm not doubting you, then I can't help but feel this could have something to do with it. Could she be feeling embarrassed? Could she perhaps feel that you'd be disappointed with her?

 

[peanut]

this thread is really weird ?
It says it was all posted today but I first read this weeks ago ?
Am I becoming psychic ? is this deja -vu what is happening

 

[vernon]

Not sure if I would have laughed or cried faced with that

Believe me that was just one event of many. One can rise to the challenge or retire hurt to lick one's wounds. It was the dippiness of my mother - she just hadn't got around to letting me know.

My family is very dysfunctional and allegiances between my brothers are made, broken and repaired on a regular basis. I think that fraternal relationships are more speedily patched up than sororal relationships. I just know that my brothers would come to my assistance if I needed help just as much as I'd go to their aid.

I know my brothers keep secrets from each other. We accept it as we are all aiming to be the masters of our own destinies.

Last weekend I distributed the proceeds of the sale of a house that one brother claimed he had bought from my mother just before she died and judicious probing on my part revealed that a substantial part of the purchase price had not been paid. None of my other brothers were aware of the deceit and were pleasantly surprised when they each received an unexpected Xmas present. One of them might be feeling a bit sore having received only one sixth of his 'outlay' but hey ho there's nothing to complain about really. He still has a bargain property even post housing market meltdown and five of us have a nice wedge of cash to play with. There's no hard feelings that will outlast 2008.