Any good jokes ... ?

[LeetleGreyCells]

Why did they call it the 'Covid Roadmap' and not the 'road to demask us'?

(Shamelessly stolen from Twitter)

 

[roadrash]

Mick and Paddy are standing on top of a cliff. Mick has a budgie on his shoulder and Paddy has a parrot on his. Mick jumps off the cliff. Halfway down the budgie flies off and Mick continues to fall until he hits the ground in a crumpled heap. Paddy then jumps off the cliff. Halfway down the parrot flies off but Paddy quickly pulls out a gun and shoots it dead. He then lands in a similar heap beside his friend.

Mick looks up and says, "Bejaysus, that budgie jumping isn't any fun".

Paddy replies, "I can't recommend the free-fall parrot-shooting either"

 

[PaulB]

Coming back from the off-licence earlier, I slipped in the rain and dropped my shopping bags into a puddle. It really dampened my spirits.

 

[Dave7]

Mick and Paddy are standing on top of a cliff. Mick has a budgie on his shoulder and Paddy has a parrot on his. Mick jumps off the cliff. Halfway down the budgie flies off and Mick continues to fall until he hits the ground in a crumpled heap. Paddy then jumps off the cliff. Halfway down the parrot flies off but Paddy quickly pulls out a gun and shoots it dead. He then lands in a similar heap beside his friend.

Mick looks up and says, "Bejaysus, that budgie jumping isn't any fun".

Paddy replies, "I can't recommend the free-fall parrot-shooting either"

That is so bad I can't think of anyone I dislike enough to send it to.

Oh hang about, yes I can

 

[Arjimlad]

 

[Cavalol]

Police have arrested a woman for stealing a sign reading "& Emergency".

She claimed she found it by Accident.

 

[Bianchi boy]

A friend of mine bought his wife a new coat, made from 80 guinea pig skins, They went to Blackpool for the day as well........

He couldn`t get her off the Big Wheel.

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[craigwend]

 

[mistyoptic]

Interesting warnings

 

[Faratid]

View attachment 578503

Every time I hear a joke about Schrödinger's cat a little part of me dies and simultaneously doesn't die.

 

[Faratid]

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.

The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"

The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"

Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"

The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.

"A cat," Schrödinger replies.

The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."

Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

 

[Faratid]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your
kayak and heat it too.

..............it's a slow Sunday here...........

 

[Dag Hammar]

My first wife was half French. She only shaved one armpit.

 

[Cavalol]