Any good jokes ... ?

[roadrash]

Just as a favour I delivered two huge rolls of bubble wrap to a factory today for a mate who was too busy, he loaned me the van, so fair enough.
When I got there I asked the factory supervisor what he wanted me to do with it. "Just pop it over there in that corner" he said!
Well, five bloody hours it took and my thumbs are killing me!

 

[davelincs]

 

[PaulB]

How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a candle?

 

[mustang1]

View attachment 570891

When self-driving cars become a thing, there will always be the opportunity to engage "peanut" mode. It'll make the car park on the kerb, on double yellows, go thru red lights...

 

[roadrash]

I'm building a life size replica of that boat mentioned in the bible. I'm not filling it with animals but with fish......it's going to be a multi storey carp ark!!

 

[PaulB]

Did you read the joke I posted about a Chiropractor?

It was about a week back.

 

[Dave7]

Just been for my annual check up with my GP who suggested I need an earring made.

What a strange thing to say..

 

[Dave7]

My girlfriend got attacked by a marsupial in Malaysia.
"Kuala Lumpur"?
"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[morrisman]

 

[Seevio]

G'day all

Another busy day. A good start was made on the kitchen fitting but the electrics won't be done until Monday so things will drag on a bit. The new sink is in though! I've also had a painter in and he is to give me a quote in a couple of days.

When I first ordered the kitchen back in January we discussed the type of flooring required. This morning the boss rolled up and asked me what I had arranged in relation to the flooring!! I had thought that was settled. Anyway, a couple of phone calls later and arrangements were made to lay the floor next week. The flooring guy also measured the place and will quote for carpets throughout the house, bar bathroom and kitchen.

I'll just need to get a new builder on site to do the minor property repairs/maintenance next. Maybe sometime soon the light will begin to show at the end of the tunnel.

It's all in the delivery.

 

[Blue]

It's all in the delivery.

Oops, wrong thread

So, as I've made a clown of myself, here's a contribution to this thread:-

A father took his 8 year old daughter to work with him on a "take your kid to work day".

As he took her round introducing her, she began crying and getting cranky'; The other workers gathered round and she started sobbing,
"What's the matter?" they asked.
She replied, still sobbing: "Daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

 

[Buck]

 

[PaulB]

My sister just got a new job as an assistant to an apprentice magician. Well, my half-sister now.

 

[Blue]

The teacher heard little Johnny use some serious language and was shocked.

“Little Johnny, don’t you ever use language like that again, not near me, not ever. Where on earth did you learn that?”

“I got it from my dad, Miss,” replies Johnny.

“Well, your daddy should be ashamed. I hope you don’t know what all that even means?”

“Oh but I do,” says Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”