Any good jokes ... ?

[Dave7]

A guy walks into the pub looking very sad.
He orders a pint and was obviously choked up with emotion.
The bartender asks him if he is OK. The guy says "not really. My wife and I had a row and she said she wouldn't speak to me for whole month"
The bartender says "well that's not too bad" and the guy says" It is, the month finishes tonight".

 

[AndyRM]

 

[Dag Hammar]

With all the hoo-hah over the royal photo there is something that many have possibly overlooked. This was not spotted by me, by the way, it was mentioned in a post by a Telegraph reader who wittily said that Princess Charlotte is practicing wearing high heels by only wearing one at a time.
Her left foot is wearing a flat soled boot. Now look at her right footwear which is partly obscured by her crossed leg. One has a heel and it also looks as though one is suede whilst the other appears to be a smoother leather.

 

[T4tomo]

The press should lay off Kate, its not like she's the first royal to indulge in a bit of touching up

 

[MichaelW2]

Tell me you are one of the lizzard people overlords without telling me that you are one of the lizzard people overlords.

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

A man went into a London supermarket and tried to buy half a cauliflower. The very young greens-produce assistant told him that they sold only whole cauliflowers. The man persisted, and asked to see the manager, and the boy went to find him.

Walking into the stock room, the boy said to his manager, "Some self-gratification artist out there wants to buy half a cauliflower." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the customer standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way.
Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people here who think on their feet. Where are you from, son?"

"Cardiff, sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave Cardiff ?" the manager asked.

The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing there but prostitutes and rugby players."

"Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Cardiff."

"You're kidding?" replied the boy. "What position did she play?"

 

[tyred]

 

[tyred]

 

[Mike Ayling]

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Toyota's own fault for making them so long lasting!

 

[morrisman]

Amal and Juan are identical twins.
Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.
Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

 

[Jameshow]

View attachment 724318

Also true of Volvo 740/940!

 

[Chris S]

 

[Jameshow]

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As well as supplying social workers to Leeds!

 

[craigwend]

And now your singing it...