Any good jokes ... ?

[Gwylan]

Whats the difference between a chickpea and a lentil?

No-one has ever paid £50 to have lentil on their face.

Tut, tut

 

[Cavalol]

View attachment 730362

As a YTS scheme worker at a posh garden centre circa 1981, my mate and I taught the parrot in the pet shop to say 'Tom is a w****r'. One day when we were in there on the next aisle, the foreman (called Tom, funnily enough) walked in and the parrot repeated perfectly what we'd taught it. I'll take that moment to my death bead.

 

[Cavalol]

"My wife got hurt after annoying the marsupials on our trip to a Malaysian zoo."
"Kuala Lumpur?"
"No, a kangaroo kicked her up the arse".

 

[srj10]

After dinner my wife asked me if I could clear the dining table. I needed a running start but I made it.

 

[tyred]

 

[craigwend]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[Tribansman]

Met Office warning of storm force winds coming in from the Atlantic. Insurance firms bracing themselves for a rash of Occidental damage claims.

Punning aside, there is genuine worry when the winds turns northerly. Then it'll be Boreal.

 

[tyred]

 

[Sterlo]

Probably not easily

 

[mistyoptic]

 

[morrisman]

Put a fried egg on my croque monsieur to make it a croque madame and now JK Rowling is outside my house yelling

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

View attachment 730782

Not any more he isn't.

 

[Richard A Thackeray]