Any good jokes ... ?

[Seevio]

View attachment 800812

This is my current "bottle". I reckon there's a couple of months worth left.

 

[ebikeerwidnes]

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY BY PAM AYRES
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;...
T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread.
In her left hand she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
"I am a dominator!!"
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left tit!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My God what had I done!
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one!!"
Well readers, I can tell no more;
Of what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey!!

 

[AndyRM]

Better than the book.

 

[Mike Ayling]

This is my current "bottle". I reckon there's a couple of months worth left.
View attachment 800851

To quote a well known Australian, "that's not a bottle of Worcestershire Sauce, this is a bottle"

 

[Andy in Germany]

I asked a woman out on a date. She turned me down and said I had a face like the back of a boat.

I didn’t say anything, just gave her a stern look.

I suppose you had to bow out after that.

This is my current "bottle". I reckon there's a couple of months worth left.
View attachment 800851

I didn't realise you were supposed to drink it diluted.

 

[Dave7]

Yes, we get through litres of the stuff!

Strange coincidence as I bought my first ever bottle a few weeks back. I used it in a slow cooker meal I made. Not sure it really made any difference and not used it since.
I dont dislike it but it's not my 'go to' addition.

 

[johnnyb47]

It's nice when I mix it into the House Special fried rice I get from the local takeaway.

 

[Jameshow]

It's nice when I mix it into the House Special fried rice I get from the local takeaway.

I do that too.

I might have the left overs for lunch today!

 

[Gwylan]

Yes, we get through litres of the stuff!

It's Bloody Mary's fault

 

[tyred]

 

[Toshiba Boy]

 

[craigwend]

 

[tyred]

 

[Chris S]

View attachment 800953

Shouldn't that be 13 waters?

 

[tyred]

Shouldn't that be 13 waters?

I think that too but perhaps one of them doesn't drink!