Any good jokes ... ?

[2IT]

A blonde boarded a jet for Houston and demanded a 1st class seat. She sat there although the stewards asked her several times to move. Finally the pilot came back, whispered to her and she went to 2nd class.

After the flight the stewards asked the pilot what was said. Pilot said "Told her that first class doesn't go to Houston".

 

[ufkacbln]

Policeman stops a car with a blonde driver

He asks for ID and she asks him to clarify the question

He explains that it is a small oblong object with her picture on it.

She pulls out her make-up mirror and shows it to the Police Officer

He replies...
If I had known you were a Police Officer .. I would not have stopped you!

 

[Profpointy]

I quite like Dolly Parton's comment "people may think I'm a dumb blonde, but it doesn't bother me; I know they're wrong ... on both counts"

 

[Rickshaw Phil]

Mod note: Just to remind you that this is the jokes thread so the last page of bickering has been removed.

The moderator team are generally pretty lenient in this thread as humour is subjective, however a disappointing number of unsavoury "jokes" have had to be removed recently so can I also remind you to make yourself familiar with the User Rules and Guidelines.

 

[Haitch]

Rickshaw Phil said ↑
Mod note: humour is subjective,

You're not wrong

There were some jokes last night that you probably didn't see where the humour was anything but subjective.

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

All I said was @Cunobelin was really Terry Thomas.
Where is the disruption in that ?
Jeezy Creezy.
Someone tell a joke

 

[Markymark]

All I said was @Cunobelin was really Terry Thomas.
Where is the disruption in that ?
Jeezy Creezy.
Someone tell a joke

Cos it wouldn't have made sense when the rest of it was removed.

 

[OskarTennisChampion]

Cos it wouldn't have made sense when the rest of it was removed.

I suppose

 

[Markymark]

I suppose

...and it was part of an off-topic discussion that got removed in it;s entirety, including my joke about the mother-in-law.

 

[TwickenhamCyclist]

All I said was @Cunobelin was really Terry Thomas.
Where is the disruption in that ?
Jeezy Creezy.
Someone tell a joke

I always have to do a Terry Thomas impression when we pass this sign down in Cornwall

 

[machew]

What's the most valuable thing next to Silver?
The Lone Ranger's bottom.

 

[ufkacbln]

I quite like Dolly Parton's comment "people may think I'm a dumb blonde, but it doesn't bother me; I know they're wrong ... on both counts"

Or Mae West's:


“When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better. ”

 

[JtB]

I'm going to set up a business for horse fine-dining. I'm going to call it courses for horses.

 

[subaqua]

I always have to do a Terry Thomas impression when we pass this sign down in Cornwall

View attachment 124861

except in this case YOU ARE ha ha ha that is funny

 

[Smokin Joe]

Another Dolly Parton -

"It costs a fortune to look this cheap"