Any good jokes ... ?
- Thread starter cisamcgu
- Start date
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Pro Tour Punditry
Guru
I just received a text saying I had won either £250 cash or tickets for an Elvis tribute act; I was told to press 1 for the money, 2 for the show
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
Have I done my Alzheimer's joke yet?
JtB
Prepare a way for the Lord
- Location
- North Hampshire
The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!"
Ming the Merciless
There is no mercy
- Location
- Inside my skull
I think you di mentia it
subaqua
What’s the point
- Location
- Leytonstone
Doctors tried treating Alzheimer's with viagra. All it did was give the old boys big erections they couldn't remember what to do with
Landing on the sun.
Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is too hot. How can your man land on the sun?”
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Kim Jong-Un quietly answered "We will land at night”.
The gathering and everyone in North Korea watching on television broke into thunderous applause.
Back in Washington , Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference
When Trump heard what Kim said, he sneered - "What an idiot. Everybody knows there’s no sun at night.”
His cabinet and everyone working in the White House broke into thunderous applause.
Kim Jong-Un announced at a news conference that North Korea would be sending a man to the sun within ten years!
A reporter said - "But the sun is too hot. How can your man land on the sun?”
There was a stunned silence. Nobody knew how to react.
Kim Jong-Un quietly answered "We will land at night”.
The gathering and everyone in North Korea watching on television broke into thunderous applause.
Back in Washington , Donald Trump and his entourage were watching the news conference
When Trump heard what Kim said, he sneered - "What an idiot. Everybody knows there’s no sun at night.”
His cabinet and everyone working in the White House broke into thunderous applause.
ClichéGuevara
Legendary Member
- Location
- Kingston upon the River Hull
I've just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman wearing a cat flap.
swee'pea99
Legendary Member
You remind me of this, originally posted here (I now discover) eight years ago...
A guy is driving through Hartlepool and sees a sign in front of a house
that reads, "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell to inquire and
the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the
backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5
about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country
to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no
one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most
valuable spies for eight years running."
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job
at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious
characters and listen in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was
awarded a batch of medals."
"I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for
the dog.
"Ten quid," the guy says.
"Ten quid? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so
cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
