Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

 

[Cavalol]

I've just got back from Oak Furniture Land.

Worst theme park ever.

 

[User6179]

This reminded me of somewhere...…….


View: https://twitter.com/timoncheese/status/1010234011984318464

 

[Cavalol]

For someone who has posted a load of very funny jokes on here, you are showing a distinct lack of a sense of humour, which is a bit sad. Sorry I dented your ego by mentioning a mistake you made.

In that case I offer a genuine apology. I saw the 'rolling eyes' emoji and thought you were trying to dig me out.

Sorry about that, really.

 

[Tim Hall]

(My Dad told me this joke thirty odd years ago. It was probably the rudest joke he ever told. It was his funeral yesterday, so I thought I'd share it)

A punk goes to the doctor, having put several safety pins though his "tool".
"Doctor, can you help me. I've put all these safety pins through my tool, so now when I go for a pee, it sprays out all over the place"
The doc scratches his head and then writes a name on a piece of paper.
"Go and see this chap"
"Why, is he a specialist? Can he mend it?"
"No, he's a flute player, he'll teach you how to hold it"

 

[Smokin Joe]

Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on ebay?

I made one for a cowboy outfit last night and now I'm only ten minutes away from owning Network Rail.

 

[Cavalol]

Do you want a price for the job? He asked, tenderly.

 

[Cavalol]

I bought this lovely tandem but she still won’t marry me, he said lackadaisically.

 

[Tim Hall]

"Watch what you're doing with that paddle," said Tom, awestruck.

 

[Cavalol]

It’s a little known fact that the father of England Striker Danny Welbeck is a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

 

[Dave7]

I

It’s a little known fact that the father of England Striker Danny Welbeck is a bomb disposal expert called Stan.

I did "like" that but it should be in factoids.
It is true isn't it!

 

[Dave7]

A guy wakes up in hospital...covered in bandages. Doctor explaines "you have been in a bad accident. Sadly your willy was chopped off and couldnt be found. Good news is you have a £10K insurance payout and we can rebuild it. Cost will be £1K per inch so I suggest you talk it over with your wife tonight....see what size she would prefer"
Next day doctor asks "did you talk it over with your wife? What was the decision"?
The guy tells him "yes we did talk it over. We're having a new kitchen".

 

[Cavalol]

Mountains aren't funny, they're hill areas.

 

[Cavalol]

My mate has just taken up painting. He only uses cheeses, but he's doing really well. His best piece was when he did his wife, he double Gloucester.

 

[Wixsteman]

That’s really cheesy