Any good jokes ... ?

[Cavalol]

An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor's
shop with a pair of torn pants.
"Euripides?" says the tailor.
"Yeah, Eumenides?" replies the man.

 

[Cavalol]

Karen Carpenter revealed her ugly anti-Slavic racism by standing on top of the world & looking down on Croatians.

 

[Dave7]

A guy I know reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them.

Personally I think he torques out of his ar*e.

 

[benb]

A guy I know reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them.

Personally I think he torques out of his ar*e.

My ex-girlfriend was a mechanic.
Well, she tightened my nuts.

 

[Cavalol]

I never did get my dream job as a sound technician, but I'm not one to one to one to complain.

 

[machew]

As a spectator at the last Summer Olympics, I saw a guy walking around carrying a 10 foot long stick...

"Are you a pole vaulter?" I asked.

"No," he responded. "I'm a German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"

 

[Dayvo]

Oooh, somebody's got a strap on.

No, it's just my nervous tick.

I may not be the first person to use that gag. Probably the second, though.

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[betty swollocks]

 

[Salty seadog]

Got pulled over for speeding once by a female copper. Thought I'd got away with it by telling her how pretty she was until I said "and that's not just the beer talking"

 

[Cavalol]

Scientists say we’ll be able to live on Mars one day. What a load of b******s! I tried it once for a month, needed two fillings, put on half a stone and nearly ended up with type 2 diabetes.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

I was out fishing yesterday when I heard a soft voice saying "Kiss me, then I will turn into your faithful mistress"

I looked down and saw a little frog, I said "Was that you speaking"?

The little frog said "Yes, kiss me and I will turn into your faithful mistress"

So I picked the little frog up and placed it in an empty bait box. When I got home, the missus was out, so I opened the bait box and the little frog said

"Are you going to kiss me now so I can turn into your faithful mistress"?

I said "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog"

 

[Cavalol]

Diana!" I said, greeting my mother-in-law as she walked through the door...
She said, "My name's Anna."
I said, "Yes, I know."

 

[Cavalol]

So I was walking in the jungle the other day when I saw a monkey with a banana in one hand and a tin opener in the other.
I said to him "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana."
He replied "I know, it's for the custard."

 

[Cavalol]

My wife and I have been happily married for two years now.



1995 and 2009.