Any good jokes ... ?

[further]

Strictly is on.

Thats why I am on here, cant f***** stand it

 

[Cavalol]

Saddam Ant

 

[Cavalol]

My wife told me she wanted a spa day for her birthday.

I'll tell her it's pronounced 'spade' when I give it to her tomorrow.

 

[Lullabelle]

 

[machew]

I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.

It’s a pretty good µ-boat.

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

Acker Bilko

 

[LCpl Boiled Egg]

I built a 1:1,000,000 model of a German submarine.
It’s a pretty good µ-boat.

Check the post above the post above?

 

[betty swollocks]

He likes big mutts and he cannot lie.

 

[colly]

 

[bruce1530]

“I discovered that I can cut wood, just by looking at it"
"Really?"
"Yeah, I saw it with my own eyes".

 

[Dayvo]

I dropped a log on my foot once.

Bloody French toilets!

 

[Cavalol]

Well, it just goes to show, you never know who's reading your jokes.
I've been contacted by an agent from the show 'Miranda', and they've asked if I'd like to join their team of writers.

Absolutely gutted, I always thought I was quite funny.

 

[Arjimlad]

My band tried to practice "Boogie Wonderland" last night but we set off the Earth, Wind & Fire Alarm !

 

[Cavalol]

Daughter: What does gays mean?
Me: Well you know mum and dad love each other - two men can love each other the same way
Her: So what's 'penetrating gays'?
Me: Er... read me the whole sentence
Her: "She stared at him with a penetrating gaze"
Me: Oh

 

[morrisman]

We have no land to call our own,
But surely that don't matter,
Use someone else's
Don't get caught,
Just plough the fields and scatter!