Arch's hootenanny! Come on in!

[Arch]

Right, anyone not going out tonight, here's the place to be. I've ordered up a couple of firkins of nice beer, a case or two of wine, and a mixed cocktail cabinet of odds and ends - you know, advocaat, blue curacao, lime cordial etc. Plus soft drinks of course, and a vast groaning table of nibbles and finger food.

And the tea urn is fired up.

Come in, bung your coats over there, and get warm in front of the enormous log fire. (this virtual decor is great, I could even have a turnspit with roasting pig. In fact... There! Pork rolls anyone?)

Now, I want sparkling conversation, amusing banter, gags (clean please, in case of any small children who might be staying up) and a little light background music.

Anyone arriving tomorrow morning can do the washing up....

 

[rich p]

I'll have beer please and have you heard this one...



...
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third, everything had just been reduced by 50 percent when her mobile phone rang.

It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been in a terrible car accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The woman told the doctor to inform her husband where she was and that she'd be there as soon as possible.

As she hung up she realized she was leaving what was shaping up to be her best day ever in the boutiques. She decided to get in a couple of more shops before heading to the hospital. She ended up shopping the rest of the morning, finishing her trip with a cup of coffee and a beautiful chocolate cake slice, compliments of the last shop. She was jubilant.

Then she remembered her husband. Feeling guilty , she dashed to the hospital.


She saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about her husband's condition. The lady doctor glared at her and shouted, 'You went ahead and finished your shopping trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out for the past four hours enjoying yourself in town, your husband has been languishing in the Intensive Care Unit! It's just as well you went ahead and finished, because it will more than likely be the last shopping trip you ever take! For the rest of his life he will require round-the-clock care. And he will now be your career!'


The woman was feeling so guilty she broke down and sobbed.


The lady doctor then chuckled and said, 'I'm just pulling your leg. He's dead.. Show me what you bought.'

 

[Scoosh]

 

[Arch]

I hadn't, but thanks, I have now...

Despite that, you may have a beer.

<places glass under barrel tap>

Um, you don't mind a bit of a head on it do you? It's a bit lively, I only rolled the barrel in half an hour ago. Here's a spoon for the froth.

I'll be popping out now to ring my Mum and then cook supper, so when anyone arrives, can you do the honours? The cocktail umbrellas are in the kitchen drawer...

 

[dan_bo]

Do you mind if I just stick my head 'round the door and leave you with best wishes and half a bottle of Ouzo?

 

[longers]

I'll do the same but you can have this Bells instead of Ouzo after I've siphoned a bit of it into a glass.

I might pop in later and cadge another half glass full if it's still knocking around then.

 

[accountantpete]

A party eh Sorry I forgot to bring a bottle but I did remember the corkscrew - where's the kitchen?

 

[dan_bo]

I'll be back after chucking out time to show you all my breakdancing prowess.

 

[rich p]

I'll be back after chucking out time to show you all my breakdancing prowess.

After the curry I'll show you my breakwinding prowess.

 

[hackbike 666]

hello

 

[ianrauk]

Knocks on door... can I come in? I have freshly made Cinnamon Biscuits and enough fruit, spices and wine to make a nice gallon or so of mulled wine...

 

[dan_bo]

AND NO WRECKING THE BATHROOM!

 

[wafflycat]

I've brought, with me, a fire lantern! A golf ball! And Vernon!

You brought my husband? I say!

 

[Renard]

I am going to plant myself down in the corner and watch what unfolds. Thanks

 

[HelenD123]

Sex on the Beach please. I take it we have the ingredients in the cocktail cabinet?