The point is that it is just that - a supposition. There isn't anything unusual about a woman in a sexually unfulfilling marriage wanting an affair. Or indeed a woman in a happy marriage. I find it difficult to believe that you know only women with one narrow view or set of experiences, so I think it more likely that you are projecting a particular viewpoint onto women as a category.
asking someone out - question
- Thread starter al78
- Start date
Page may contain affiliate links. Please see terms for details.
The point is that it is just that - a supposition. There isn't anything unusual about a woman in a sexually unfulfilling marriage wanting an affair. Or indeed a woman in a happy marriage. I find it difficult to believe that you know only women with one narrow view or set of experiences, so I think it more likely that you are projecting a particular viewpoint onto women as a category.
Like God?
Classic cognitive dissonance, Linfster. Confronted with something that challenges your beliefs, you squash the something into a box that fits the beliefs, rather than modifying the beliefs to accommodate the reality of the something.
Primal Scream
Get your rocks off
- Location
- On the road to hell
Fair enough, let me put this back to you. Do you think the majority of women are either in favour of affairs or at least indifferent to them.
I think I am right but I always have an open mind at least I do apart from my opinions of the tories where my hate dial goes all the way up to 11.
I think I am right but I always have an open mind at least I do apart from my opinions of the tories where my hate dial goes all the way up to 11.
Linford
Guest
It is probably because you are so forthright that it just feels like you have been around since the dawn of time (or some very distant memories
)
Been very busy today, this is the first chance I've had to look at this thread since I posted it and I'm impressed to be on page four already. To clarify a few things:
I have known this woman for a while now, over a year and have interacted with her many times during this period. Initially I just noticed her as being pretty, but an attraction gradually developed over time as I interacted with her. It is not being rejected that I am afraid of, it is the fear of her feeling uncomfortable in my presence afterward if she turns me down, as though I'm some sort of sexual predator. In the extreme case it might result in me being rejected by the organization itself, which, given it is a significant part of my social life, would be unpleasant. Hence I am trying to establish whether this is a realistic possibility or if it is me being irrational.
My interactions with her up to this point have been formal/friendly, no flirting or anything like that. There is no evidence that she sees anything in me, but then again I could say that about every woman I've met in the past. The last one I asked out didn't display any signs of romantic interest in me, but she did initially say yes, then changed her mind, saying she was recently out of a relationship and wasn't looking for another yet.
I'm getting to the point where I feel I should just go for it and deal with any consequences later.
I have known this woman for a while now, over a year and have interacted with her many times during this period. Initially I just noticed her as being pretty, but an attraction gradually developed over time as I interacted with her. It is not being rejected that I am afraid of, it is the fear of her feeling uncomfortable in my presence afterward if she turns me down, as though I'm some sort of sexual predator. In the extreme case it might result in me being rejected by the organization itself, which, given it is a significant part of my social life, would be unpleasant. Hence I am trying to establish whether this is a realistic possibility or if it is me being irrational.
My interactions with her up to this point have been formal/friendly, no flirting or anything like that. There is no evidence that she sees anything in me, but then again I could say that about every woman I've met in the past. The last one I asked out didn't display any signs of romantic interest in me, but she did initially say yes, then changed her mind, saying she was recently out of a relationship and wasn't looking for another yet.
I'm getting to the point where I feel I should just go for it and deal with any consequences later.
Maz
Guru
How do you know that? Everyone's different.
DCLane
Found in the Yorkshire hills ...
- Location
- Dewsbury, West Yorkshire
Yup!
I think most people are opposed to or in favour of (extramarital) affairs according to how they identify with the protagonists. There are particular cultural reasons that people do or don't do, or approve or disapprove of, certain things, so you'll see patterns repeated, and a lot of those patterns will be gendered, but there is no particular reason for women to feel or think in a single way about "affairs", which are not after all one single thing, but a range of associated behaviours defined according to cultural norms.
Linford
Guest
Do you have any other common interests, or just feel drawn towards her ?
ttcycle
Cycling Excusiast
In relation to the OP- go for it- if you ask her in a sensitive way and do it well then it shouldn't really be an issue. Good luck!
As for women's opinions on affairs- surely it depends on circumstances, the people involved in the relationship; the structure of the relationship and the state it's in-thinking in absolutes helps no-one and believing you know how a cross section of 50% of the population think is a tad presumptious?
As for women's opinions on affairs- surely it depends on circumstances, the people involved in the relationship; the structure of the relationship and the state it's in-thinking in absolutes helps no-one and believing you know how a cross section of 50% of the population think is a tad presumptious?
Primal Scream
Get your rocks off
- Location
- On the road to hell
I am not claiming that ALL WOMEN feel or think in a similiar way just that most , ie a majority would have negative views of extra marital affairs
Maz
Guru
I say go for it! Sometimes when you think about things for too long, you get even more anxious and end up stewing in your own juices. Make sure you ask her in a sincere and sensitive way, though. She may well reciprocate. Good luck!
She rides a bike, and enjoys gardening. I think she enjoys walking/hiking as well.
Similar threads
