asking someone out - question

[Pat "5mph"]

^^^^^^^

Nihal, get off this thread, you have to be 16 to read all this

 

[Pat "5mph"]

No but on the subject of affairs the vast majority do. Try reading a womens forum it is quite enlightening.

What's a women's forum? The embroidery section?
On this I too can assure you that you are wrong! Not my scene, but lots of women go for married men, for various reasons.
After all, are men having affairs with themselves? it takes two to tango!

 

[Yellow Fang]

Been very busy today, this is the first chance I've had to look at this thread since I posted it and I'm impressed to be on page four already. To clarify a few things:

I have known this woman for a while now, over a year and have interacted with her many times during this period. Initially I just noticed her as being pretty, but an attraction gradually developed over time as I interacted with her. It is not being rejected that I am afraid of, it is the fear of her feeling uncomfortable in my presence afterward if she turns me down, as though I'm some sort of sexual predator. In the extreme case it might result in me being rejected by the organization itself, which, given it is a significant part of my social life, would be unpleasant. Hence I am trying to establish whether this is a realistic possibility or if it is me being irrational.

My interactions with her up to this point have been formal/friendly, no flirting or anything like that. There is no evidence that she sees anything in me, but then again I could say that about every woman I've met in the past. The last one I asked out didn't display any signs of romantic interest in me, but she did initially say yes, then changed her mind, saying she was recently out of a relationship and wasn't looking for another yet.

I'm getting to the point where I feel I should just go for it and deal with any consequences later.

You don't make it sound very hopeful, but if you're not afraid of being rejected then ask her. I wouldn't worry about being rejected by the club - that's never going to happen. If you can't ask a woman out at a social club then where can you? It's not as if she's going to be at that club forever anyway.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

She rides a bike, and enjoys gardening. I think she enjoys walking/hiking as well.

Well, here's an idea: on the wave of all things bike now being "in", casually ask if she would come along to a bike shop to help you make up your mind on a new bike/tyres/whatever.
You will have to exchange numbers, so that's a start. After you go for coffee. Depending on how it all developed, a few days later you text her for something trivial, another few days later you propose something else, or maybe by that time she will want to take you to a garden centre
Whatever you do, do not propose a bike ride: unless she is a really good cyclist, and she knows it, she will decline for fear of not being able to keep up.
Good luck!

 

[Primal Scream]

What's a women's forum? The embroidery section?
On this I too can assure you that you are wrong! Not my scene, but lots of women go for married men, for various reasons.
After all, are men having affairs with themselves? it takes two to tango!

Pat, would you accept that model railway forums would be a majority male site and the likes of mumsnet a majority female site?

I willingly accep women have affairs, my whole supposition is that a majority of women dont approve of them, not all or there would bo no extra marital nooky.

I cannot prove my theory then again I cannot prove that those who claim that 9-11 was a government/CIA/Israeli action or those who claim the moon landings were fake are not right but I am damm sure they are wrong.

 

[Primal Scream]

I will conduct an unscientific survey and ask the opinion of my secretary and other office staff both male and female their opinions

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Pat, would you accept that model railway forums would be a majority male site and the likes of mumsnet a majority female site?

I willingly accep women have affairs, my whole supposition is that a majority of women dont approve of them, not all or there would bo no extra marital nooky.

I cannot prove my theory then again I cannot prove that those who claim that 9-11 was a government/CIA/Israeli action or those who claim the moon landings were fake are not right but I am damm sure they are wrong.

Yes, I was only kidding about the forums, even though if Shaun decides to add a DIY forum to his collection I would be game!
Be aware, about the affairs, that there is a large (do not have statistics) group of women nowadays that are independent financially, maybe a bit disappointed with previous relationships, that still like to have sex (shut your eyes, Nihal!) but do not like the complications of an exclusive relationship.
Again, it's not my cuppa, I see it a lot around me though. And not only in recent years.

 

[Primal Scream]

Not my cup of tea either but not from a moral standpoint if I am honest but just a fear of getting caught. I suspect in the right circumstances I would succumb.

 

[Pat "5mph"]

[QUOTE 2035629, member: 1314"]Well, it wasn't meant to be a serious posting (sorry to interrupt your romancing al78) but in hindsight guess it had to be.

The story isn't about absolutes of gender. It's about the jigsaw elemental complexities (class, parents, education, gender, race, nationality, place, space, time etc) that make up people connecting and disconnecting.

Anyway, I have it on good authority that there is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro, so that is my new passion from now on in.[/quote]

Well, exciting stranger proposing you, ok, you're a man, it's flattering, why shouldn't you if you're single (or not, whatever) but that bit about not having had Asian boyfriends? What did she think, you were a sort of collector's item??
As a foreign national in the UK myself, I sincerely hope you told her to take a hike!

 

[Pat "5mph"]

Not my cup of tea either but not from a moral standpoint if I am honest but just a fear of getting caught. I suspect in the right circumstances I would succumb.

He he, I suspect we all would!

 

[Primal Scream]

Honesty abounds. Most people and certainly most men would get off on the ego trip.

 

[Red Light]

Well, here's an idea: on the wave of all things bike now being "in", casually ask if she would come along to a bike shop to help you make up your mind on a new bike/tyres/whatever.
You will have to exchange numbers, so that's a start. After you go for coffee. Depending on how it all developed, a few days later you text her for something trivial, another few days later you propose something else, or maybe by that time she will want to take you to a garden centre
Whatever you do, do not propose a bike ride: unless she is a really good cyclist, and she knows it, she will decline for fear of not being able to keep up.
Good luck!

That'll just leave her asking "Why's he asking me all these questions suddenly? If he wants to go out with me why doesn't he just ask?"

 

[Red Light]

After all, are men having affairs with themselves? it takes two to tango!

Ah but it could just be one very busy woman tangoing with lots of men

 

[Red Light]

Been very busy today, this is the first chance I've had to look at this thread since I posted it and I'm impressed to be on page four already. To clarify a few things:

I have known this woman for a while now, over a year and have interacted with her many times during this period. Initially I just noticed her as being pretty, but an attraction gradually developed over time as I interacted with her. It is not being rejected that I am afraid of, it is the fear of her feeling uncomfortable in my presence afterward if she turns me down, as though I'm some sort of sexual predator. In the extreme case it might result in me being rejected by the organization itself, which, given it is a significant part of my social life, would be unpleasant. Hence I am trying to establish whether this is a realistic possibility or if it is me being irrational.

My interactions with her up to this point have been formal/friendly, no flirting or anything like that. There is no evidence that she sees anything in me, but then again I could say that about every woman I've met in the past. The last one I asked out didn't display any signs of romantic interest in me, but she did initially say yes, then changed her mind, saying she was recently out of a relationship and wasn't looking for another yet.

I'm getting to the point where I feel I should just go for it and deal with any consequences later.

What's the standard agony column advice for lonely people looking for a relationship? Join a club or society. They're hardly going to throw you out for asking someone out. And whether she accepts or not its always flattering to be asked. Unless you are a really creepy stalker type or twice her age

 

[threebikesmcginty]

He he, I suspect we all would!

I wouldn't!