At My Lowest Ever

[cosmicbike]

I need an outlet, and I'm getting fed up with putting on my wife and friends, so here will do.

I'm depressed, I've never felt so low. I've been on the receiving end of a most unpleasant muscle wasting condition which has bitten me 5 times in the past 2 years, putting me in pain that I never thought existed, and mentally destroying me with horrible withdrawal symptoms from the essential pain relief. I've been paranoid that when my family go out in the morning I'll never see them again. I have to follow to school and make sure they're safe. I can't sleep, I've got the constant jitters and I'm sick of learning to walk all over again.
I've tried really hard to get back to work (who have been really good), but recent attempts saw me leaving in pain every day and exhausted, and last week I broke down at work which was not nice. Now I'm on anti-depressants which have some unpleasant side effects and I find myself curled up on the sofa crying like a baby. Can't even give the kids a cuddle without welling up, and finding it hard to even hold a conversation.
I keep trying to put things into perspective but finding it all a bit much at the moment.

Anybody been through depression have any pointers?

 

[Markymark]

Which health care professionals have you shared this with?

 

[Scoosh]

No pointers but very very glad you came to ask your CC Family for help.

I've read your health-related posts and have been amazed at how you have managed to keep going in the face of such extreme adversity.

You've come so far. As @0-markymark-0 has said ... and it's not admitting defeat to go for help.

Meanwhile .

 

[ianrauk]

Can't really offer any advice mate. But all the best.
Have a man-hug from me.

 

[w00hoo_kent]

As said. If you don't have professional help with the depression already, get some and tell them exactly how you are doing. Don't hold anything back because they need to know to be able to help you.

Anti-depressants can work, but they don't always work and sometimes the side effects are worse than the benefits. The way to do it is to try a few. You might need three of four before you get one that is actually helping your mood and not leaving you so poor physically that the mood lift isn't worth it. Again, get in touch with the doctor that prescribed these, tell them what is happening as a side effect of taking them, ask to be put on something else. They will want to give the medication a bit of time to work but once that has passed, if it isn't working, it's often not worth having. Try the next one, hopefully you'll find the right one quickly.

There are no magic wands here. What you are looking for is to be happy enough to cope and build from there (in fact, not even that, not being sad. That is very different from not being happy, they aren't a binary state.). At the end of the day it'll be you doing most of the rebuilding, but people are out there to help you along the way. Considering the reasons for your depression are easily identifiable, I'd also suggest finding a support group that deals with your condition and where you can talk to other people who have dealt with it. I'd imagine the feeling of hopelessness that the recurrence of the illness causes is a major factor and at the moment it just looks like it'll never get better. Talking to people who have been where you are now will help. Plus it'll help assuage the inevitable guilt you get from laying it on your family. Also, thinking about what you describe, there's a reasonable chance that other medication you are taking is contributing to some of the vulnerabilities you are feeling. Again, if you talk to people who have been through it, you might find similarities and understanding why something is happening is a great stride towards dealing with it.

It's almost always worth making sure your wife knows what is happening, again really what is happening, only you know how she may deal with this, and it might end up being more for her benefit than yours if she isn't someone who copes well (my wife is a fixer, so doesn't deal with anything that lasts for more than around 3 days very well) but at the very least being able to understand the situation between you will help. Sometimes you just need to lie in a dark room and cry until you fall asleep, not having someone checking on you every 5 minutes is a bonus there.

It sounds like the condition is being dealt with, it's just slow. You've only got so much capacity to deal with it all and it's got to you. Getting support, and information will give you a better platform to get back to fighting it from.

I hope something in that lot has helped in some way.

 

[jnrmczip]

Also find groups with other people with the same problems as yourself I'm sure their experiance would be helpful to hear and I'm sure they would me more than glad to talk about things. Only advice I can give is talk talk talk don't bottle anything up as it will get worse p's your family love you and they will support you try not drive a wedge by thinking they won't make sure you speak to them about not only how you feel but how they do also.

 

[Hacienda71]

Dependent on the antidepressants they may take upto 2 weeks to have the desired effect or may not suit you at all so keep talking to your doctor.
Also when I was on SSRI's in the form of Prozac, I used them as a crutch not a solution. You need to try to deal with the underlying cause as well as the symptoms.

 

[Slioch]

Have a man hug from me too mate. Sounds like you've really been through the mill backwards!

I think you'll find there's a lot of people on here who will be able to offer you sound advice.

 

[I like Skol]

Not a lot I can add other than don't give up believing that tomorrow can be better, and take things one day at a time. Easy for me to say with good health and active life I know but I really think staying positive is a big help in most situations.
I will also second taking time to discuss your problems with the doctors in detail, there are always different approaches and alternatives in medical care. One size doesn't fit all. Don't be afraid to question the treatments, take some responsibility for your care where you can as only you know best how the treatments are affecting you.

 

[Rooster1]

Hi Cosmic, does your condition improve and then deteriorate again? Interested to know what the road ahead holds for you, if you don't mind sharing.

Personally, any minor signs of depression I might have, pale into insignificance compared to your situation. I do feel for you.

You have every reason to be down, down to the lowest level possible. Your family are probably giving you a wide birth, which in turn is making you paranoid.

I can only suggest you try and pull yourself out of the situation, and try and be yourself around others - this in turn will i'm sure pick you up.

I hope you can turn things around.

 

[shouldbeinbed]

Sorry to hear all of that, it sounds a dreadful condition to be in.

W00hoo's is such a good post it is worth quoting again in full.

Your brain is as ill as your body, it needs treatment to make it right again too, anti-deps can work well to take the emotional peaks and troughs down to levels that you can manage and not be overwhelmed by, psychological counselling complements this helping you get the mass of knots and interwoven emotions straightened out in your head and manageable again.

Its a fast fall into depression and a slow climb back out of it.

Your loved ones will be worried sick about you and either trying to help but you're not in a place to hear them or at a loss as to how to reach you. Be as open and honest as you can with them too, help them help you.

As said. If you don't have professional help with the depression already, get some and tell them exactly how you are doing. Don't hold anything back because they need to know to be able to help you.

Anti-depressants can work, but they don't always work and sometimes the side effects are worse than the benefits. The way to do it is to try a few. You might need three of four before you get one that is actually helping your mood and not leaving you so poor physically that the mood lift isn't worth it. Again, get in touch with the doctor that prescribed these, tell them what is happening as a side effect of taking them, ask to be put on something else. They will want to give the medication a bit of time to work but once that has passed, if it isn't working, it's often not worth having. Try the next one, hopefully you'll find the right one quickly.

There are no magic wands here. What you are looking for is to be happy enough to cope and build from there (in fact, not even that, not being sad. That is very different from not being happy, they aren't a binary state.). At the end of the day it'll be you doing most of the rebuilding, but people are out there to help you along the way. Considering the reasons for your depression are easily identifiable, I'd also suggest finding a support group that deals with your condition and where you can talk to other people who have dealt with it. I'd imagine the feeling of hopelessness that the recurrence of the illness causes is a major factor and at the moment it just looks like it'll never get better. Talking to people who have been where you are now will help. Plus it'll help assuage the inevitable guilt you get from laying it on your family. Also, thinking about what you describe, there's a reasonable chance that other medication you are taking is contributing to some of the vulnerabilities you are feeling. Again, if you talk to people who have been through it, you might find similarities and understanding why something is happening is a great stride towards dealing with it.

It's almost always worth making sure your wife knows what is happening, again really what is happening, only you know how she may deal with this, and it might end up being more for her benefit than yours if she isn't someone who copes well (my wife is a fixer, so doesn't deal with anything that lasts for more than around 3 days very well) but at the very least being able to understand the situation between you will help. Sometimes you just need to lie in a dark room and cry until you fall asleep, not having someone checking on you every 5 minutes is a bonus there.

It sounds like the condition is being dealt with, it's just slow. You've only got so much capacity to deal with it all and it's got to you. Getting support, and information will give you a better platform to get back to fighting it from.

I hope something in that lot has helped in some way.

 

[dan_bo]

Refer to sig dude. All the best.

 

[surfdude]

this muscle wasting condition , its not just eating too much and exercising to little is it .

sorry to hear this dude , get well soon .

the wife is going through a very low patch at the moment and as long as you have got good support from your family you may not know it now but things will get better .

your wife and friends will just be glad they are their for at this time and i am sure they are happy to be their for you when you need them most.

 

[Drago]

Sorry to hear that bud. A few of us on here are battling ill health reCently, but the team certainly pull together to support us.

Cheer up. When I'm feeling at a low ebb I log on here and read Users latest scribblings, and before I know it I'm crying with laughter!

 

[welsh dragon]

Sorry to hear your not well. As everyone else has said, the CC patrons are always here to help and listen. Take care.