I can't figure out what is more strange: that there aren't more topics about this, or that it hasn't happened to me more often (during 1 summer I managed 64 imperial centuries, solo - in a route that spanned 2 countries, 2 currencies, and 2 languages which I spoke 0 of and finished every one without aid.)
All the more chilling is that on a random ride in my home country, I broke down with a flat - replacement had a pinhole leak so I patched that, then discovered another pinhole leak, patched that, then discovered another pinhole leak, patched that, then there must have been another leak because the patches held but I ran out of CO2. (before you go into tech talk, I believe it's a complicated issue involving a deep clincher, alu rim, long valve stem, rim that needs 10 minutes of "massaging" to seat the tire correctly, and the fact that I only had 2 CO2 cartridges. It's my backup bike/turbo trainer bike, but my trainer software crashed so I took it outside. Should have taken the 2 hours to get my primary bike with tubulars back in-line but I didn't have that time. It was very, very hot. I was dripping sweat and the misquotes were happy to see some blood in this rural area and took advantage of the situation, adding an aura of insanity and self-aggrigative-battery to an already difficult issue.
BUT I had a cell phone! Ahhh... technology. And, strangely enough, I even had a signal! And 80 minutes of talk time to my credit! With fiat money that fits the local currency! In a land where I can speak the native language! In my home country! This is. Pffft. So easy.
I called information (if this wasn't my home country I probably won't have known that number) who relayed me to a Taxi service. They were very rude and refused to pick me up because I only had $23 USD in my pocket even though my destination was my home address where I could pay in full once there. Called another taxi, same response. Strangely, my 80 minutes of talk-time spawned a "Your Balance is now $2.00" warning." Hmmmm, so much for the $0.10/minute plan... I knew I didn't have time for angry taxi dispatch owners, so I called the local Police (these are small towns and generally do help people in need and only get a few calls per day) and asked if they could recommend a taxi service that would be comfortable getting cash on delivery..... but my phone credit was low. She was very helpful and said she would try several and call back. Still no luck. I noticed I only had $0.20 at this point. If she called back, that would be it.... the bugs continued to bite... But I had credit for 1 text message. So I messaged my wife who was getting off work (15 miles away) in 20 minutes to say I cannot make it to the meeting we had scheduled and I can't pick up our 1 year old from daycare. "At least someone who cares,.... knows," I thought.
Then I tried to recharge my phone without a form of payment (I had never done that before) and it worked! I called my wife, she had not read my SMS text message yet. She was not impressed and didn't say much but I told her what the SMS said and that I'm trying to get a taxi, she said "mm, ok then" and hung up. I remember thinking, "did my wife just hang up on me?" But that thought was soon disturbed by a swarm of misquotes that wanted to see me slap myself and do a Hoola dance, just for giggles.
Thankfully armed with new phone credit, I called back the police department who was very sorry but they hadn't found a Taxi that would accept a stranded cyclist - even the one directly across the street from them. They all think a person without money in hand will not pay. Then while speaking with the police dispatcher, I had the realization to tell the taxi service to keep my $8K bike in the car as collateral until I get them their payment at the destination... The police dispatcher said that it shouldn't matter because if a passenger doesn't pay the Taxi service can simply file it with the local police (her) and they would take action to get their money. She was sorry and that she gets off work at 4pm (10 minutes from that time).... then a bit of silence... "I almost just want to drive over there an pick you up myself" she said. Now with phone credit, I decided to try again with my new tactic with my bike as collateral rather than disrupt another family's routine. I called the same taxi guy. He was even more unpleasant than before. He sighed, and reluctantly said that in 30 minutes a taxi will be out that way (I was 3 miles from the town and his location). 50 minutes later and 2.5 hours after my initial flat tire, a taxi arrived. The back hatch didn't work/unlock so I removed both wheels and placed it in the backseat with the drivetrain not touching any of the interior. 2 minutes later at the first intersection, the car's transmission made a horrible sound and there was no more power. The taxi driver fiddled with the AUTOMATIC transmission and it eventually lurched into slow motion - awkwardly navigating the intersection of 4 lanes of traffic while I grimaced that no vehicle traveling above 30mph would rear-end us. 3 miles of the route required us to get onto the highway. The taxi shook so hard that I thought my break-down story for the day was only just beginning.
The driver admitted that he had a choice between 2 vehicles that day. He could choose between a vehicle he used the previous day which broke down... or this beauty we were sitting in which was fresh from the mechanic with "a new engine". He thought it was the best choice - as the car struggled down the highway, very obviously drafting a large lorry (18-wheeled truck). For some reason, I nodded my head, saying it was the right move. After all, we are moving!
400 meters from my home I noticed smoke (or vapor) coming from the hood but tried not to mention it. We arrived and the driver, who was a great guy in our conversations, said I could remove my bike before I ran into the house to fetch the remaining $22 USD, but I was true to my word to the person I spoke with on the phone, who I believed to be the manager/owner of this great enterprise.
"And hey, if you break down on the way back and your boss won't pick you up because you don't have the cash in advance, give me a call", pointing to my car in the garage.
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