Billy Bulls**t

[Mr Pig]

my brother said that his mate Stuart was coming round with three girls for a fivesome that afternoon after school.

I knew people who did that sort of thing during school hours, bunking/dogging off to go to one of their houses. It's probably more common than you think. I was asked once or twice but was not into the idea.

Funny to think about how their parents would have had no idea what their sweet little children were up to!

 

[Scoosh]

When I had left school, my younger brother (then 15) said that his mate Stuart was coming round with three girls for a fivesome that afternoon after school. Naturally I treated it with the derision it deserves. When I returned home from college he was in my Mum & Dad's bed with three girls and his mate. He assures me he didn't swing the other way.

Great blackmail material eh?

Only when you give us the names .....

 

[ChrisKH]

I knew people who did that sort of thing during school hours, bunking/dogging off to go to one of their houses. It's probably more common than you think. I was asked once or twice but was not into the idea.

Funny to think about how their parents would have had no idea what their sweet little children were up to!

Indeed. Both my bros. were a bit wild ( I could tell stories, but they could end marriages) but I recall one of my brothers dishing the dirt on the other at a family gathering and this story, in particular, came up. My Mum saw the funny side.

Eventually.

 

[ChrisKH]

Only when you give us the names .....

Well one of the girls was called Lisa, lived down Grafton Road and went on to become an international high-class prostitute.................

 

[goo_mason]

they don't break down, they fail to advance

Is that the famous Rolls Canarly ?

Rolls down hills but canarly get back up them again ?

 

[dellzeqq]

A few years ago I used to drive for a well known Sportswear company. Because of the distance involved and that it was night work we would go out ''double manned'' I was out with the same driver for 3 months. He was a nice enough chap who worked hard, done his fair share of driving and was easy to get on with but some of his stories were a far fectched to say the least. He had done the following in his lifetime:

Was a boy soldier who joined the Australian SAS. (He was Australian)
Flew helicopters in Vietnam under the SOE
Had four degrees
Held numerous Kayaking records
Was a top swimming coach who had met the Australian Prime Minister numerous times.
Had his phone stolen by some ''Hungarians'' he happened to know some other ''Hungarians'' who would make sure that said thieves got what was coming to them.

that is the most bizarre of the lot. If I had to make up some kind of story about myself......kayaking wouldn't be top of the list. You don't get laid because you've got a big kayak.


Do you?

 

[dellzeqq]

Funny to think about how their parents would have had no idea what their sweet little children were up to!

Can we leave the teenage girl stories now, please?

 

[Noodley]

Can we leave the teenage girl stories now, please?

Oh dear I can see a bit of questioning coming up...

 

[Wigsie]

Ha ha Mr Pig I think you have just made every parent of teenage (or soon to be teenage) girls overly paranoid! Thank god I have 2 boys!

I remember after Uni I dated a lap dancer for a while and all my mates though I was telling porky pies, untill they came to Bournemouth for a stag weekend and we were met in a bar on the saturday afternoon with around 10 dancers warming up before work. I was a legend for a few months, then she dumped me we mutually seperated.

My wife's step father is the worst for insane stories though, he grew up in Northern Rhodesia and met my mother in law in South Africa and they married when he was 19! before he turned 18 (when they met) he had:

Been a pimp
Been a diamond smuggler
Killed a man in a bar fight
Had to carry a yellow card around because he was so dangerous with various martial arts
Slept with around 20 strippers when he was 14 (this was response to my wife teasing me for dating a dancer)

Honestly the bowlacks that comes out of his mouth is a joke, it really is... sometimes I laugh it off or just ignore him, but sometimes I will ask him to give more detail and watch him get nervous.

 

[GrahamG]

It's the know-it-alls that bother me more.... always some bloke in their 50's or 60's who knows everything about everything despite being thick as a post.

My last experience with one of these was returning a faulty car battery for exchange, sorted the receipt and new battery with a young lad at the till (he was great, very helpful) then this older bloke who was re-stocking shelves decides to poke his nose in when I'm fitting it...

"do you need a spanner?" - I said yes, a 10mm
"no, that'll be 8mm"..... 10mm required
"it's not the battery, I'm telling you now, pointless exchanging it, it'll be the alternator"... I just grit my teeth knowing he hasn't got a clue - I've had the problem before and I was right.

Every man on here had an ex-girlfriend with a dad like this - usually thick as pig shoot but automatically assumes age = intelligence.

 

[Maz]

70mph on a BMX?

He probably meant to say 'in a BMW'.

 

[MichaelM]

that is the most bizarre of the lot. If I had to make up some kind of story about myself......kayaking wouldn't be top of the list. You don't get laid because you've got a big kayak.


Do you?

Oh I don't know, when I paddled Palouse Falls...

 

[Night Train]

I was doing support work with a 17 year old lad who gave me his career history. Apparently he has had more jobs, ran more businesses and owned more businesses then I have in my quarter century in work.
He also claimed to have been CE of an in car entertainment company that installed the worlds most powerful car stereos in luxury cars all based from a market stall in Bury and that he got shafted by his business partner and lost hundreds of thousands of pounds worth of personal investments and nearly went bankrupt.

 

[gbb]

Yup, everywhere's got one.
We had a guy in his 40s who'd done this, done that...been here, been there...worked at blah blah as a blah blah for umpteen years...worked there, worked here, etc etc etc.
One of the guys at the table looked at him and said....'by what you've just told us...you must be in your 80s'

You'd like to think it'd shut them up....but no. They just can't help it

 

[ChrisKH]

Can we leave the teenage girl stories now, please?

Don't tell me. You've got daughters.