Oh dear, you poor bastard.
True Indurain story: couple of years ago the Tour Downunder organisers paid for the Great Man and his family to come to Australia and be guest of honour at the race. He apparently bargained airfares and a months holiday, etc, a week on Kangaroo Island... in return he had to wave at the cameras and be interviewed by Phil Liggett at the official dinner (translation by Neil Stephens). As it happened, Indurain had been in the country for 2 months, and when Liggett asked him to say a few words in English to his fans he mustered his resources and let forth with all the English he'd learned in that time.
"Hallo".