Low Roller
Well-Known Member
- Location
- East Yorkshire
Don’t read this if (a) you are of a fastidious or squeamish disposition or (b) you don’t go camping in a tent (c) you are the owner of a campsite. Also do not try this at home , nor in a bivvi bag or tent with a low ceiling.
My capacity for ale is vastly in excess of my bladder capacity. Normally this isn’t a problem. In a small tent , though, it becomes a big problem. To get out at night involves unzipping your sleeping bag ( one third of the campsite wakes up) ; fumbling for clothes, footwear and torch; unzipping the inner tent ( two thirds of the campsite awake); then unzipping the outer flysheet ( the whole campsite awake). You then need to stagger to the loo fighting off squadrons of mosquitoes and kamikaze moths. Repeat as necessary.
Over the years I have developed a new system which doesn’t involve drinking less ale. I save my 1.5 or 2 litre spring water bottles and cut off the conical bit at the top. Problem solved, you might think. Beware though because there are hazards. Firstly the sharp edges of the bottle are a real issue. I don’t need to spell this out. Secondly, spillage is a major concern. Got the wet tee shirt for this on more than one occasion. Condensation always occurs on the flysheet. Finally, if it needs emptying in the middle of the night there is the delicate operation of lifting up the flysheet skirt and pouring it outside. In the morning discrete disposal can be an issue and you also need to be careful where you pack up your tent.
For those of the fairer sex it is obviously going to be a little more difficult, but I have some ideas for you. I saw in the Go Adventure shop a indescribably intimate and anatomically designed funnel with a little spout. Be careful which way round you use it. It occurred to me that it would be perfectly feasible to fit a long plastic pipe to the end of this funnel and peg the other end down outside. Problem solved: fully fitted tent toilet. I have had some reservations though about the diameter of the suggested pipe. Not being an expert in flow rates, I think you might need to ensure that it is of sufficient diameter to avoid backfiring.
I was also thinking that it would be a good idea if manufacturers made a corresponding item for the male anatomy, in various sizes. I would be the first to buy one but, as I am sure you will have already gathered, mine would need to be XXXL…………..
My capacity for ale is vastly in excess of my bladder capacity. Normally this isn’t a problem. In a small tent , though, it becomes a big problem. To get out at night involves unzipping your sleeping bag ( one third of the campsite wakes up) ; fumbling for clothes, footwear and torch; unzipping the inner tent ( two thirds of the campsite awake); then unzipping the outer flysheet ( the whole campsite awake). You then need to stagger to the loo fighting off squadrons of mosquitoes and kamikaze moths. Repeat as necessary.
Over the years I have developed a new system which doesn’t involve drinking less ale. I save my 1.5 or 2 litre spring water bottles and cut off the conical bit at the top. Problem solved, you might think. Beware though because there are hazards. Firstly the sharp edges of the bottle are a real issue. I don’t need to spell this out. Secondly, spillage is a major concern. Got the wet tee shirt for this on more than one occasion. Condensation always occurs on the flysheet. Finally, if it needs emptying in the middle of the night there is the delicate operation of lifting up the flysheet skirt and pouring it outside. In the morning discrete disposal can be an issue and you also need to be careful where you pack up your tent.
For those of the fairer sex it is obviously going to be a little more difficult, but I have some ideas for you. I saw in the Go Adventure shop a indescribably intimate and anatomically designed funnel with a little spout. Be careful which way round you use it. It occurred to me that it would be perfectly feasible to fit a long plastic pipe to the end of this funnel and peg the other end down outside. Problem solved: fully fitted tent toilet. I have had some reservations though about the diameter of the suggested pipe. Not being an expert in flow rates, I think you might need to ensure that it is of sufficient diameter to avoid backfiring.
I was also thinking that it would be a good idea if manufacturers made a corresponding item for the male anatomy, in various sizes. I would be the first to buy one but, as I am sure you will have already gathered, mine would need to be XXXL…………..
behind a tree. 
