Campsites - Keep away from the green patches of grass

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Low Roller

Well-Known Member
Location
East Yorkshire
Don’t read this if (a) you are of a fastidious or squeamish disposition or (b) you don’t go camping in a tent (c) you are the owner of a campsite. Also do not try this at home , nor in a bivvi bag or tent with a low ceiling.

My capacity for ale is vastly in excess of my bladder capacity. Normally this isn’t a problem. In a small tent , though, it becomes a big problem. To get out at night involves unzipping your sleeping bag ( one third of the campsite wakes up) ; fumbling for clothes, footwear and torch; unzipping the inner tent ( two thirds of the campsite awake); then unzipping the outer flysheet ( the whole campsite awake). You then need to stagger to the loo fighting off squadrons of mosquitoes and kamikaze moths. Repeat as necessary.

Over the years I have developed a new system which doesn’t involve drinking less ale. I save my 1.5 or 2 litre spring water bottles and cut off the conical bit at the top. Problem solved, you might think. Beware though because there are hazards. Firstly the sharp edges of the bottle are a real issue. I don’t need to spell this out. Secondly, spillage is a major concern. Got the wet tee shirt for this on more than one occasion. Condensation always occurs on the flysheet. Finally, if it needs emptying in the middle of the night there is the delicate operation of lifting up the flysheet skirt and pouring it outside. In the morning discrete disposal can be an issue and you also need to be careful where you pack up your tent.

For those of the fairer sex it is obviously going to be a little more difficult, but I have some ideas for you. I saw in the Go Adventure shop a indescribably intimate and anatomically designed funnel with a little spout. Be careful which way round you use it. It occurred to me that it would be perfectly feasible to fit a long plastic pipe to the end of this funnel and peg the other end down outside. Problem solved: fully fitted tent toilet. I have had some reservations though about the diameter of the suggested pipe. Not being an expert in flow rates, I think you might need to ensure that it is of sufficient diameter to avoid backfiring.

I was also thinking that it would be a good idea if manufacturers made a corresponding item for the male anatomy, in various sizes. I would be the first to buy one but, as I am sure you will have already gathered, mine would need to be XXXL…………..
 

bigjim

Legendary Member
Location
Manchester. UK
Just use your water bottle. Give it a good rinse out in the morning. It's only wee. Won't do you any harm.
 

Ganymede

Veteran
Location
Rural Kent
At Latitude Festival I used a shewee and a plastic bottle. Put the plastic bottle in a bag and took it to the composting lavs to empty. Bought a shewee for my pregnant colleague and she now falls on my neck every time I see her and reiterates her thanks for that day.

I must say I can't be doing with wee disposal within living areas. What are trees and bushes for, for heaven's sake! I was glad it rained in London the other day - the area around Trafalgar Square had become so stinky now that men seem to think it's ok to wee anywhere. No it's not! Especially in fine weather!
 

raleighnut

Legendary Member
Yebbut, in your tent at midnight during a thunderstorm...
If I'm on my own camping these days (well once my legs better, camping's been off the menu this year) I use a Topeak Bikamper, if you google that you'll see there isn't much option to getting up.
 
My Sister in law is "unique"

She bought a Shewee and happily regales everyone with its useag


N one journey she announced that she had brought it with her as we would not then need to stop for comfort breaks

Hardly appropriate when sat between two middle aged men, and asking them to budge over so she could remove her trousers
 

raleighnut

Legendary Member
The memory of M-in-L going behind a tree in Grizedale Forest as a whole orienteering Scout Troup ferreted by will stay with me forever.
As will my memory of Pamela (an ex girlfriend) finding a nettle whilst squatting :eek:behind a tree. :rofl:
Never any dock leaves round when you want em. :whistle:..........................................and I was a gent and offered to rub it better,
 

Ganymede

Veteran
Location
Rural Kent
As will my memory of Pamela (an ex girlfriend) finding a nettle whilst squatting :eek:behind a tree. :rofl:
Never any dock leaves round when you want em. :whistle:..........................................and I was a gent and offered to rub it better,
There is an old country saying, told to me by my rather young green* woodwork teacher: "if you want to get rid of nettles, you get a woman to p*ss on them". He said that when he first heard it he thought it meant there was some natural quality in womens' peee... but no! The second half of the saying is: "... and she'll soon take a stick to 'em!"

*EDIT: I mean he was a rather young teacher of green woodworking.
 
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