Hello lads and lassies, it's been quite a while since I last came back onto this forum, easily over a year. Also yes this is a new account since I lost the password and email to the previous one But in any case, alot has happened to me since my absence from this forum. When I left I was busy getting on with a bunch of life changes, this involved everything from education/course work to employment and alot of social activity. Despite leaving this forum behind I took alot of lessons and experience from it, thanks to all you lovely people. It helped me learn and depend quite alot on my cycling, my time here wasn't long but it was invaluable. I was cycling near constantly on my run-down old carrera zelos, an absolute work horse of a bicycle and it was literally carrying my life since I rarely can afford public transit and I don't have any other vehicle. I also can't / do not rely on others for car pooling or whatever else, I should be clear I am a student. It was taking me to my job interviews, my job, my place of study and every single social aspect that was outside of walking distance. Upon reflection, I do believe I depended on cycling too much. After racking up around 15,000+ miles on my zelos the inevitable happened to me. I had encountered my first RTC. In all those prior miles I had never come close to any kind of crash, some really bad overtakes but the worst I ever did was bump my elbow onto a car whilst filtering at a snails speed. Do you ever get the feeling that the longer you put off something, the more it builds in the background until it just explodes? like i've done so many miles without incident my first one was bound to be something. I'm not sure how much I'm willing to share publicly about the incident, I'm still irrationally fearful and I can't explain why. But in the end the upshot was my Carrera was destroyed and I got off considerably lucky. On my ride a driver, a middle aged woman just about rear-ended me about 25-30mph There is more to why she did since there was another driver involved but i'm skipping all of the details since I don't like coming back to this, maybe I will in time. I have no idea what happened next but in the whole incident everyone was very distraught, I think seeing that mangled piece of metal on the ground next to me that was once a functional bicycle really scared me. It made me wonder what condition I was in along side it. Alot of people came to help and they were so lovely. I didn't suffer any serious injuries, just hairline fractures, heavy bruising but thankfully my helmet took my fall, I definitely received a good whack to my head. It was a long and exhausting process to recovery but a few months later and everything was sorted, the police had done their job and I did receive compensation, I suffered no long lasting injuries and I'm now able to work and function without difficulty. I'm currently trying to return to employment. But I'm cutting to the chase, I just can't do it. I don't want to cycle. It's all said and done and there's nothing stopping me buying another commuting bike and continuing as normal, but I just do not want too. Cycling was something that I depended on every day or every other day for so many reasons, It's benefited me in so many ways, it has saved me thousands in money and it has given me years of life with health, It's made my mornings bearable and made my nights happy when coming home. It's allowed me to meet people who I love and people who I've lost, it gave my life opportunity and structure as a young boy and It's the same now as a young adult. I have never had an alternative with cycling. nothing is comparable. The more effort you put into a bicycle the more freedom it shows you. But spending all this time to reflect on it, whilst recovering from my injuries and not being able to move forward with my life, really just makes me want to call it a day. Trying to get back to cycling since, just makes me paranoid, afraid and distressed. I've lost the care-free attitude I use to enjoy and It's just too exhausting to try and recover from it. I just don't have the energy anymore and I want to move on from depending on cycling for all my needs, if any. but thankfully with alot of the money I have earned, I put it all into lessons and was able to pass my driving test on my second attempt. I'm now looking to buy a car for my commuting instead. Try out something new and just have fun that way. I still own alot of cycling stuff, clothes and my boardman team cx bike that I only used for non-commuting rides, I really did enjoy the sunny days and they're great memories. But I would rather keep them as memories now, I don't want to return to them. I'm hanging up my wheels and going to be selling the rest of my cycling stuff. I can already afford a car, but I just won't use this stuff anymore, and if i ever wanted too i'll just buy another bike down the line. I'll be posting my stuff in the sales & auctions forums in a day or two, i'm not sure when. There's alot of s*** to shift through, a good bunch of it isn't really worth much like my clothes but I figured I would give something back to this forum, I have no use for it. But yeah, it's just been quite a long ride for me. I'm really tired.