Can't do it

Discussion in 'General Cycling Discussions' started by tangoup52, 13 Mar 2019.

  1. tangoup52

    tangoup52 Member

    Hello lads and lassies, it's been quite a while since I last came back onto this forum, easily over a year. Also yes this is a new account since I lost the password and email to the previous one :sad:

    But in any case, alot has happened to me since my absence from this forum. When I left I was busy getting on with a bunch of life changes, this involved everything from education/course work to employment and alot of social activity.

    Despite leaving this forum behind I took alot of lessons and experience from it, thanks to all you lovely people.
    It helped me learn and depend quite alot on my cycling, my time here wasn't long but it was invaluable.

    I was cycling near constantly on my run-down old carrera zelos, an absolute work horse of a bicycle and it was literally carrying my life since I rarely can afford public transit and I don't have any other vehicle. I also can't / do not rely on others for car pooling or whatever else, I should be clear I am a student.

    It was taking me to my job interviews, my job, my place of study and every single social aspect that was outside of walking distance.
    Upon reflection, I do believe I depended on cycling too much.

    After racking up around 15,000+ miles on my zelos the inevitable happened to me. I had encountered my first RTC.

    In all those prior miles I had never come close to any kind of crash, some really bad overtakes but the worst I ever did was bump my elbow onto a car whilst filtering at a snails speed.

    Do you ever get the feeling that the longer you put off something, the more it builds in the background until it just explodes? like i've done so many miles without incident my first one was bound to be something.

    I'm not sure how much I'm willing to share publicly about the incident, I'm still irrationally fearful and I can't explain why. But in the end the upshot was my Carrera was destroyed and I got off considerably lucky.

    On my ride a driver, a middle aged woman just about rear-ended me about 25-30mph There is more to why she did since there was another driver involved but i'm skipping all of the details since I don't like coming back to this, maybe I will in time.

    I have no idea what happened next but in the whole incident everyone was very distraught, I think seeing that mangled piece of metal on the ground next to me that was once a functional bicycle really scared me. It made me wonder what condition I was in along side it.

    Alot of people came to help and they were so lovely. I didn't suffer any serious injuries, just hairline fractures, heavy bruising but thankfully my helmet took my fall, I definitely received a good whack to my head.

    It was a long and exhausting process to recovery but a few months later and everything was sorted, the police had done their job and I did receive compensation, I suffered no long lasting injuries and I'm now able to work and function without difficulty. I'm currently trying to return to employment.

    But I'm cutting to the chase, I just can't do it. I don't want to cycle.

    It's all said and done and there's nothing stopping me buying another commuting bike and continuing as normal, but I just do not want too.

    Cycling was something that I depended on every day or every other day for so many reasons, It's benefited me in so many ways, it has saved me thousands in money and it has given me years of life with health, It's made my mornings bearable and made my nights happy when coming home. It's allowed me to meet people who I love and people who I've lost, it gave my life opportunity and structure as a young boy and It's the same now as a young adult.

    I have never had an alternative with cycling. nothing is comparable. The more effort you put into a bicycle the more freedom it shows you.

    But spending all this time to reflect on it, whilst recovering from my injuries and not being able to move forward with my life, really just makes me want to call it a day. Trying to get back to cycling since, just makes me paranoid, afraid and distressed. I've lost the care-free attitude I use to enjoy and It's just too exhausting to try and recover from it.

    I just don't have the energy anymore and I want to move on from depending on cycling for all my needs, if any.

    but thankfully with alot of the money I have earned, I put it all into lessons and was able to pass my driving test on my second attempt. I'm now looking to buy a car for my commuting instead. Try out something new and just have fun that way.

    I still own alot of cycling stuff, clothes and my boardman team cx bike that I only used for non-commuting rides, I really did enjoy the sunny days and they're great memories. But I would rather keep them as memories now, I don't want to return to them.

    I'm hanging up my wheels and going to be selling the rest of my cycling stuff. I can already afford a car, but I just won't use this stuff anymore, and if i ever wanted too i'll just buy another bike down the line.

    I'll be posting my stuff in the sales & auctions forums in a day or two, i'm not sure when. There's alot of s*** to shift through, a good bunch of it isn't really worth much like my clothes but I figured I would give something back to this forum, I have no use for it.

    But yeah, it's just been quite a long ride for me. I'm really tired.
    Last edited: 13 Mar 2019
  2. classic33

    classic33 Legendary Member

    Sorry to read that you'll be giving up cycling, but the best o'luck with whatever you do.
  3. Globalti

    Globalti Legendary Member

    Sorry to read that you've taken the decision. Have you ever considered writing as a career? :laugh:
    Milzy, tangoup52 and Dave7 like this.
  4. ianrauk

    ianrauk Tattooed Beat Messiah

    Atop a Ti
    It's never nice to hear someone give up cycling. Hopefully time is a healer and you return to bike riding.
    tangoup52, Illaveago, downesy and 4 others like this.
  5. Leaway2

    Leaway2 Guru

    Manchester (Sale)
    Well you have made your mind up and that is fine, but are you sure that selling everything is the best option? The money you will get will not be that much and unless you really need the space it may be worth keeping it.
    Never say never.
    Good luck.
    Illaveago, Pat "5mph" and classic33 like this.
  6. Slow But Determined

    Slow But Determined Nid Yw Cymru Ar Werth!

    I can see where the op is coming from. I got knocked off in January, still not been back on the bike due to my right knee being in pain.

    However it has knocked my confidence and even when fit again I know I am going to be apprehensive.

    Since the bike incident every time I go out in the car I am anticipating things that aren't going to happen, being over cautious etc and to be honest getting quite nervous. And this is from someone who was doing 30k miles a year when I was working.

    So I have some sympathy for the op.
    Illaveago, classic33 and Dogtrousers like this.
  7. meta lon

    meta lon Guru

    Go mtb avoid roads.. You may love this and rebuild your confidence.

    I hate the roads, but i dont fear the traffic, its just as dangerous no matter what.
    Though 2 wheels is a bigger risk obviously..
    Milzy, tangoup52, Leaway2 and 2 others like this.
  8. Phaeton

    Phaeton Guru

    Oop North (ish)
    I have it works for me, plan my rides to use as little roads as possible, bridleways, canal side, old railway lines, all depending on where you live, might be worth just putting the bike stuff away in the corner for a few months until the weather gets better & then if you feel the same way sell it, if not you mat feel like getting back onboard.
  9. I don't know how far your commute is but I fell out of cycling and got lazy (that's me lazy not anyone else)
    (well, to be honest I had a bout of depression, threw myself into 12-14 hour working days so was too tired anyway, which then led to sedentarary unfitness making it worse)
    I dragged myself out of that not by cycling but by walking, starting with a couple of days a week and ending up 5 days a week, 7 miles round trip but mixing a scenic diversion in 2-3 days making it 10 miles

    I found it great and I'm only back cycling because I developed worsening plantar fasciitis getting worse after tryng to add running into the mix but now I'm back cycling I'm enjoying it
  10. Milkfloat

    Milkfloat Veteran

    @tangoup52 Now you have a car, how about putting the bike in it and finding a nice traffic free environment like a country park and just going for a relaxed ride just to see how you get on?

    Another thing to think about is that you managed 15k miles without an accident and lot's of us have managed even more, so maybe you have had your one bit of misfortune and it will never happen again.
    tangoup52, Mrs M, downesy and 5 others like this.
  11. Kempstonian

    Kempstonian Has the memory of a goldfish

    I was about to post that^^^^. You saved me the job!
  12. roubaixtuesday

    roubaixtuesday Senior Member

    Agree 100% with sympathy for the OP.

    And no one should feel pressurised to restart cycling, or any other activity, after injury.

    But some words of hope. I once felt how you do, and after being back on the bike for a few weeks, the anxiety lifted.

    Not to say that is universal, just my own experience.
    tangoup52 and classic33 like this.
  13. Slow But Determined

    Slow But Determined Nid Yw Cymru Ar Werth!

    I know I will get back on the bike, missing it tremendously, in fact I am spending my enforced cycling down time making a "runaround bike" from what I have salvaged from the bike I was knocked off.

    Because I am learning as I go along and so far have done it all myself I am looking forward to riding it more than my "proper bikes"
  14. Reiver

    Reiver Ribbit, Ribbit.

    another two CC members getting knocked off, hardly a week goes by when I'm not reading this stuff in here - It is one dangerous pass time / hobby. It does worry me that my turn will inevitably arrive at some point. Just over 28K since joining the forum, am I on borrowed time ?
  15. Vantage

    Vantage The dogs chew toy

    A bit pedantic really but cycling isn't dangerous. It's one of the safest pasttimes/sports/hobbies/means of transport there is.
    The problem is other careless/stupid/selfish or plain dangerous road users.
    If those bellends were safer, we'd all be smiling.
    I don't agree with the op giving up cycling and buying a car. It's a stupid way of looking at things. If he/she fell down the stairs, would they stop using stairs? And buying a car is only adding to the madness on our roads.
    I was once hit by a nobber driver on my road bike once. Admittedly it put me off using the roads for a time. But I got round the issue as others suggested and took to mountain biking again. Even now I hate using roads and where reasonable, I'll take the bike off road.
    We're never more than a motor vehicle pass to getting killed, but that fear shouldn't drive us from something we love.
    If that's the case, we should give up eating incase we choke on food. Give up drinking incase we drown. Give up breathing incase we're poisoned. Give up walking incase we fall and break a leg. Etc etc.
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