Thanks for all the replies guys, absolutely solid advice.
And I really appreciate the sympathy. There's alot of experience on this forum but it's still distressing to see so many people who've been through all this.
As from what alot of you have said, recovery is possible and I can take baby-steps to get there. But my dependency on cycling was 90% commuting, I rarely hopped on my bicycle without a destination to go, infact, it would take me to every destination. Initially I started out by free-roaming as a hobby, but that soon changed as life got busier and was forced to use it as my primary means of transport.
I suppose that's what I meant when I said I used it too much - and with all my reflection, it definitely is true. Cycling is a great tool in terms of transport, but I've been stretching it thin for far too long. (or atleast, that's how I feel.)
With all that said, I have been attempting to recover my confidence by using my mtb / cx bike off-road, (as many of you have already suggested!)
I think having to cycle for every social / business event for this many years takes the shine out of doing it as a hobby on the weekend, so it's been quite a long time since I rode a bicycle for fun rather than business, so I keep stopping mid-trail ride to ask myself ... where am I going?
But never the less, I've done it for a while-ish now and I don't feel much better about cycling. I guess my fear is cars and the road in general, so avoiding that doesn't particularly help my confidence or with any commuting I might have to do. -- I do know I could recover in time.
But even if I did I don't think I will ever come back to depending on bicycles this much. This whole incident has forced me to recognise the limitations between cycling and cars, limitations that I've constantly had to overcome because of my circumstances, but in their own right, they're exhausting to deal with.
And I'm just quite tired.
In the end, I know I will return to cycling (on and off road) but only as a weekend hobby, I don't think I will trust it enough to carry me for all those other reasons as it once did,
I think I need to take a long break before I can even miss it enough to enjoy it as a hobby, that's when I'll find the energy to recover.
I'm still going to be selling my cycling stuff, I do actually need the money and down the line I can always return to it and probably will. But right now, my life isn't really in the best place to force myself to want something I don't want, especially when in the end there are easier alternatives
for now.
I say easier loosely, since while I have enough money for a car, that's only for a car. Not insurance or running costs, but I've tweaked your ears enough with all this doom and gloom, so I'll leave that one at rest
But yeah, thanks for all your words. It's meaningful and helpful, even if it sounds like I've made up my mind I will take all this information with me down the line.
Oh and ..
I don't agree with the op giving up cycling and buying a car. It's a stupid way of looking at things. If he/she fell down the stairs, would they stop using stairs?
No, but I would love a f*cking elevator.
