Charlotte, eHarmony advert

[rich p]

I joined them about a year ago and having spent ages filling in the questionnaire as honestly as possible all I got was one message from someone asking 'wtf?". I then stumbled through another barren six months without a single view of my profile until last week when they eventually emailed me to say I was probably unsuitable for anyone. Thanks, dicks.

My guess is that your an ugly bloke with an obvious personality flaw or two?

Am I close?

 

[Archie_tect]

Stairlifts, funeral savings plans... it's all downhill.

 

[Doseone]

I joined them about a year ago and having spent ages filling in the questionnaire as honestly as possible all I got was one message from someone asking 'wtf?". I then stumbled through another barren six months without a single view of my profile until last week when they eventually emailed me to say I was probably unsuitable for anyone. Thanks, dicks.

That's harsh. Maybe next time don't be so honest. Try leaving out the bit about the voices in your head telling you to kill and see if that helps.

Joking aside, hope you have better luck.

 

[snorri]

This thread is the most fun I've had from daytime tv in a very long time, thanks Noodley.

 

[ColinJ]

I went on a different dating site about 10 years ago (before I gave up on such matters) and spotted a profile of a local woman. She'd posted a really unflattering photograph of herself, and written the most needy, depressing profile possible. She might as well have written "Please ignore me" or "Please abuse me". There was no way that she was going to end up with a healthy relationship that way.

I let my membership lapse and forgot all about it. A few years later, the company tried to lure me back by giving me a week's free pass. I went back on the site and that profile was still up, unedited, with the same photograph. At first, I thought that the woman might have left the site but forgotten to delete her profile, but then I noticed that her status showed that she had come online and was searching. I checked back several times over that week and she kept reappearing. She seemed to be spending at least an hour a night on there. I felt quite sorry for her and thought about contacting her with a few suggestions about how she might improve her profile but decided not to get involved.

I thought some of the profiles and photographs were quite funny. One picture clearly had a former lover obliterated by a Photoshopped bush, only a phantom hand was still holding the woman's!

 

[ianrauk]

I went on a different dating site about 10 years ago (before I gave up on such matters) and spotted a profile of a local woman. She'd posted a really unflattering photograph of herself, and written the most needy, depressing profile possible. She might as well have written "Please ignore me" or "Please abuse me". There was no way that she was going to end up with a healthy relationship that way.

I let my membership lapse and forgot all about it. A few years later, the company tried to lure me back by giving me a week's free pass. I went back on the site and that profile was still up, unedited, with the same photograph. At first, I thought that the woman might have left the site but forgotten to delete her profile, but then I noticed that her status showed that she had come online and was searching. I checked back several times over that week and she kept reappearing. She seemed to be spending at least an hour a night on there. I felt quite sorry for her and thought about contacting her with a few suggestions about how she might improve her profile but decided not to get involved.

I thought some of the profiles and photographs were quite funny. One picture clearly had a former lover obliterated by a Photoshopped bush, only a phantom hand was still holding the woman's!

Go on.. you went on a date with her didn't you? It's alright Colin, were all mates here. You can tell us.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

Charlotte would do much better if, when asked a question like "Would you like to go on a date?" she learned to say "Yeah, definitely" without vigorously shaking her head to communicate the opposite. (24 seconds or thereabouts)

 

[Globalti]

This thread is pointless without pictures.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

This thread is pointless without pictures.

ftfy

 

[Mr Phoebus]

Charlotte would do much better if, when asked a question like "Would you like to go on a date?" she learned to say "Yeah, definitely" without vigorously shaking her head to communicate the opposite. (24 seconds or thereabouts)

Ah yes.

Maybe that's the problem, she keeps sending out all the wrong signals.

 

[ColinJ]

Go on.. you went on a date with her didn't you? It's alright Colin, were all mates here. You can tell us.

Nope, not that woman!

I was interested in a mountain biker but she turned out to be already seeing somebody she'd met earlier.

There was a doctor who sounded really nice, but we never met - she wrote to me to say that she'd met a hunky doctor at a New Year's Eve party so I wished her well and that was that.

Then there were 3 or 4 women who wrote this kind of thing in their profiles: "Please, please, please write to me - I'd love to hear from you! I promise to reply to all messages!"

So, I'd write friendly messages telling them a bit about me, my Pennine bike rides and walks. I asked about them, the hobbies that they had mentioned in their profiles, and so on. Nothing heavy, or weird, no reason for them not to reply but there was not a squeak out of them! Their status showed them online all the time, and that they had read their messages, but they couldn't be bothered to even write "Thanks for your message. I appreciate it, but I don't think we'd be suited. Good luck - I hope that you find someone!" I was pretty peed off with them and could see exactly why they were having to spend a lot of time online trying to find partners!

I exchanged messages with a couple of interesting women, even though I knew that we would never meet.

I did meet one woman who was extremely intelligent, and very attractive but things didn't work out. We gave up on it, but met a few more times as friends before she found someone on the same agency and married him!

I was astounded by how many women's total ambition in life seemed to snuggling in front of an open fire, eating chocolate, drinking red wine and watching a Rom Com! (I'm not saying that isn't a nice thing to do, but when you only have so many words to describe yourself, is that really all you have to say!)

One woman's profile picture was of her thrusting her beautiful 5 year old daughter towards the camera. The woman's profile said hardly anything about herself, but focussed on her children. I actually did write to her because I was really concerned that her whole profile was like an open invitation to paedophiles! I said that she was obviously very proud of her kids and wanted to meet a man who would be a good father figure but really, she needed to be more careful online. She thanked me and changed the profile. She removed the pictures of her kids and toned down any references to them.

There was one other woman that I wrote to for over 3 years before finally speaking to her and meeting up. We'd already decided that we were not interested romantically, but we became good friends and still are more than 10 years later. I've had 3 great walking/cycling holidays with her plus lots of days out.

That photo was taken in June this year, from the road to Port Appin, between Oban and Fort William. Castle Stalker is in the background, as featured at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

 

[Lisa21]

I thought some of the profiles and photographs were quite funny. One picture clearly had a former lover obliterated by a Photoshopped bush, only a phantom hand was still holding the woman's!

Fnaar.....over 'ere a minute luv...............

 

[ColinJ]

There was one other woman that I wrote to for over 3 years before finally speaking to her and meeting up. We'd already decided that we were not interested romantically, but we became good friends and still are more than 10 years later. I've had 3 great walking/cycling holidays with her plus lots of days out.

By coincidence, she sent me a nice long email while I was posting that and told me that she has recently found herself a great cyclist boyfriend - good for her!

 

[Lisa21]

That photo was taken in June this year, from the road to Port Appin, between Oban and Fort William. Castle Stalker is in the background, as featured at the end of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I was there in June too-beautiful place.We may even have passed eachother. Castle Stalker is where I want to live.....you'd not get any unwanted visitors there would you

 

[Maz]

ColinJ, you look like a good-looking lad from your avatar. I'm sure a lot of women would find you attractive. Whether you want to be in a relationship, though, is another matter altogether.