Apologies. Rather too ... enigmatic perhaps?
Noooo - I understood perfectly, was just avoiding the question
Was thinking more in terms of - how have you changed after everything you've seen and done in the last 366 days, if at all? Are you the same F who set out a year ago?
The short answer would be that of course I've changed! What would be the point of a year on the road in foreign parts without some kind of a change?
Of course, that leads into thoughts of where have these changes ocurred? and how real are the changes?
There's also the complicated issue that the world has changed significantly and probably will not be the same again. When change is happening in a changing environment it's very difficult (to my mind) to measure the degrees of change.
One of the goals of this trip was to redress an imbalance in my life after years of a very heavy workload and driving myself way too hard. Mission is being accomplished!
As someone who was terrified for far too long of the dark, of dead things, of a world between the living and the dead I can now say that those days are definitely in the past. A magical moment on the Natchez Trace revelling in the inky blackness, celebrating the unknown sounds and, of course, meeting, approaching and talking to Catarina are proof that previous thoughts are well and truly put to bed.
Learning a new language (for someone who was never good at them!) is turning out to be fun, exciting, fulfilling and very rewarding! I've basically come up with my own "course" utilising a variety of sources and developing my own methods that work for me. There's life in the old brain yet!
A big one would be learning to let go of "stuff". Anyone who's read this little adventure knows that planning is not my strong point - on a bike!
In my previous life, planning, management and control were as vital to me as oxygen. Coming late to cycling and never really learning to measure my "performance" or to define a bike ride in terms of distance, I experienced a whole new world on a bike - one that was about experiencing things, not measuring or controlling things. (Not all the experiences are good.)
I'd find myself, with varying levels of success to transfer my "bike head" to normal life.
Basically, no matter how well a trip is planned things will happen. The enjoyment of the trip is pretty much based on how we react to the happenings.
You get a puncture? You can moan and bitch and whinge or you can fix it and get back on the road or you can fix it and look around to see what you might have missed without that puncture.
If you're a dumbass you might just spend a day bouncing around Mexican backroads only to find yourself almost back at the start. What to do? Go have a coffee and meet a pretty girl
I think my Covid experience is proof that these ideas are taking a firm root in my operating system. If I can admit to a little pride, I'm very happy with how I'm coping in a country of this size, knowing a handful of people in a time of crisis.
Not every day is easy, but there are far more positives than negatives. Instead of concentrating on what I can't do (or control) I'm looking for what I can do. I can't help but think that this country is designed to help in that, but at the end of the day I'm playing my part and that's more than good enough.
Finally, there's baggage. I'm sure my load is the cause of much mirth but I genuinely believe the heaviest loads we carry are in our minds.
There's something about cycling, the quiet time, the meditative rhythm of turning the pedals that shakes our heads up like a snow globe and gives us the time and space to examine, to reflect and to file past experiences away. The longer the road, the more time there is to do these things. Given the right opportunities we can transform the blizzards of our minds to a calm and still landscape.
I have.
I bet you're sorry you asked the question now
The thing with change is that it's changeable!
While I've read many, many accounts of bike trips there is a serious dearth of accounts of "what happened next...."
I know I had problems reintegrating into "normal" life after previous trips - I put it down to the trip highlighting the differences between where I was and where I wanted to be with the inevitable conflict from that. I'm hoping that after such a long trip and what will effectively be a new start that there will be no conflict.
But hey, it's a bike tour - anything can happen!
