Corporate lies.

[Domus]

Oooooh another, after yet another failing by the authorities "Lessons will be learned"

 

[Drago]

"Never knowingly undersold".

We know all the time, but we're relying on you not knowing.

 

[Bazzer]

"Police follow this van" - Really? I've never seen it.
"Steps have already been taken to prevent this happening again" - We have been caught with our trousers down and are trying the limit the fall out.
"Northern would like to apologise for the delay to your journey." No you wouldn't. Passengers' reasonable expectations of arriving at a time stated in the timetable are a inconvenience to your money grabbing franchise.

 

[Milkfloat]

I had the unfortunate experience of flying Sleazyjet from Paphos back to Manchester on Thursday. Because I didn't pre-print my boarding card I was put on standby and made to sweat for an hour before they graciously allowed me to board their poxy plane.

Just so I get this right in my head, you forgot to print your boarding pass and also forgot to create a virtual one on your device and it is easyJet’s fault?

 

[Levo-Lon]

Free broadband

Appraisal "it's all about you". Fook off is it

 

[classic33]

"Police follow this van" - Really? I've never seen it.
"Steps have already been taken to prevent this happening again" - We have been caught with our trousers down and are trying the limit the fall out.
"Northern would like to apologise for the delay to your journey." No you wouldn't. Passengers' reasonable expectations of arriving at a time stated in the timetable are a inconvenience to your money grabbing franchise.

It's a request as much as a warning.

 

[slowmotion]

"Your call is valuable to us and we'll be with you just as soon as the next available agent is available."

Well yes, my call is valuable to you...…..you'll keep me holding on for twenty-five minutes on a premium rate call until you greedy, cynical bastards have racked up a tidy sum. Then I'll get to speak to somebody who can't help but directs me to another premium rate number.

 

[PeteXXX]

Rinse and repeat..
Sold more shampoo than Soft Mick!

 

[Nigeyy]

"We're improving your experience by....."

Translation: we think we can get away with this by providing something cheaper with less quality thus allowing us more profit.

"New and improved!"

Translation: we think we can get away with this by providing something cheaper with less quality but calling it "new" thus allowing us more profit.

"You will be more attractive and the envy of your neighbours with our product and its brand"

Translation: we think we can get away with this by providing something cheaper with less quality with our brand name sticker on it thus allowing us more profit.

"We value our customers"

Translation: we think we can get away with this by providing something cheaper with less quality with non-existent customer service thus allowing us more profit.

 

[cookiemonster]

Dear Valued Customer.

If I’m so valued, why don’t you use my name?

 

[FrankCrank]

....during my IT days at Cable & Wireless and IBM, the buzzwords were things like challenges, opportunities, steak holders, movers and shakers........and then there was all that mission statement tosh. You knew the joke had gone a bit too far when the canteen staff, who were all contractors on minimum wage, had a mission statement framed and hanging on the wall behind as they were serving us lunch.........

 

[biggs682]

So big companies lie .......

 

[Globalti]

"Due to the high number of calls we are receiving, your call has been placed in a queue...." = "We'll answer the phone when the receptionist has finished gossiping with her pal."

 

[AndyRM]

The slogan of my employer is "Making you happier about money." which is bad enough, and for extra irony they're making my role redundant in a couple of months.

 

[Globalti]

Just so I get this right in my head, you forgot to print your boarding pass and also forgot to create a virtual one on your device and it is easyJet’s fault?

I was on a business trip and I usually travel on scheduled airlines on business so it simply never occurred to me to print the boarding card. I checked in almost 2 hours before the flight with a reservation for which I had paid and all the agent had to do was print the boarding card, which took no extra time. They could simply remind me (and one other passenger) of the need and let it go but no, we had to be punished. They had seats for us on the plane and we flew but still they had to play their infantile little game.