Crappiest bit of Cycling Tat You've ever wasted your money on?

Arghh 'Crappiest'

Following up on the 'Best Products' thread:

White Lightning - "Cleans and Lubes in One Easy Action". Might as well have used its strong cider namesake.

Mavic Factory Wheels. Bust a rim? What's that you say LBS? Have to send it back to factory for repair? Where's that then? Try their home page? Oh yes, here it is, a PO Box address somewhere in Paris. Is there an email address? NO. Is there a telephone number? NO. Contact details for UK distributor? NO. Things may have changed since, but still.

Thank you Mavic for the World's First Disposable Wheel.

Blackburn Pumps? Lifetime Guarantee? Yes guaranteed for the life of the pump so when you finally need to use it 15 miles from home and it seizes - you are basically f**ked. Complaint to Blackburn made 9 months ago. Still waiting for reponse.

Assos Element One Jersey
Assos have always tetered on the edge of slick cycling/gay fetish wear. The Element One embraces the latter. It is figure hugging. Very figure hugging. I'm not fat by any means but wearing this (even going up a size) made me look like a huge black condom packed with walnuts. The leaner rider may have got away with it but he wouldn't have got away with the inexplicable 'oiled leather-look' chest insert. WHY? I'm pretty confident about my sexuality but this made me feel like a complete ponce. My wife couldn't stop laughing and the jacket is now known as the "Gimp Suit".


Ride It Like You Stole It!
South Manchester
1. How can something clean and lube ?

2. You haven't complained enough

3. You haven't complained enough

4. The jacket looks a bit 'tight' on the pics - gimp suit is the correct term.

For 2 and 3 start giving 'em crap - cos I have 2 factory Mavic wheel sets and a Blackburn Carbon Wrap pump (freebie) and it might save me the hastle if they fail ;):biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

Steve Austin

The Marmalade Kid
USE seatposts.
tighten bolts, undo bolts to re-adjust. buy new bolts, fit saddle, re-adjust. buy new bolts etc

I have two of these lovely ornaments sat in the garage if anyone wants them. they need new bolts


New Member
All these were highly rated by C+ and turned out to be dross:
Post Moderne suspension seat post: does nothing for rear end comfort
Kona Dr Dew: for the money the worst bike that I have ever owned.
Altura Night Vision jacket: zip and stretchy tighteners break too easily
Endura overshoes: zip broke after a few weeks

See how long this thread lasts before it is removed by admin!


Failed Tech Bro
Another vote for the Altura night vision jacket with the jamming zip. I bought it to Altura jacket with a jammed zip.

Busch and Muller DToplight Permanent. Shocking plastic tat. Nowhere near waterproof. The batteries wobble in their mounts which causes the light to flicker and they last about 10 minutes before they need a recharge. And all for a Cateye-watering (see what I did there) £21.


It pains me to say it, 'cos they're a reasonably well stocked and competitively priced store, but a lot of the stuff i've had from decathlon has been a G.W.C.
Bib longs - arse padding in the wrong place. Took back, got refund.
Wed'ze thermal socks - quickly developed a hole. Still got.
SRAM powerlink chain - tight link. Took back for refund.
'Rockrider' camelbak - chest strap kept falling off till eventually it fell off and got lost. Still got, but considering replacing with a better one.

slightly OT, but probably should also mention that they do sell some good things, namely the following things I've had from there are ok:
Rockrider neoprene overshoes - not torn one bit, don't let (much) water in, quite warm.
Chain oil - just does the job for cheap price

ALDI stuff is variable - have got thermal trousers from there, for a tenner. Basically your legs will just about be the right temperature if you are going out in the middle of winter in siberia, or you're going to the south pole - anything else and your lower half will literally be boiled. They are quilted, and look nicely made, but are just TOO warm to wear, especially when cycling. And are a bit baggy.
Also the zips on ALDI stuff are crap - I have tried something on in there before and the zip got stuck - the good side was i didn't waste my money on it, the bad side was that I couldn't get it off.. also my old jacket's zip finally gave up the ghost, it kept coming open from the middle - but they were quite obliging in giving me a refund without the receipt. Not bad value while it lasted though as it was only SIX quid.

then my two in one coat (anorak style with fleece zipped up in it) is great, although not good for cycling

Wilko's - just don't even bother. I got a crud-catcher from there and it catches about as much mud as if I sellotaped a tea-bag to my bike, and their pumps are heavy, cumbersome, ugly, ineffective and not even that cheap.

Sigma computers.

Great. Until it rains.

mine's been ok.


Latex inner tubes. This was in the 80s and I'm still mentally scarred by how much they cost and how short-lived they were! :laugh:


diadora chillis sure ain't waterproof

my month old nightvision jacket zip tag literally came off in my hand this week

a piece of string has replaced it, dithering about taking it back and changing for a lighter jacket, I love the visibility of the Nightvision but it's very warm


Not sure this counts as a bit of tat but i did buy an omega bike. Ok so i never actually recieved it! ( i did get a picture ) but did go through 7 months of crap for nowt.


Master of all he surveys
Can't remember the name but I bought a set of red flashing lights at the Earls Court Cycle Show that are supposed to stick onto ones helmet. Stupid things wouldn't stay switched on unless one put an exact amount of foil between the battery and the cover at the right angle, and the stupid sticky things fell off after a couple of days. Although I do recall that they were made in Germany and cost me £15.


Über Member
Crank Bro's speed lever.....

Speed - my arse
Lever - my arse

Attempted to use it once and it went straight in the bin, must useless bit of flimsy extendable plastic I have ever come across. More use as a back scratcher tha a tyre lever.

Any clothing by Santini - utter tat!

Rapha bib shorts....the most uncomfortable and overpriced clothing I have ever bought, the only shorts that I have ever worn that managed to give me a blister on my nads!
Top Bottom