Update; I attended my voluntary, but under caution interview today. Top copper and a very nice solicitor. Now this will irk some on here, but having viewed the dash cam footage, which also did some serious memory jogging. I look like a complete c**t. It also goes to show how fickle your memory is of hectic and heated events. To illustrate, I'll now edit my original post of the 'event' with the benefit of the footage. Things that are additions are in bold and the stuff that is wrong, is made small and original text is in italics:
Shortly after I threw a 'V' Sign at a small white hatchback that caused me to swerve with a close pass as I cycled alongside my companion, a grey/silver van passed me so closely as to brush my arm with his mirror and proceeded to pull in on me further, stopping us both. As I leaned through his wife's window, I threw a string of verbal abuse so eloquent at him, that even I was surprised to find that I could replace every adjective, name and punctuation with the 'F' word.
He responded by pointing out he had my actions prior to his pass and my current comments on dashcam - Factually correct. I bid him F-off and cycled off, occupying very much the center of the road, until I got bored after about 15 seconds and waved him past. At that point, I felt I'd made my point and couldn't be arsed with him.
He then passed me again. He was so close I slapped the side of his van to warn him off and this is clearly audible on the dashcam - I was leaning against the still moving van with my forearm as it was continuing to pull toward the curb, I was out of options and out of balance through surprize. Put the flat of your arm against a wall and slap it with you palm and you'll get the picture of what I did.
He stopped and I drew along side, frankly coursing with adrenaline through fright and expecting a sorry mate, only for him to declare; I was fuming, completely dumbfounded, but cycled off. I can't be arsed with this sort of nonsense.
However, he then pulled in on me physically forced me (my companion was behind at this point) into a junction a little further up the road and having basically been run off the road and with nowhere to go due to a kerb/verge in front of me, I stopped. Corralled and now turning from flight/fright to fight, I Ieaned through the still open window to be told "That's criminal damage you've done, I've got it all on my dashcam, I want you name" I gave it to him and frankly, mixed it with expletives and offered to spell it for him if he found the letters tricky. I also told him "I would break every bone in his effing body if he got out of the effing van". He called my bluff, got out of the van and was as keen as possible to get in my face saying he wanted my name, me address etc, repeating his accusation of criminal damage. By this time, I've looked at the side of the van twice and you can't even see a hand print. The van was in good condition by the way, so this didn't exactly require more than a glance
Now I'm 15st of rugby coach and every single fibre of my body wanted to push his teeth in, throw him in the van and then stamp all over his dashcam, but I didn't. Why? Because he was over 60, 7st wet through and frankly, I'd have been in trouble. Somewhere, a voice on my shoulder was saying 'you'll be in trouble if you do' and anyway, it's not my way. I haven't had a fight since school and want to keep it that way. Then another female cyclist drew alongside and said 'Just cycle away, just cycle away' and she was right, so I/we did.
Still basically the same story/string of events, with a bit of a Tarantino on the timeline and some added 'colour'. It also lasted less than a minute beginning to end, which seriously surprised me, but there are issues to be dealt with.
I definitely was foul mouthed and threatening. No doubt there, even if it was under serious provocation and a 'shock and awe' tactic that got called.
Where the alleged damage is supposed to be is the main bone of contention. He claims I kicked his van, which I did not, because I was clipped in and frankly needed my feet to stay upright. The 'damage' is alleged to be low on the side panel and he "knows it wasn't there in the morning, because he cleans it every week". It was certainly very clean, so I'll not contest that, but I know I slapped the van and I know that point was 4-5ft off the ground and I know I left no damage high up, nevermind down at still-clipped-in shoe height. This is important.
So, under legal advice (and frankly, off the record advice from the copper who IS a road cyclist) this is what will likely happen - It's not his decision after all. I can be done for a public order offence, but was advised the best result would be a caution and I accepted that. It's on camera and there's no denying it. It's embarrassing frankly.
The complainant, wants no more than recompense for repairs to his van "which he estimates to be £2-300". As he did not see me slap the van and I had volunteered that this is exactly what I done to my solicitor in the meeting prior, I have asked for evidence of the damage and have the right to ask for independent quotes for the repair. I can insist this would include a Dent Doctor, or some such minimal cost service.
Now, the smart thing to do and this is where people will get irked, is pay for the damage and accept a caution just to get it to go away, even if it's not damage I did. I will await pictures which the copper has said he will forward to me. I may even offer £250 cash, because depending on what I see, that may be far and away the cheapest option, for me. There are prosecutable offences here and it will very likely cost me a lot more, with more serious consequences if I dig my heels in and go to court. I will get found guilty on one account, will get a worse record, will get a fine and will probably get made to pay costs too. A caution is a smart move, is just less expensive and prevents needlessly dragging a friend into court as a witness, for something that will be seen as indefensible anyway.
It doesn't end there though.
Once I've accepted all of that and it's done and dusted, never to be re-examined; I can and probably will, make a complaint of dangerous driving and whatever else the officer (for it will be him again) thinks worthy of investigation, based on the evidence of the dashcam that is already in the hands of said officer, plus I do have a witness. Slowly, slowly, catchy monkey....