Cyclechat functions we really need - just a bit of fun...



Formerly known as Woodenspoons
North Yorkshire
The Brexit Unpleasantness function.

Mention the 'B' word, and the moment you hit enter the forum will send an automated email to the MoD, who will dispatch officers to your abode to dispense a range of punishments from a moderate tasering through to having your home town nuked, the severity dependent upon the whining tone of the post.

Repeat transgressors trigger an automated email to the Kremlin, in which it will be alleged that you called Putin a girl. You might be advised to stop taking sugar in your tea after that.
Dragonian. Nice.


Legendary Member
Similar idea: post-9pm quarantine.

If you post after 9, your post is delayed until the morning. You can release it yourself anytime after 7am, or wait for an auto-release at 10am.
(You can delete it at any time, or of course edit it after 7am)

Because Johnny Foreigner would get round this by staying up until 8am GMT, this is another good reason to ban the lot of them. A nice side-effect.
We'll work with UTC then, not GMT.


Flouncing Nobber
A function that replaces the word "Hitler" with "Mother Theresa" and the word "carbon" with "depleted uranium".

Tales of Mother Theresa murdering 6 million, or post extolling the stiffness and compliance virtures of the new depleted uranium Boardman should make for amusing late night reading.
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