Cyclechat functions we really need - just a bit of fun...

[stephec]

Spelling and grammar self checking posts

And if the self checker makes changes should it automatically put a little smiley at the bottom of the post who's flicking the Vees and saying, 'ha ha grammar nazi, beat you to it.'

 

[Randomnerd]

The Brexit Unpleasantness function.

Mention the 'B' word, and the moment you hit enter the forum will send an automated email to the MoD, who will dispatch officers to your abode to dispense a range of punishments from a moderate tasering through to having your home town nuked, the severity dependent upon the whining tone of the post.

Repeat transgressors trigger an automated email to the Kremlin, in which it will be alleged that you called Putin a girl. You might be advised to stop taking sugar in your tea after that.

Dragonian. Nice.

 

[Randomnerd]

Spelling and grammar self checking posts

I think you will find "self-checking" is hyphenated.

 

[Darius_Jedburgh]

A filter for the greencrocer's apostrophe.

 

[Drago]

Dragonian. Nice.

You know me. As a modern man I pefer soft, gentle persuasion rather than a proper old fashioned punishment.

 

[Tenkaykev]

A filter to automatically correct the usage of Less / Fewer, so we’d get less posts complaining about incorrect usage…

 

[Joey Shabadoo]

A filter for the greencrocer's apostrophe.

Is that the guy who helps you across the road?

 

[HMS_Dave]

Please dont bring up anything about gender or gender stereotypes on this thread @HMS_Dave. You know They don't like it

You're absolutely right. Not every mother-in-law has false teeth....

 

[classic33]

Similar idea: post-9pm quarantine.

If you post after 9, your post is delayed until the morning. You can release it yourself anytime after 7am, or wait for an auto-release at 10am.
(You can delete it at any time, or of course edit it after 7am)

Because Johnny Foreigner would get round this by staying up until 8am GMT, this is another good reason to ban the lot of them. A nice side-effect.

We'll work with UTC then, not GMT.

 

[Drago]

A function that replaces the word "Hitler" with "Mother Theresa" and the word "carbon" with "depleted uranium".

Tales of Mother Theresa murdering 6 million, or post extolling the stiffness and compliance virtures of the new depleted uranium Boardman should make for amusing late night reading.

 

[Archie_tect]

A weekly prize draw, paid for by the advertisers... only for CCers who have been here since 2010.

 

[Fab Foodie]

Please dont bring up anything about gender or gender stereotypes on this thread @HMS_Dave. You know They don't like it

...well, not up-em at any rate....

 

[Salty seadog]

There should be a rolling banner on every page - "Lose, not loose"

Loos?

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Their, They're and There buttons. If poster presses the wrong one then my deputy will first threaten and then for subsequent incorrect button choice................... (Hint - see previous post)

 

[twentysix by twentyfive]

Loos?

Lewes?