Cyclechat functions we really need - just a bit of fun...

Randomnerd

Formerly known as Woodenspoons
Location
North Yorkshire
New feature which should be available for any thread starter:

The Self-Flame Button
Abstract
A poster posts a post in, say, Cars and DIY: E.g., “Recently flattened next door’s moggie while backing my Maserati into the cul de sac. I’ve buried the dead cat in the compost heap. I think it was dead. Now I’m worried in case I have any sharp cat teeth lodged in the tread, but dare I visit Modena at the moment for a once over? What do all you pet lovers think?”
Members read said post and helpful commentary begins.
The poster has second thoughts about the thread. Perhaps a first flush of shame or embarrassment at not talking it through at the breakfast bar first.
Whoosh! Kaboom! Press the Self-Flame Button!
Contributors logging into the cat vs Maserati thread will see a short clip of the screen bursting into flames. It’s done.
Pressing SFB prevents the member posting for seven days, and a little fire symbol appears on their avatar for twelve months.
Social engineering by cyclists, for cyclists. The more I type the more I like it.​
Start your new feature ideas here.​
 

HMS_Dave

Gone from cyberspace, but still peddling...
Location
Midlands
How about a self congratulating button for when you have your mother-in-laws false teeth stuck in the treads?
 
OP
Randomnerd

Randomnerd

Formerly known as Woodenspoons
Location
North Yorkshire
Not painful enough. It also needs a connection from the poster's USB port to poster's sensitive parts (@Fnaar can explain) such that CC Web Site software activates a good shock to said parts. Such functionality may also be added for the control of flounces, bad language..........
Bit Dragonian if you ask me.
Subtle shaming is the way forward.
If that doesn't work, then yes to genital torture. Maybe via bluetooth though.
 

marinyork

Resting in suspended Animation
Location
Logopolis
A Brexit button.

A I'm all right Jack, button.
 

Drago

Flouncing Nobber
Location
Poshshire
The Brexit Unpleasantness function.

Mention the 'B' word, and the moment you hit enter the forum will send an automated email to the MoD, who will dispatch officers to your abode to dispense a range of punishments from a moderate tasering through to having your home town nuked, the severity dependent upon the whining tone of the post.

Repeat transgressors trigger an automated email to the Kremlin, in which it will be alleged that you called Putin a girl. You might be advised to stop taking sugar in your tea after that.
 

matticus

Über Member
A breathalyser before the Post button becomes active.
Similar idea: post-9pm quarantine.

If you post after 9, your post is delayed until the morning. You can release it yourself anytime after 7am, or wait for an auto-release at 10am.
(You can delete it at any time, or of course edit it after 7am)

Because Johnny Foreigner would get round this by staying up until 8am GMT, this is another good reason to ban the lot of them. A nice side-effect.
 

Joey Shabadoo

My pronouns are "He", "Him" and "buggerlugs"
The Brexit Unpleasantness function.

Mention the 'B' word, and the moment you hit enter the forum will send an automated email to the MoD, who will dispatch officers to your abode to dispense a range of punishments from a moderate tasering through to having your home town nuked, the severity dependent upon the whining tone of the post.

Repeat transgressors trigger an automated email to the Kremlin, in which it will be alleged that you called Putin a girl. You might be advised to stop taking sugar in your tea after that.
Belgium?


Harsh, but fair
 
Top Bottom