CycleChat's cycling twonk of the year

[Joey Shabadoo]

Those two answers are oddly interchangeable

 

[AndyRM]

 

[Eribiste]

I've ridden through three fords, and fallen off in the middle of each one. Do you think there's a lesson in there?

Some twonks never learn

 

[_aD]

I've ridden through three fords, and fallen off in the middle of each one. Do you think there's a lesson in there?

I was once just outside of my usual jaunt and was navigating by OS map (This usually means I end up six Landranger maps away from where I think I am). I had spotted a ford on my route and mentally noted it as a waypoint.

15 minutes later I came to a ford and thought "Christ, were did that come from‽". I discount this tale from the TOTY award as I didn't fall off, crash into a badger or find myself inexplicably latched to the pedals.

 

[EltonFrog]

Last summer whilst out on a training ride for the Ride 100, I and stopped at a local shop at about 75 miles for some food, the sun was out but the shop was dark and I removed my sunglasses, and put on my reading glasses so I could read what I was buying. I made my choices, paid for my food and went and sat outside with my bike and ate my grub, drank a drink and had rest before I went on my way. Suitably rested I disposed of my rubbish, got back on the bike, put my helmet back on and just before setting off I went to retrieve my sunglasses from my jersey pocket. They were not there, bugger, I went to where I was sitting, not there, I looked on top of the post box where my bike had been leaning, not there, I went back into the shop and asked the shopkeepers if they'd seen them, they had not, I looked around the shop, nothing. A customer said to me, "what are you looking for?", "my sunglasses" says I. She looked at me with a big smile and said " they are stuck in your helmet at the top" D'oh!

Ten minutes I spent looking for them.

 

[Scoosh]

Last summer .....

Ten minutes I spent looking for them.

 

[Jon George]

I've ridden through three fords, and fallen off in the middle of each one. Do you think there's a lesson in there?

Fool me once: shame on you.
Fool me twice: shame on me.
Fool me thrice: shame on us both.

Oh, sorry - had a few drinks - you're talking about something else, aren't you?

 

[Black Country Ste]

I've lost count of my own stupid acts, but I'd vote for the guy who tried to inflate his inner tube to 100psi without the tyre around it. I forget how far he got before it went bang.

This?

When trying out your new pump it's good to know that the tube needs to be encased within a tyre in order to hold enough pressure for the gauge to give a reading...

 

[Jon George]

Honestly, there are times I could weep at my stupidity.

And the pain continues: just over a week has passed since I admitted my - albeit apparently minor act when compared to the gems which followed - incident of twonkness, but I am still discovering road signs that I used to think were bizarrely-placed cycling-prohibited signs and recalling the twinge of guilt as I ignored them. I can't claim the jersey, but I think there should be a badge involved.

 

[Donger]

OK, as this is my 500th post, I'll come clean again. I did a ride from Gloucester a couple of years back with the express purpose of crossing the Severn Bridge at Chepstow and looping back home on the other side of the Severn. That beast of a hill on the way up out of Chepstow nearly did for me, but I got up it in one go for the very first time. A hundred yards or so later, still a couple of miles short of the bridge, I pulled up and asked a passing old lady for directions to Alveston. She thought for a moment and said "Isn't that in England? Shouldn't you be going over the bridge first?"

To this day I have no idea why I didn't notice that I hadn't yet gone over that huge metal thing spanning the biggest estuary in Britain. I even had a map right in front of me on a bar-mounted holder .... and there was a huge road sign slap bang in front of me indicating the M48 Severn Bridge was straight on..... and I already knew the way there, having done it twice before .... and why did I latch onto a tiny village near Thornbury to ask about anyway? I can only assume I was close to passing out from the rigours of the climb and was talking complete blackout bollox.

 

[Dayvo]

A few summers ago, I was in a hurry to leave home early for work and quickly packed my bag with the clothes needed for the homeward journey.

It was a bit chilly and absolutely hammering down, although the forecast for the afternoon was for HOT weather! I wore rain trousers (with cycling pants) a jersey and rain jacket and set off in the deluge.

Come the afternoon, yes, it was HOT and I looked forward to the ride home.

Unfortunately I had packed up my leggings instead of my bib shorts and, not wanting to sweat to death, decided to wear the leggings with my underwear, thinking/hoping that they would stay up.

Unfortunately they didn't, and, looking a bit like this (from the waist down), got a lot of laughs and whistles.

 

[Headgardener]

I have two tales of twonkish clipless moments.

The first was when I was cycling back from a BB Battilion cross country event and turned right at a crossroads not realizing the the road climbed uphill almost from the junction so changed down to what I thought was the middle chainring but was infact the small ring which the chain promtly fell off, rusult the bike and myself fell into the road right in front of two very pretty girls who were in the car behind. Lots of and roadrash.

The second was on my way home from Church one Sunday. As I was following a car it slowed to turn into a carpark and I failed to unclip and put a foot down quick enough this time in front of one of the Church members. More and roadrash.

 

[H Bomb]

I learnt to ride as an adult - my friends did john o groats to lands end, and I said that if they did it i'd join them for the last day.

So duly went out and bought a shoddy £100 bike from Halfords (another lesson!) - didn't want to shell out an extra £25 for them to build it - thinking how hard can it be.

Built it with no problems went out and rode it round the park, got good enough to cycle on a few side roads etc, went out a couple of evenings each week, slowly improving each time - I was always bumping into the same dog walkers and cyclists and got chatting to some of them about learning to ride etc!

Came the day i put the bike in the back of the car drove down to Truro all ready for the days riding, got my bike out the car and my mates fell about in stitches because I had the forks on the wrong way round!!!

I'd been cycling this rubbish bike with forks back to front all round town and not one of the sods that saw me had the decency to tell me!!!!!

We put it right there and then and cycled off, only for me to massively undercook the first turn we did as i'd got used to hypersensitive steering!!!!!


learnt my lesson now and have a proper bike built by a proper bike shop!!

 

[Scoosh]

....... learnt my lesson now and have a proper bike built by a proper bike shop!!

The better lesson to have learned is how to do it right yourself, which will save you a small -> medium -> large fortune ... = N+1.

QED !

 

[summerdays]

I learnt to ride as an adult - my friends did john o groats to lands end, and I said that if they did it i'd join them for the last day.

So duly went out and bought a shoddy £100 bike from Halfords (another lesson!) - didn't want to shell out an extra £25 for them to build it - thinking how hard can it be.

Built it with no problems went out and rode it round the park, got good enough to cycle on a few side roads etc, went out a couple of evenings each week, slowly improving each time - I was always bumping into the same dog walkers and cyclists and got chatting to some of them about learning to ride etc!

Came the day i put the bike in the back of the car drove down to Truro all ready for the days riding, got my bike out the car and my mates fell about in stitches because I had the forks on the wrong way round!!!

I'd been cycling this rubbish bike with forks back to front all round town and not one of the sods that saw me had the decency to tell me!!!!!

We put it right there and then and cycled off, only for me to massively undercook the first turn we did as i'd got used to hypersensitive steering!!!!!


learnt my lesson now and have a proper bike built by a proper bike shop!!

It's all right some retailers selling bikes have been known to do that themselves!