Cycling limericks

[roadrash]

@marmion is a grumpy old git
whos punditry game was sh!t
he's a wee scottish nobber
who only wears tartan clobber
its two sizes too small it don't fit

 

[Drago]

There was a young cyclist named Reg,
Who'd rummage for food in a hedge,
We all eat meat,
Which he thinks not very neat,
For he'd far rather munch a raw veg.


Shame he's no longer about to enjoy that one

 

[Archie_tect]

road rash was a cycling toff
who rarely stopped for a cough,
He'd sneeze and he'd wheeze,
Did what'ere he pleased...
until the day he fell off.

 

[Archie_tect]

Drago was once broken-hearted,
when the love of his life with him parted.
He blamed the baked beans
for his being a has-been,
But we all know he shouldn't have farted.

 

[Drago]

There was a young Archiebald Tect,
Who cycled to a fight, and got decked,
He tried to fight back,
But his right hook was slack,
And his best set of false teeth were wrecked.

 

[Mart44]

The situation looked dire
He had yet another flat tyre
The wind and the rain
Were being a pain
With nowhere in sight that was drier.

 

[Archie_tect]

Mart loves country lanes for a bumble
as long as it's minus a tumble
Through thick and thin
often soaked to the skin,
His favourite phrase? "Musn't grumble!"

 

[Reynard]

There was once a cyclist called Mack
Whose saddle went up his bum crack
So he bought a Brooks
And got some strange looks
But now his LEJOG's back on track

 

[Drago]

There was a young chap named Reynard,
Who liked his tyres pumped up well hard,
He'd pump til he dropped,
Or sometimes he'd flop,
And collapse in a big puddle of lard.

 

[roadrash]

I think you mean, chapess called reynard

 

[Ming the Merciless]

There was a young cyclist called @Smudge
Their cycle pointed downhill, but wouldn't budge
the brakes were jammed
well I'll be damned
instead I'll have a finger of fudge

 

[Ming the Merciless]

There was an old knobber called @Drago
Who dressed in tight lycra, dayglo
He'd look at his reflection
reality in suspension
whilst dancing to his own manifesto

 

[Mart44]

A rider of florid complexion
Had lost all sense of direction
He'd pedalled all day
But still lost his way
And suffered from bouts of dejection.

 

[EltonFrog]

A poster was busted named Alex
The porn star photos were callous
When challenged she ran
Like a Men at Work fan
Go back down under ya phallus.

 

[DRM]

There’s a cyclist known as Pete
They said he’s the scourge of the streets
He was on the TV
Running red lights you see
Then stopped by someone’s house for a wee