Fall out with family members

[classic33]

I'd say he stands to lose just as much. The real loser will be the parent, if it was got by underhand methods.

 

[Saluki]

Hubster's family are right weirdos. They all get along with each other. MIL died in 08, I miss her, she was great. FIL died earlier this year and the younger sister sorted everything out for the 4 siblings. Everyone got a quarter of the inheritance, fair and square.

I like Hubster's 2 elder sisters. They are both highly intelligent woman, good careers and all round lovely people. One in Western Scotland, married to an ex naval officer. The other a deputy head in London
The youngest sister, some 3 years older then Hubster is a horrendous woman who has never left the village that she was born in. As bossy as you like, thick as a plate of mince, and who seems to like telling me how to live my life and how I should support her brother financially as well as emotionally (I've done that since 2009 and getting a bit jaded of the whole financial support side, let me tell you). She's not welcome in the home. Hubster suggested that when she comes to stay, that I clear off in our touring caravan. I suggested that if I am going to be run out of my own home to keep the peace, he might want to see a family law solicitor. She can poke off and stay in a hotel. Preferably in Cumbria or somewhere.
Even Hubster, who's steady countenance is the stuff of legend in his family, gets frustrated with the youngest sister.

 

[Accy cyclist]

I'd say he stands to lose just as much. The real loser will be the parent, if it was got by underhand methods.

The thing that really pees me off is that my mum is sat there miles away from where she's lived all her life and away from those who'd like to visit her! Her friends are in their 70's and 80's,they can't travel that far and if they could it'd only be every once in a while. She misses her only grand daughter as well!

 

[Pale Rider]

Yes i know what you mean.I'm divided between taking taking the monster on and maybe losing, or just living in hope that the monster will meet his match one day and come a cropper.

The CAB are amateurs, well-meaning, but next to useless in a situation such as this.

Reluctant as I am to put work the way of lawyers, they do have a cartel on this stuff, so it is with them that you have to deal.

A lot of solicitors - even the good ones - offer free 30 minute consultations which should give you an idea how this could be pursued.

But as you say, the bigger decision is if you have the heart, will and desire to pursue it at all.

 

[buggi]

I didn't see a lawyer,i sent them an e mail and i got that jargon reply back. I think i'll make an appointment to see someone from the CAB The reason i sent an e mail was because their phone lines are so busy, that's why i mailed them. E mails and letters are ok but i'm going to have to ask someone face to face how i stand on this matter and is it worth taking it further.

They usually have a lawyer that does a surgery there once or twice a week. Get in there, and tell him your concerns, particularly about him getting her to sign over her life savings with no consultation with the rest of the family, when she was already ill. Hope he has some answers for you . Write down the important bits you want to talk to him about as you may only get a 15 min slot so you need to ask the important questions first. Take a pen and paper to write down what he says. Sounds obvious I know but you'd be surprised how many people waste their 15 min. You don't very often get lawyers advice for free!!

 

[Ganymede]

They usually have a lawyer that does a surgery there once or twice a week. Get in there, and tell him your concerns, particularly about him getting her to sign over her life savings with no consultation with the rest of the family, when she was already ill. Hope he has some answers for you . Write down the important bits you want to talk to him about as you may only get a 15 min slot so you need to ask the important questions first. Take a pen and paper to write down what he says. Sounds obvious I know but you'd be surprised how many people waste their 15 min. You don't very often get lawyers advice for free!!

Or even record it...

 

[Accy cyclist]

The CAB are amateurs, well-meaning, but next to useless in a situation such as this.

Reluctant as I am to put work the way of lawyers, they do have a cartel on this stuff, so it is with them that you have to deal.

A lot of solicitors - even the good ones - offer free 30 minute consultations which should give you an idea how this could be pursued.

But as you say, the bigger decision is if you have the heart, will and desire to pursue it at all.

My fear is that my brother knew what you are saying when he declared himself POA.

@Accy cyclist from reading this thread, its clear to me at least that irrespective of what your brother does, you are not ready for some kind of reconciliation, your posts are full of blame/resentment, he stole my mother, her money, her life, he dosen't visit the grave, he only visits her occasionally, he is a monster and will come a cropper etc etc etc..although all of this might be true but unless you try to deal with your issues concerning your brother which clearly run deeper and longer than what you've posted here then nothing is going to change until at least you come to some acceptance of whats happened, if something illegally or untoward has taken place then by all means seek some recourse but before you take legal advice from a cycling forum you really need to sit and think if anything really has happened illegally or untoward because in these type of situations its not uncommon and I've seen it first hand that no matter how many people (or yourself) tell you that 2+2=4 , but because its your brother you only see or want to see 2+2=5.
.
Ok........ If you are offended in anyway by my post, I appoligise that was not my intent, and hope you find some middle ground where you and your brother can have some sort of relationship, all the best and goodluck...

No i'm not offended at all. The amount of hours i've spent going over it in my mind,especially when i'm out at work or even cycling because then i'm alone with my thoughts,i couldn't begin to count! He said this i said that,he did this when he should've done that etc etc sometimes drive me near to breaking point. I even use his few good points to take the pressure off,but ultimately the scales with the bad points weigh heavier than the scales with the good points! His text messages of threats are the hardest to take. Yes it might be male pride but i honestly believe that he wouldn't have made such pathetic threats 8 years ago before i had my run in with illness. I wasn't the only one he threatened by the way. There was a bloke who lived across from our mum who he took a dislike to because of something trivial that happened between our dad and him nearly 30 years ago. He threatened the bloke who to be fair to him looked out for our mum,taking her bins in,letting me know if her curtains were still shut mid day etc. I pointed out to my brother that both of them had had the same prostate cancer and that maybe they had more in common with each other than he thought,and that he should let bygons be bygons,but he dismissed the idea. I know i'm painting a picture of him as a violent bully but when someone goes through life acting "hard" and making threats they usually come a cropper one way or another.
Some even might say to be careful putting my words on a forum for anyone to read but if he reads my posts then so be it,i presume that he's crossed me of his list of contacts on his phone so this is the only way to get my message across to him if by remote chance he sees it.

 

[Accy cyclist]

They usually have a lawyer that does a surgery there once or twice a week. Get in there, and tell him your concerns, particularly about him getting her to sign over her life savings with no consultation with the rest of the family, when she was already ill. Hope he has some answers for you . Write down the important bits you want to talk to him about as you may only get a 15 min slot so you need to ask the important questions first. Take a pen and paper to write down what he says. Sounds obvious I know but you'd be surprised how many people waste their 15 min. You don't very often get lawyers advice for free!!

I will e mail them asking if i could see one of their lawyers,then take it from there.

 

[Sara_H]

I was completely estranged from my elder sister for many years, from my late teens until I was in my fifties. Not proud of it but it had to be done for my own well-being. The Aged P's ill-health, last year, meant we got back in touch. I am not sure it was a wise idea but sometimes you just have to do the right thing.

I'm in a similar position to you, my mum and I haven't had contact with my sister for 25 years, since I was a teenager.
Sometimes I think I should make contact and build bridges, then I remember why the bridges were burnt in the first place and think why bother putting myself through the heartbreak?

 

[Andrew_P]

I fell out with my mothers side of the family when my Mum had pretty serious mental health illness, which were prolonged. The whole family let me and my sister try and deal with it aged 19 and 22. This included collecting from Police stations getting mad phone calls at home and work at all times of the night and day. Loads of abuse and threats of physical violence also trying to arrange for your Mum to be sectioned. Watching her lose her house, car etc. I kept my Mum at a safe distance after all of this, my sister could never forgive her for the hell she put us through for 2 years and couldn't ever associate the person she now was to the person she was prior to onset of the mental illness.

When she died I was glad I had kept some contact and tried to keep her on the straight and narrow all be it from a safe distance. Although my sister has never said it, I think she has some regrets as she was much closer to my Mum than I was. I never regretted breaking all contact with my Grandparents, Cousins, Uncle and Auntie. They were all adults and should have tried to take control.

She was never allowed to know where I live or work etc. as she was never fully recovered (alcoholic with schizophrenia) and never returned to her normal self for the following 20 odd years.

 

[GrumpyGregry]

I'm in a similar position to you, my mum and I haven't had contact with my sister for 25 years, since I was a teenager.
Sometimes I think I should make contact and build bridges, then I remember why the bridges were burnt in the first place and think why bother putting myself through the heartbreak?

I concluded I'd feel worse, and she might behave worse, if the Aged P passed and she wasn't aware he was ill. An attempt to retain the moral high ground if you will, and when I regret having done so, as a result of our interactions, I comfort myself with the knowledge that I've done the right thing even if she doesn't seem capable of doing so.

 

[luckyfox]

I can see your point but it is not necessarily true - if you suffer from depression you can be your own worst enemy, but if you are lucky then family members can be a great support.

Thanks for proving my point.

 

[Crankarm]

There are some mighty sad stories in this thread.

 

[Smokin Joe]

There are some mighty sad stories in this thread.

But a lot more common than people realise.

 

[EltonFrog]

It's a pity there isn't an ignore button for relatives like there is on CC. Just one click of the mouse and you never see their twuntishness again!