Fall out with family members

[Nicola10]

At the moment my older sister wants nothing to do with our mum, this has been building up for many years and finally a month ago my sister told her she wanted nothing more to do with her, she feels like my mum hasn't supported her much over the years and after bottling everything up, instead of telling mum at the time how she was feeling she has finally let it all out and says there is no way back from this.
I'm secretly on my sisters side as I totally know where she is coming from but I don't want to fall out with my mum so I'm trying to keep in the middle. Every time I go to visit my mum she is always saying snide things about my sister(I haven't told my sister any of it). My dad is barely speaking to my mum now and says it's all her fault and she needs to sort it. We were all going to my sisters for Christmas dinner, I'm still going but now my mum is moaning at me and making me feel guilty for this, happy families!!

 

[Beebo]

power of attorney can be held by more than one person. My sister and I hold it for our parents and it's much better to have two or more people in case one isn't available when a big decision needs to be made.

You can also arrange power of attorney before the event, which is a very good thing to do.
Both my brother and I hold Power of Attorney for my parents (who are both very fit and able) in case it is ever needed.
It gives my parents peace of mind that all the issues that go along with power of attorney have been sorted out now.

 

[Archie_tect]

My dad refuses to consider Power of attorney because he doesn't want to upset the wicked stepmother; though she doesn't have any children of her own she wants to leave everything to her nephews and nieces, so it will all depend on who lives longest whether she'll get her way or not. He married her [on the rebound after my mum 'left home'] against the advice his sisters gave him at the time which he appreciates now...

I just feel sorry for my dad but there's nothing I can do to help him because he avoids problems by ignoring them when I try to raise things that he has to think about, eg should they need full time care and have to sell the bungalow to pay for it.

Though he has a will he won't press her to write one, so that's a ticking time bomb.

 

[cd365]

Families hey, who'd have them, I'd quite happily give most of mine away.
Except my baby sister, she's nice, I'd keep her

 

[buggi]

She doesn't have a say in where she lives or other matters as she's been classed as having dementia. My brother somehow was granted Power of Attorney without my knowledge,so he holds all the cards. I suggested to him that she'd be better off back in her own town where folk who know her could visit her,but he brushed the idea off saying "she wouldn't recognise them and they wouldn't visit her anyway". She's been in that home for going on two years,yes he visited her nearly every day but my mum and the staff there say he visits occasionally now. She was happy there till her friend moved to another home,now all she talks about is coming home,but my brother will have that covered by blaming it on the dementia.

How did he get power of attorney. Can you dispute this given her condition? I don't wanna stir things up but this sounds like he's gonna run off with her cash while she's tucked nicely away. Get some legal advice to see where you stand in disputing it.

 

[Vapin' Joe]

Of all the people I know I can think of very few where there hasn't been a bitter falling out between family members somewhere or other. Just because people are family doesn't mean you can - or even have to - like them.

 

[Pale Rider]

My older brother - happily early retired on a huge pension - has given power of attorney to me and our other brother.

Great, except me and other brother do not get on, at all.

We can barely agree which day of the week it is, so I doubt we will agree on the best course of action to manage older brother's affairs.

I've told him my plan is to declare him crackers early so I can get hold of his money while I'm young enough to enjoy it.

He said something about me not quite grasping what this attorney lark is about.

I can't think what he meant.

 

[raleighnut]

My older brother - happily early retired on a huge pension - has given power of attorney to me and our other brother.

Great, except me and other brother do not get on, at all.

We can barely agree which day of the week it is, so I doubt we will agree on the best course of action to manage older brother's affairs.

I've told him my plan is to declare him crackers early so I can get hold of his money while I'm young enough to enjoy it.

He said something about me not quite grasping what this attorney lark is about.

I can't think what he meant.

Nay sense of humour then.

 

[Peteaud]

I have not spoken to my family (all of them) in decades.

Never will either, for that matter.

 

[gbb]

The wife has always considered my family 'odd' in that we (as a whole) rarely see each other, barring my mum and recently departed dad. I occasionally go for up to a year without seeing my sister, my elder brother has disappeared off the face of the earth, my younger brother has only occasional contact...and we're all fine with it. We're fine when we do meet.
I did fall out with mum and dad some years ago, for about a year. Then I realised how family is family and what seemed important a year before...wasn't.
Dads gone now and his eldest son doesn't even know, he always was the black sheep of the family but that's going to be a shocker for him. Despite the fact most of the family have disowned him, to me, he's family and its sad the way it is.

Then, take the wife's family......Christ, the arguments they have between them

 

[Accy cyclist]

How did he get power of attorney. Can you dispute this given her condition? I don't wanna stir things up but this sounds like he's gonna run off with her cash while she's tucked nicely away. Get some legal advice to see where you stand in disputing it.

I don't know how he got it. My mum told me one day that he'd got her to sign something that'd "be to the benefit of both of us",by that i presume us meant me and him. By that time she was classed as having dementia so how can someone with dementia legally sign an important document? It was all done without my knowledge and when i questioned him he said that he as a social worker knew how to get the best deal for our mum regarding her home and savings. Both have gone now to pay for her care so i don't think there'll be much for him to run off with,but i had my suspicions when her house was sold way below the expected value. it went for around 30% less than similar houses on the block. When i questioned it he said that it didn't matter how much it went for as the money was going to Lancs County Council to pay for her care and not to us. My thoughts are that he let the buyers have it at a steal providing they bunged him a few grand!
I couldn't afford legal fees so the only way i've questioned it was at the Citizen's Advice but they just sent me a page of legal jargon. I'm thinking of contacting social services but the devious so and so knows all the ins and outs because he's a former social worker who's worked on many similar cases,so he'll probably have covered his tracks. Besides do you not think that they'd do the old boys together stuff and cover for him if he's done wrong?

 

[classic33]

Don't think they would cover for him in this day & age. Only takes one case for all eyes to be on them.
Any idea who the two independent witnesses were?

 

[Accy cyclist]

Don't think they would cover for him in this day & age. Only takes one case for all eyes to be on them.
Any idea who the two independent witnesses were?

No idea who they were,but i think his latest woman might be one of them. Bloody corrupt but i bet they've covered their tracks.

 

[Crankarm]

Your brother will have had a fiduciary duty to your Mum. It seems like me might have not carried this out properly, even getting your Mum to sign the Power of Attorney under duress or exerting undue influence. If she was suffering from dementia or the onset of it, then I think with advice from a doctor that this was the case so she might not have understood what she was signing, would mean that you could challenge what your brother has done. The rules may have changed some what since was involved with such cases as there were two types of Power of Attorneys basically medical and financial. Not sure if this is still the case. One of the witnesses had to be a medical professional if there was any indication that the person making the Power of Attorney was of unsound mind and iirc the Court of Protection would be involved. If your brother has done anything untoward and there is evidence then criminal sanctions can be quite severe. If he has assets then monies he has obtained illicitly can be clawed back.

HTH.

 

[Crankarm]

This Be The Verse
BY PHILIP LARKIN
They fark you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were farked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.