Favorite 'One Liners'

[PeteXXX]

It says OXO on the bus, but they don't make gravy.

 

[DRM]

It says OXO on the bus, but they don't make gravy.

That reminds of another very old one......It says India Rubber on bus tyres, but they don't go there

 

[All uphill]

Another very old one:

"Have you got a match?"
"Yes, my ar*e and your face"

Or as I said, the once I tried it:

" Yes, my face and your ar*e"

 

[DRM]

The old phrase of "As bent as a nine bob note" for something dodgy, I suppose it would be "As bent as a 45p coin" now

 

[gbb]

A face like a bulldog chewing a wasp

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle....

A complexion like a welders bench...or
A face like a sack full of broken spanners

(All very laddish 90s)

 

[gbb]

Or as a former colleague used to say if he was telling you how much he didn't want to do something...
I'd sooner nail my cream crackers to a telegraph pole with bent rusty nails and a broken hammer.

 

[bruce1530]

With reference to someone with a ruddy complexion.....they've got a face like a smacked a#se

"He looked like he'd been dookin' for chips.."

(Perhaps just a west of Scotland expression - "dookin' for apples" == "apple bobbing")

 

[Slick]

A couple from Hector Nicol I believe, for some reason I have them in my mind in a sort of Hello Hello accent.

You have hands like petals, bicycle pedals.

You have a face like a peach, a rugby peach.

 

[DRM]

Considering the potholed, crumbling state of the nations road network " (Insert name of) Street/Road is like a ploughed field"

 

[Moon bunny]

Many years ago, when my present husband and I first started courting, we were in a pub when one of the local yobs tried to make jokes about the Irish. Hover told him to pack it in, the yob came over and took an "aggressive stance' in front of him. Mr. Fly, 6'4" and well built, stood up, "You've lost the standing-up contest, what else would you like to lose?'

 

[Ming the Merciless]

Got the full six pack, just missing the plastic to hold it together

 

[rvw]

"At the last appraisal, I commented that the employee in question had reached rock bottom.


He has now started digging."

 

[Chris S]

Boss: "This is the third time that you've been late this week. Do you know what that means?"
Me: "It's Wednesday."

 

[Profpointy]

There are various translations and versions of Phillip of Macedon's threat to the Spartans

"If I conquer your city, I will destroy you all.”

The Spartans' reply to this was just the one word:

“If.”